When we were kids, summer vacation lasted at least two and a half years, didn’t it? The excitement of the last day of school couldn’t be topped. It was as if there were a thousand warm miles of tree-climbing, pool-splashing, Barbie playing days ahead of us.
I think back to those long days and want to remember only carefree, but the truth is my kid days were filled with lots of worry. I worried about school starting back. I worried about tornadoes. I worried about robbers and flat tires and divorce.
The things we practice, we tend to get good at. My worry habit didn’t go away when I grew up. The worries just became more complicated. I learned how Jesus takes care of sparrows and lilies and basically knows everything, but that knowledge seemed to float on the surface, never really dissolving deep into my belief.
That is, until I didn’t have any other choice. Faith is often a last resort when everything else stops working. It’s ugly to admit, but sometimes ugly is the narrow road to true. What did it take for you to believe?
I love this post. It is so true… Faith is sometimes the last resort.
As a child, an insane home life left me completely dependent on God. In my heart I believed that Jesus was all I had. Now as an adult, I sometimes struggle to maintain that simple faith I had as a child.
Thanks for the reminder today.
This is such a good post, especially “. . . sometimes ugly is the narrow road to true.” Wow.
Yeah. So true. I’ve clearly seen God’s provision for my family during these difficult financial times, and not much else builds faith like those unmistakable “Godincidences”.
My post up right now is a reflection on an aspect of this very thing! I remember the exact moment as a child when I first internalized my faith.
And of course it’s a constant process of re-internalizing it as you grow and live.
I love this post – and the photograph is gorgeous.
I believed since a young child. But when I faced a crisis with my child that stretched every bit of that belief to it’s max–that’s when i found it to really be true. When grief threatened to overtake me, I found it to be really true. As I face uncertainties and trials now…I still know my belief might stretch, stretch, stretch–and stretched out can be pretty ugly…but it’s held TRUE.
LOVE this.
this is so true… Maybe that explains (in a way i never wanted to admit before) many of my bad adult habits… and for me too, faith is always a last resort. *sigh*
I’ve been a supreme worrier since I was a child as well. I worried that life as I knew it would dissolve as my dad fought with the IRS and court system. It’s not something I’ve ever really shed…
I wanted to give up worry for Lent. For the last 3 years. God’s seems to be using this time of spiritual discipline to show me I can’t give up anything without His power. So I attempt to WAIT to WORRY…if my worst case scenario isn’t happening right now, then I can just sit and wait. I’ll worry about it when it happens. Thank God most of it NEVER happens!
Oh…the ugly desparation is what led me. I thought I had anxiety before, and then the ugliest thing ever was at my doorstep, and every other little thing that I allowed to control me was just that- little. And I had to (and still do) rely on God to carry me- even while up against the scariest thing of my life, and had to relenquish rights to anxiety and cares no matter what. It’s freeing, though. And agonizingly beautiful.
Emily it mean so much to me for you to share this part of your heart with us. I grew up in a very worried life too. My faith was all I held onto and that kept me afloat as a young teenager. When I went to a retreat when i was 15 and they shared with me how Jesus was with us always and that His Word was a personal letter to me and He was never going to leave me or hurt me…wow! It was just what I needed. I grew up in a very angry, abusive home and Jesus was my life boat! Thanks again for the great reminder of how we need to go to Him first now that we are adults just like I did when I was a young girl. God bless you!!!
Thank you. I needed to read about faith today. Ugly IS the narrow road to true. It’s the story played out in different ways over the last 10 years of my life. For me it took losing nearly everything dear and hanging on for dear life. (The “last resort” thing) Faith for my marriage, faith regarding money. And on any given day, it’s still ugly. Thankfully, there is a Redeemer who is faithful even when I’m faithless.
I grew up in an alcoholic home…walked on eggshells most of my life. nervous. full of worry. God’s grace and my mother’s love allows for some memory of joyful times, but mostly just times of worry and angst.
My oldest memories are knowing deep within me that God was real and that He loved me even though I wasn’t raised in church.
Unfortunately, somewhere along the way, I started believing that God’s faithfulness and his promises were for everyone else. I had amazing faith for others and very little for myself.
As you said in your beautiful, heartfelt post, faith is often a last resort, and this was no different for me. Believe me when I say that I tried to fill the gaps and holes within my heart with so many worldly things before I finally reached the end of myself and turned to a gracious, loving God.
He has had me on a sweet journey for the past 18 years …allowing situations and circumstances to shape and mold my faith in Him. He’s allowed precious mentors into my life at just the right time that I needed each one of them. He’s poured truth into me through His word and has slowly renewed my mind and cleansed my heart.
One of my favorite books in scripture is the book of Habakkuk. The entire book challenges me to remember all that God has done so that it will yield confidence for what he will do in my life that I haven’t yet seen him do but need him to.
Habakkuk 3:19 The Sovereign Lord is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to go on the heights.
…He will always use the valleys to take us to the heights!!
Have FAITH and believe,
T
Meditating on the verses before and after Jesus’ talk about sparrows, helped my conviction go deeper. Jesus talks about idolatry and faithlessness when you stop and listen. Consider that idolatry is defined as treasuring something more than God and faithlessness is defined as not believing that I am treasured by God. If I hike to either camp, my companions are anxiety and worry. Idolatry and faithlessness prop up my anxiety.
Now when I feel it, I use it for good. It reminds me to consider if idolatry or faithlessness are at the core. One of them usually is. That’s the ugly in my narrow road.
Even though the road is hard, my hope is in the fact that it is the road to life.
