Sometimes I’m not thankful. There are days when I am so restless I can’t see straight. Days when the funk settles like a fat troll who made his way up from under the bridge and plopped his hairy, nasty feet up on my shiny coffee table. Days when dead mums on the porch aren’t a reminder of happy memories from autumn gone by or the beauty of the natural course of life. Sometimes they’re just ugly, dead mums.
How it is possible for a girl who is happily married, has three healthy babies and a beautiful warm home to be ill-content? How can I, a woman who doesn’t have cancer, a daughter with both parents living, a sister as a best friend and enough money to buy what she needs and some extra, how dare I feel ungracious?
I’ve heard people, when they are going through a struggle or a hard time, try to reconcile the hard time with the presence of God and say things like “Life is hard but God is good.” or something like that. But what about when life is good? My life is good. Still, it isn’t enough.
It’s because I wasn’t created to be healthy. I wasn’t created for a blessed life, a healthy life, a life that is overflowing with abundant goodness. I know that because I have all of that. And it isn’t enough.
It is important to notice and celebrate the small and sacred things like we do here on Tuesdays. But those small, sacred things do not a content life make. It no longer surprises me when I feel ungracious in the midst of abundance. It instead reminds me that the daily gifts are tiny shadow-like reflections of the Giver.
For in Him, all the fullness of Diety dwells in bodily form, and in Him you have been made complete. Colossians 2:9-10a
You took what I’ve been feeling and put them into perfect words. Thank you!
Amen! I think we all need to hear that – especially this time of year.
Emily…Thanks for the words of inspiration. All that we have will never be enough and I find it odd how I think it will be. I love your honesty in this too. You share what we all think.
The gift of the funk. *grin* I love it. You describe clearly and succinctly what goes through my head on a daily basis lately. After years of suffering, what do I DO with the good things I have? I almost wish the hard back at the same time I’m pushing the pain away. It makes me wonder how much god I still seek in my circumstances, instead of outside them. He doesn’t change, whether things that affect me are good or bad…
ummm… I’m rambling here. I like this post. I like you. I like what He is doing in you, and how human you are, and how you share that sometimes with us.
Glad I’m not the only ungracious one I know. That’s probably not helpful to you.
Wow. Very powerful. And though things in my life aren’t as perfect as I’d hoped, I know I still should be content in all things. I know that I need to embrace the life that God has given me, no matter how hard things are sometimes.
I know what you mean. I hate Funkytown. It settles in and wants to stay for awhile. And I do have genuine things to worry about and pray for, like our adoption and my whole job situation, but I try to be above it. That book you gave me, though, is a whole new insight. The first chapter is called “It’s okay not to be okay.” What a relief.
Great post, Emily! I love the above comment from Sissy about Funkytown, too! LOL! Nobody has it together all the time…everyone gets stuck in Funkytown from time to time. Thank God for Jesus!
I can relate. I tend to blame my funks on hormones, as the worst funks tend to happen at just about the same time every month. Hmmm…
Just what I needed to be reminded of today…thanks so much!
Wow–it must be the time of year because I wrote about my own funk on Monday.
I’m with you–great marriage, great kids, great family–and yet I struggle at times. And then I feel guilty because I struggle.
Thanks be to God that HE is who HE is and doesn’t see me as I am.
A lovely post. Introspective, transparent, and real.
“Days when the funk settles like a fat troll who made his way up from under the bridge and plopped his hairy, nasty feet up on my shiny coffee table.” This is my favorite! I just Love your analogy. And envy your clean, shiny coffee table.
I did a Bible study with some friends many years ago called “Calm My Anxious Heart: A Woman’s Guide to Finding Contentment.” It was an incredible help to me then and the part that sticks with me most even now is an old Portugese story she shared in it about an old man who goes through many “trials” and “blessings” and he says repeatedly, “Do not say it is a blessing or a curse. … No one knows. I am content with what I know. I am not perturbed by what I don’t know.” It is an excellent book; I may need to go back and read this one again soon.
Oh, by-the-way, the book’s author is Linda Dillow.
So relieved to know I’m not the only one who goes through lows when there doesn’t seem to be a reason for it. Growing up with a mom who was always depressed makes me afraid to ever feel down. I guess I need to realize it’s normal to have some ‘funky’ days. Thanks Emily.
I love your honesty, Emily. You speak with a strong voice here, and I’m glad I heard.
I think sometimes the funk is a reminder that we were created for Heaven, not earth. Truthfully, even the best of this earth isn’t what we were made for. And so – I think – the funk sometimes rises to the surface to remind us that “He has set eternity in our hearts…” to keep us looking up!
I think we can all relate to what you are feeling. My friend always use to tell me “well if you have a hang nail, it’s your hang nail and it hurts.” I get it. Sometimes there is no reason but it just is.
Once again, I find affirmation and sisterhood in your words. I was just chatting with a friend yesterday about this very thing. Life is good, why the funk? Not to mention guilt, the funk troll’s twin sister. I’ve been in a funk myself this week, ironic since it followed a holiday that’s all about thankfulness.
I know that funk well…I think it’s a part of life, and coming to terms with your faith time and time again. Always learning, always growing.
Oh boy, how did you know I was feeling the funk too? Wow, did this describe the last few days. THANK YOU for voicing that it is okay. Praying for you and all the commenters going through this with me. Thank you again…you really have no idea how much I appreciate this post!
That is so true, Emily. Thank you.
