They don’t know it, but Elisabeth Elliot and Amy Carmichael were my mentors throughout high school and college. Their writings combined with Elisabeth’s daily radio show, Gateway to Joy, served as life-giving anchors for me during times of transition, excitement and brokenness.
Today while flipping through a journal from 12 years ago, I found this poem by Amy Carmichael and my heart swelled with new understanding, seeing it through wife and mama eyes.
O Thou, who art my quietness, my deep repose,
my rest from strife of tongues, my holy hill.
Fair is Thy pavilion where I hold me still.
Back, let them fall from me, my clamorous foes; confusions multiplied.
From crowding things of sense, I flee and in Thee hide.
Until this tyranny be overpast, Thy hand will hold me fast.
Although the tumult of the storm increase, grant to Thy servant strength,
O Lord, and bless with peace.
As a girl of only 20, I read these words and imagined myself on the mission field interpreting the Bible into tribal languages and living in a land of opposition. I imagined tangible, external foes opposing me. And I imagined I would be strong enough to handle them.
Instead I became a sign language interpreter and had three kids in the suburbs. But my clamorous foes come just as readily, though perhaps not so overtly. They show up in the shape of an unlikely enemy: my own self. The way I hold on to expectation, the way I believe half-truths and less-than gospels, the way I forget to remember to be still.
This poem showed up at just the right time. To find rest of heart and a quiet place in the midst of the internal noise is not easy, but it is possible. Do you have small gifts waiting in quiet places? What are your gifts today?
wow… makes one think. God has big plans for each of us… sometimes not exactly what we envisioned, but wonderful and big in there own way. God bless you…
Amy Carmichael lived an amazing life totally devoted to God!! I read a book about her life a few years ago and was forever changed.
I going to have to restrain myself from going on and on in your comments section. Because oh my word, “As a girl of only 20, I read those words and imagined….Instead I became….”
A friend and I talked this morning about this very thing–how we both envisioned ourselves in missions and ended up in the suburbs. We talked about what our clamorous foes look like–how it’s hard when they are so subtle. How we lower our weapons and relax because it doesn’t feel like the front line, how we lose sight of the eternal battles.
I feel like a cheeseball for saying this, but just about everything you write resonates with me. I’d sure love to meet you some day.
Clearly that thing I said about restraining myself from going on and on didn’t work. Sorry bout that.
I think you and I were channeling similar thoughts today. The unexpected rediscovery of our mission through the eyes of kids and at the hand of the Father. Somehow both greater and smaller than we might have imagined for ourselves.
beautiful photo. did you use textures?
the enemy is myself! oh if i could have told you about my day today. i’m glad it was monday and not tuesday. perhaps tuesday will have some redeeming qualities because i acted like the devil today.
Emily, this truly struck a chord with me. Like you, I too dreamed of becoming a missionary (or a missionary’s wife), and perhaps that was my true calling. But, thanks be to God, He always has a Plan B and C. I think I’m on Plan Q by now.
Thanks for hosting Tuesday’s Unwrapped. It’s a blessing.
Just yesterday morning I read Psalm 62 – verse 5 really stuck out to me.
Find rest, O my soul, in God alone;
my help comes from him.
Funny how the same messages keep coming my way – amidst the chaos of small children and letting myself be my worst enemy and biggest hindrance.
i am always amazed at how different life turns out… from our own illusions to what He dreams for us. and that the enemies lurk everywhere. this poem is beautiful… thank you for sharing it with us on a tuesday… seems just right to me.
Emily, this is so beautiful and so meaningful. As always, your post is thought-provoking and lyrical — poetry itself. Thanks for giving me a lot to ponder today. My story is somewhat opposite — as a young adult, I didn’t believe in God…now I am a believer. Never would have imagined…but so grateful God is woven into my life.
Isn’t it amazing how those beautiful words of truth still speak to you? You are a different person from the Emily of 12 years ago. But your heart yearns after truth just the same. And the truth speaks to all of us, regardless of who we are. Thank you for sharing this beautiful tidbit.
Oh my goodness! Did we live parallel lives? This morning I read your words with surprise, knowing I could have written them. I’m so thankful that Elisabeth Elliot and Amy Carmichael were also my “heroes” during my teenage and college years. I listened to Gateway to Joy everyday and she taught Elliot taught me what it means to give my life completely to God. I too, imagined following their steps to the mission field.
