Growing up, Mom told us Santa was a game everyone played at Christmas. She said It’s okay to pretend, but really Christmas is about Jesus. And that was that. Then she would warn us not to talk about it in front of the other kids because we might ruin the game for them. I kept that secret under lock and key, even as I listened to friends debate his existence on cold, Indiana playgrounds and worn out tire swings.
Still, I watched. And on Christmas Eve, I kinda sorta tried to hear sleigh bells.
We tell our children a similar version of the same thing. But it doesn’t seem to matter what we say. They still kinda sorta think maybe he might be real a little bit. I think that’s okay. I want them to own what they believe in life, even in the small things. So I tell them Bible stories, put out the nativity, answer their questions in truth and love. And I let them watch Rudolph. It’s a hodge-podge of re-living my own childhood Christmas memories as well as learning what it means to make new and meaningful ones for them.
I’m glad for these early introductions to their other-than-me-ness. I’m thankful for this innocent opportunity to talk about faith, choice and belief. In all of this, I learn again that I can’t control my kids. I can’t make them believe or not believe anything just because I say it. I have responsibilites to teach just as they have choices to make. They are little God image-bearers, created to choose love and life. Because eventhough they are only in kindergarten, their growing choices will have real consequences, more than just staying up too late on Christmas Eve to hear reindeer hooves.
You know, Madeline L’Engle has such a wonderful perspective on children and what they believe. Faith is so much easier for them, she says, because it is still possible for them to believe the impossible. Children understand what so many adults have forgotten – that story is not necessarily truth, but it communicates truth. They would never put it that coherently – they just know.
And I have absolutely no idea what I will do about the Santa dilemma. I love the basis of his story, the Saint Nicholas who gave long ago to those in need. I always knew my gifts came from my parents. It was a long time before it occurred to me that God might be involved. I wonder if I had believed in Santa Claus if that transition would have been easier… Hm…
Happy Thursday, Emily!
I go through this same deal. My oldest found out the “truth” last year. My youngest who is 4 still completely believes. It is fun to go with the magical story but to really drive home the true miraculous story is where I always go back to. Santa helps make it a little more festive by filling up the stocking and he always writes a note back about how thankful he is to see the girls celebrating the Savior during Christmas. Trying to keep Jesus as the true party. I know Santa will visit for only a few more years. We’ll let him stick around. I will probably put out cookies just like I do now…. even when they are 18!
This is the way we’ve handled Santa at our house. Letting them know it’s something that’s pretend. The celebration of the Savior’s birth is something they look forward to with eager anticipation knowing that did happen and is real.
Thank you for your insight. Beautiful picture, by the way.
Such wise words. Yes, we can’t control our kids. We can only teach them, model life in front of them, and pray with all our might. In the end they stand before God alone with the choices they make.
I really like how your Mom explained this to you! So simple, so well-handled. I am taking notes, tucking these bits of wisdom away…
Love,
Katherine
This is exactly how we talk to our kids. We talk about Santa being a special, fun, pretend part of Christmas that we can watch movies about and pretend about but that in the end, the Christmas that is REAL is the one in the manger. And I know that, just like yours, my boys think it’s possible that maybe I just am too old to believe and maybe Santa really is real. And I’m okay with that.
hi friend – I had planned on posting our Santa experience from last weekend, and your post came at the perfect time. Sending them over.
We do the traditional St. Nick story but no matter how much they “know” Santa is pretend, they still want to believe. Well, after our scary Santa last week….they are crushed.
I like how you wrote this!
This is perfect! We don’t have any kids yet, but I know I still want to believe in Santa, even if just a tiny little bit. My parents certainly let us get it to the commercial side of Christmas while emphasizing the spiritual side. And the first comment by Kelly really hits the nail on the head with what she said about Madeline L’Engle. She and C.S. Lewis and several others were so instrumental in showing us that truth isn’t necessarily always easy to explain, but communicating truth takes many forms.
I hope I remember this in a few years once we start having Christmas with our own kids.
I never know what to say to kids here at school when they ask me about Santa. I don’t want to lie, but it isn’t my place to spoil their fantasies, either. Today a kindergartener asked me how Santa comes down the chimney if there’s a fire in the fireplace. I told him that questions about Santa were for Moms and Dads to answer. Who knows what I will do when we have kids. Your perspective on it is really nice though, and seems to help create a balance.
You are right, you are right, you are right. They, just as we, are God image-bearers. And so we all WANT to believe. We human beings desperately want to believe in something. And believing stories that seem too incredible to be true? Yes, we want to believe in that kind of story.
And one day we will all stand, each of individually, in the Presence of the One who wrote the Real Story. The One who gave us His own capacity to dream. For now, I think He is wonderfully sympathetic to our parenting dilemmas, don’t you?
Love you,
Richella
I love that line from your mom, so simple.
There is so much wonder and joy this time of year, regardless if you believe in Santa or not.
I love your blog. You say the things that are in my heart. We teach our children the same thing. Good to know we’re not alone in this world! Thanks for sharing your beautiful photos and thoughts.
This was well written. We basically do the same thing with our girls. We just don’t talk about Santa that much. Yes, they have seen some Christmas shows on TV, but we don’t make a big deal about things. We just stress the celebration of Jesus’ birth!
I love how your mother explained it to you. I’m still not sure how we’ll approach it with my son, but I’ll file this away in my mind.
Hi Emily,
I am new to your blog – having come via (in)courage. I have spent a little time reading some of your posts and getting to know you a little bit. I have loved my time here and meeting you.
I think the challenge for Christian parents (having been raised in a Christian home and finding myself – how did that happen? – a grandmother now) is letting our children make faith their own. I know that I had so much precious teaching as I grew up – but there came I time when I had to decide for myself what exactly I believed. For far too many years I held the treasure too lightly. It was all so familiar. I had to come to know Him on my own.
Love this post.
I think this is one of my favorites from here, Emily. The acceptance that we can’t control our children’s beliefs (and realizing this while they are still so young) is such an important point to get to it. Great post.
So beautiful, friend. You should write a book (wink wink).
Love this entry! We talked ‘bk’ how we would handle this issue. I remember when I found out the truth…I was crushed and really sad. I did not want our kids to have the “before when I believed in Santa” and “now that I don’t” Christmas blues. Christmas should always be special because of the coming of Christ. So we began 7 years ago to celebrate Advent. Our kids love it and say it is the highlight of Christmas.
Blessings,
Stacey
THank you so much for telling us what y’all do about Santa, Emily. With “one on the way” I’ve been thinking about this more this year. It’s good to hear different perspectives and options. Kelly
how sweet to read how your mom described santa. i also describe santa as a game we play at Christmas, but make sure the kids know it is all about Jesus.
loved your Christmas tour of homes pix too!
just wanted to let you know, I really enjoy your blog: the design, the photos and the precious thoughts you share. thank you! L~
I love your perspective on this. So sweetly said.
Emily – I love the way you frame this for your kids. Our kids (7,5,3) believe in Santa, but I’ve always felt a little funny about it, since I really want the emphasis to be on HIS birth. Love the simpleness of this. If I have an opening next year (which I may, with a 7 year old), might explain it this way.