Shilo
Hey friend,
Your raw honesty made me smile. And tear up at the same time for I would love to be in your shoes for a few days. And yet, maybe not. I’m reminded of something Lysa Terkeurst said on her blog a couple months ago…it was about how we look at other girls and wish we had, or glad we didn’t have…and yet we were not made to handle their trials or their blessings. We’re made to handle our own. If all our lives were thrown out on the table, the good and the ugly, we’d each take back our own. I think that’s what she said. Some good truth resonates with me on that. Maybe for you too. Wishing you fresh eyes to see your current life as the gift that it is…to you and those around you.
Thanks for keeping it real, friend!
Thankyou for this! So true, so true. It is a beautiful reminder, and one I very much needed to hear today. Blessings upon you (not that you need them). =)
I just let out a big sigh. My soul is breathing here. I’m in funkytown now and have thoughts similar to what you so eloquently wrote. Thanks lady. Love ya!
I’m right there with you. Just the other day I was talking with my mom and she commented that it sounds as if I’m being discontent. I shrugged it off, saying, “no, that’s not the problem,” but upon further self-examination, well, I think it might be. And I don’t want to be discontent, because, as you say, I am currently living a pretty good life (not perfect, not stress-free, but definitely free of anything major). And yet I find myself wishing for more. Gotta keep coming back to the whole Big Picture and see what God’s got going on.
What a great writer you are!
I might find myself quoting you in my SS class one day
Oh yes, the funk of discontentment. It hides in so many forms, often disguised in the busy-ness of the everyday or the quiet pondering of the night. Why, when we have so much to thank Him for, do we yearn for more? Yearn for more, yearn for less, yearn for something…
And yet he still calls me daughter. What blessed hope.
May our souls ever be thirsty for Him.
Wow thank you! You summed up how I feel a lot of times as you have a tendency to do.
God Bless you
I loved these words…
in them I glimpsed The Word.
Thank you, wise Emily….
All’s grace,
Ann
Emily, this is quite beautiful. So true. Thank you for putting this in words (and you do it so well!)
Very well put – and this post makes me feel better when I get the funk in me, even with all my blessings. I went through a lot last year, lots of loss – this year I’ve tried to be as thankful as possible but sometimes you have to let the funk in, and work through it to truly appreciate all you’ve been blessed with.
Keep up the great work – your blog is one of my favorites.
I’m there right now. Yesterday I was smack in the middle of the “happiest place on earth”. During the “most wonderful time of the year.” And yet I seemed to be channeling the temperment of the wicked stepsisters, not of the sweet cinderella.
I think it’s because we were created for more. We’ve got that longing for more than this is, and even the best life disappoints, in comparison to the life for which we were created. I’m glad that life still awaits. I’d be so sad if this was all there is.
Such words! Thank you so much!
I simply love to visit you here….in all honesty and openness. I wonder constantly if I am the only one who feels this way, or is that nobody wants to bring up the ugly subject of TRUTH?
I just finished a study of Philippians and Colossians and felt God prick at my heart and break my impenetrable wall…”You are so far from perfect, so far from getting it, and, yet, I love you still.” He is good and I am not.
Thank you for your words.
Tamera
i think part of the funk is a reminder to rest, to consider, to ponder and to be still before our Maker. i used to fight my funks, which came without warning and always seemed to follow a season of busyness. now, i relax into them, acknowledge them for what they are and let them pass over me like a wave in the ocean. a funk is a wonderful opportunity to be quiet.
Yep. In Him and only in Him. There are so many shiny distractions, but still. Only in Him.
What a perfect way to sum up so many thoughts and feelings. That verse is mighty.
Great post, Emily. I believe that in each of us is a place created specifically for God, and if that space is empty, or crammed with other things, we will never find fulfillment, never be happy, it will never be enough.
One of my favorites of yours. For sure.
Wow- I can totally relate to this. I really really appreciate this post!
You always speak straight to the center of my heart. I don’t know how you do it so often, but you do.
I feel the same way many times, and I struggle with it too. I am not sure how to totally reconcile those feelings, but there really is a bigger picture….thanks for a thought provoking post.
WOW this is EXACTLY how I”ve been feeling lately…..so nice to know I’m not alone. Hopefully the funk will lift soon.
Thanks for the great post.
being a mother i have discovered the importance of these verses “i will enter his gates with thanksgiving in my heart, i will enter his courts with praise.” (psalm 100) if i want in there, i have to be thankful, and praising, and most of the time i have to choose it, . i too have MORE than i deserve, am wealthy when it comes to a loving husband, TERRIFIC children, and food on the table, but i grumble. but when i choose thankfulness, and get in those gates, those courts, i find myself complete in Him.
beautiful words.
When I start thinking “how dare I?”, I have to remind myself that anything that takes our focus off of God is a big deal to him.
still thinking about this post even though I read it last week. I think my head is so full of “christian words” that I don’t know how to think or talk about the deep feelings of sadness for my own self that overwhelms me sometimes….still thinking…reading everyones comments was a good thing
Amazing. Truly something to ponder. Sometimes we try so hard to convince ourselves that if we just count our blessings, everything should be better. And you’re right – sometimes it’s not. Thank you.
I loved this post! I’m so glad you linked it – it’s a great reminder to appreciate where we are.
Thanks, Emily!
Beautifully put!
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) On those grumpy days I need songs like that to remind me that my satisfaction will be in Him and Him alone. 
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Remember the old song “In Him we live … and move … and have our being.”
Happy New Year!
Sincerely ~ Tricia Anne