It took me getting pregnant with my daughter and facing that high risk pregnancy. Persistent bleeding. Every test result problematic. Bedrest (with twin 3 year olds running around). To get through, all failed but faith.
That is why we named our girl Faith.
Thanks for writing this, Emily! Pure awesomeness.
I’m a worrier too. What changed that for me is when my brother Josh died 18 months ago. Despite years of worrying about everything and trying to stay one step ahead of God by praying for any possible bad thing that could happen, I was not prepared when I got that phone call. All that worrying was just a waste of time and energy. And even when I heard my dad’s voice shaking on the line as he said, “I’m sorry I have to tell you this…” I never once thought he’d say Josh died. I imagined my mom, my other two brothers, my grandma, etc…, but never Josh. I realized then that I’d rather live today than worry about what might happen tomorrow.
Great post!!!
I don’t believe I ever put my faith to the test until my husband and I struggled early in our marriage. It was then that I realized I had to rely on God and nothing else. Your statement is so true.
I’d like to say that my childhood was carefree, but that isn’t the case (like a lot of us, it seems). And yes, I learned to worry, and I became a pro! It is incredibly difficult for me to give it over to God as there were times in my life that if I had done that, we wouldn’t have eaten, etc, etc. I was filled with adult worries as a kid, when you think you ARE the last resort. So a large part of my faith journey has been to learn that I CAN count on Him, that He has my back, and yes, he is in the driver’s seat. Great post.
Such an honest and true post. I’m horrible at expressing my thoughts, but i’m going to attempt in this comment. haha.
Have you read He Loves Me by Wayne Jacobsen? Highly recommend it!! It speaks on our performance-based life styles that warp us into thinking we can earn His love and then proclaims the truth that His feelings and love for us never changes… no matter what we DO.
What did it take for me to believe?
Getting to the end of the rope… where I doubted everything I believed in, had zero desire to worship, or read His word, felt completely worthless and vulnerable, etc. There in that place, when I did absolutely NOTHING to earn His love and even wondered if He existed, I felt His presence. I felt like I was continually be pursued – even though I did nothing (not forcing my self to read His word because that’s what we’re “supposed” to do). That was when I realized how much He loved me…. and His love changed me. Not my works or efforts.
And when I was convinced of His love, it changed me – my desires changed and I began to want to spend time in His word. And the worry drifted away, because if He can heal the doubt that consumed my mind and life, then He can do anything.
I had this childlike faith for such a long time. It was good for tests in school, eating brussel sprouts, and getting my Daddy to give me a quarter when the ice cream truck came through.
But that faith didn’t grow up until one dark night in an ugly place when I found myself at the end of myself and I didn’t have anyplace to turn but to God and He said, “I have loved you with an everlasting love…”
And I believed Him.
My children.
And knowing that I could not protect them always, that I could not handle it all, that there had to be something else. Something bigger than me to watch out for my babies, my husband, and me.
Wonderful post.
You are so right…worry is the sin that I most often allow to creep into my life. I recently heard a quote…”If you pray, why worry? If you worry, why pray?” Ouch. So true, though. Thanks for the much-needed reminder.
Great post. This may be hard to put into words but I will try.
I have been fortunate to have people in my life who taught me to have faith. My pastor’s wife. My grandfather. My Aunt. My church family. I just seemed to always know he will be there for me and mine.
It has been tested. I saw many faith testing situations growing up. Families falling apart, fires, accidents and deaths of some very young friends. No matter how deep my grief or worry it seemed to “disappear” when I read his word, talked to another believer and talked with him.
Now that I am a social worker in a hospital I see how he works in others and not just myself. How he pulls people together from the depths of their grief and pain and leads them on. I see him at work daily and it renews me daily.
Learning to live in the “meanwhile” is a daily reminder that we will get to the other side of the worry.
Zephaniah 3:17 (I quote it daily!)
Wow – I have been a worrier since childhood as well. And I worried about exactly those things you listed. My home life was great and stable – I just laid in bed at night worrying. I did a Bible study on worry a few years back and something just clicked for me – it’s all HIS. But I did also have to go through a time where I had NO CHOICE but to trust Him.
So thankful for where I am today…and for your post to show we’re not alone.
Thank God and thank you for this post.
This post and your post at Incourage on closure meant a lot to me. Thank you. The narrow road to true is often ugly…I’m feeling it right now. Painful stuff, but God is doing His thing with it all.
The road to FAITH beyond worry.
You know the kind of faith that stands when storms are beating down.
I am at 44 just learning it now. Yes, in the midst of storms this past year
that have beat down hard. But God is faithful!
I asked God for true Faith in the midst and he is teaching to to me
so it is solid one moment at a time to grow my heart true.
Thank you for this post and your blog. Truly beautiful.
Thank you for this post.
How true it is…
I am known as The Queen Worrier, Inventor of Fears, El Worrywort. Not by one, but by ALL of my close friends & family.
It isn’t something I’m proud of, however, I developed this ugly habit as a young child and it has grown and grown into something ugly and overwhelming as an adult.
I attribute a lot of it to family instability as a child. Now that I have my faith in God, I try to give it all to Him.
He is so good. I’ve seen it time & time again – with my children, my finances, my health.
Your post just puts it all into perspective.
God Bless
Alyssa
lifeoflyssie.com
Oh wow. Fear. Fear so deep and so mind numbing that no one could do or say anything for or about it. But Jesus – He spoke to me through it. And I was finally in a place where I would listen. And my life has never been the same.