Instead, I also am raising twins in the suburbs. But God has shown me I can glorify Him anywhere. I’ve found it actually much harder to glorify God in the day-to-day of being a mom. I may dream about exciting missionary adventures, but for now, I glorify Him by taking care of my little boys . . .
we found some humor…even in the string of sick days. it was nice to get my head above the waters of self-absorption and self-pity over not getting my expected break during school yesterday morning. (a little back story: husband has been overseas for 3 weeks.) it ended up being a gift of quality time for my middle daughter who longs to sit and play with mommy without the “help” or “distraction” of her big and little sisters. today the treasure hunt continues…how about the few minutes to sit and write this while the playmobil/jenga scenery construction and show continues on the play table by our front window?! (it helps to have two home today!)
It was Amy Carmichael’s testimony that caused me to go to CIU. At the very last moment. 2 weeks before classes began, I changed colleges. I was headed to Taylor University in Indiana (near you at some point?). POWERFUL LEGACY.
Thank you so much for hosting Tuesdays Unwrapped. I was not going to blog today and then I remembered it is Tuesday and I had to stop and think about what I wanted to unwrap today. I need to remember these little things.
I loved your post today. I am my worst enemy most days. It is good to remember that. I think about my 20-something dreams. And although I wonder what life would be like somedays, I am so thankful for the direction God has led me instead.
Great post and beautiful photo {as always}. Amy Carmichael was one of my inspirations in my teens and 20s! I was accessorizing my guestroom recently and choosing books for the nightstand. I pulled “A Chance to Die” off of our bookshelf and began to page through it…it is literally filled with notes, highlighter lines and folded pages. It also contains a letters from India that I received after a mission trip that I took to India partly inspired by “A Chance to Die”. Truly, it is a life changing book and I think of it often. I can only hope and pray that my own daughter will be as interested in this book and as affected by it as I was in my teens and 20s. God bless you.
Thank you for sharing this poem. It’s beautiful.
Emily,
I am always struck by the thread that run through so many people and we don’t always see it or hold onto it .
My life story is completely different from the beautiful one you tell, but it has it’s own beauty.
And that difficult to put into words connection to so many in these communities near and far.
Thank you for what you are doing here.It certainly validates that the world is so very full of amazing grace.
I’m so glad I happened over here today! Sometimes I think I’m wired differently, well, I KNOW I am, but… Sometimes I get overwhelmed by what’s going on in our world, and I need to be reminded that this is a small part, that there is eternity ahead, and it’s in our hearts, and we can have peace because the Lord gives us that peace. That may be the most important thing to me, peace…if I will continue to grasp it and not let go! Love your blog btw! Karen
How wonderful to find old notes, thoughts and prayers in journals. I’ve came across a few lately before we had a yard sale and was thankful that a lot of my prayers were deeper than “Please don’t let my hair color fade before the formal”.
But it is wonderful to see how much we have grown over the years. And- much like the Bible- how things can be interpreted differently with different surroundings and circumstances. Love your poem and we ARE all on a mission field. Suburbia is a tough one.
Oh friend – me too… I love those women. I went three times to the Cover for Elizabeth Elliot weekends.
In tenth grade, my Home Economics teacher played Elizabeth Elliot’s radio show while we baked and sewed and whipped and frosted. It was mostly just background noise to me then. I didn’t get it. I do now.
Sometimes I feel like I’m the only person in the world who is such a vicious tyrant to herself. While there are seasons of relative “inner peace,” this particular season has rained down excessive amounts of guilt, condemnation, and expectation.
Thank you. Sometimes it’s just nice to know I’m not alone.
I’ve always wanted to read Amy Carmichael–thanks for reminding me.
I have been very blessed and mentored by Elisabeth Elliot’s writings as well. Passion and Purity was a big one for me in college, and her devotional entitled “keep a Quiet Heart” is a favorite–time and time again.
oh em, your words are my gifts.
All I can say at this moment, as the tears flow, is Thank You!
Used to listen to Elisabeth Elliot to and from college every day via the radio. So encouraging! Now I’ve found that Nancy Leigh DeMoss seems like a younger version of Elisabeth. I really enjoy listening to her as well. Love the photo!
Emily, God gave me that poem when I was 20, too, collapsing all over the place at school, falling in love and getting my heart broken, taking daily criticism from teachers and mentors and friends about being sick just for getting attention, losing it…
He became my Quietness then, the only safe place in the roar of the raw around me and within. Thank *you* for the reminder today. I needed that this morning.
I’m crazy about that picture!
Thanks for being so encouraging! I feel like I know you just through reading your blog. Have a GREAT Thanksgiving!