Even though my head knows the great faithfulness of God and those mercies that never come to an end, sometimes my experience lies and tells me that those mercies are all dried up. I walk around with the footprint of circumstance stamped dark across my face. I’ve been down on the ground, walked on.
Choosing to believe Love and Faithfulness feels absurd sometimes. It is the invisible fight that wears me out, this striving with all His energy. When I know it isn’t up to me, when I remember not I, but He, it is easy to believe. It feels natural and normal and right.
But there are other times when belief feels delicate, as if the smallest shift against it will send it shattering to the ground. It is in the uneasy belief where I think things happen; the unseen things of grace and trust. But just like those pink tulips in my yard planted by those who came before me, I can’t always see the results.
So, I should probably email you and not post this here. But I will anyway. I am a girl searching for faith, grace, trust…and this post made me cry because, well, it just did.
.-= Emily@remodelingthislife´s last blog ..The Pleated Poppy Giveaway =-.
Lovely post, so eloquent – and I’ve been feeling every bit of what you described. My faith is there but when I’m not seeing the results of much (years) of prayer it’s difficult to remain hopeful. I keep telling myself, “even with faith as small as a mustard seed the mountain will move” I must remain hopeful for God’s timing for the results are not my timing. It’s hard to not see the mountain moving yet but I know God is so good.
It looks like the enemy is attacking many of us simultaneously, Emily. It’s like you read my mind, but put what I was thinking so much more beautifully and eloquently than I ever could. I just keep hearing, “My mercies are new every morning,” and it’s so true. Thank you.
No wonder you are writing a book; you manage to say what women feel, yet with the perfect words to describe the tension. You perfectly describe what so many of us want to say yet feel frustrated such that we cannot utter the right words, sentiments and feeling to describe the struggle. I can so relate to what you are saying, and it resonates within. thanks so much for sharing your heart.
Suzanne
.-= suzanne´s last blog ..Changes…..goals………challenges =-.
“I walk around with the footprint of circumstance stamped dark across my face.” I love the imagery cause I’m there. It’s not a new circumstance per se but it’s walking on me again. Again. That’s where the weary can come in. “It is the invisible fight that wears me out, this striving with all His energy.” Thank God it is His energy. He is who gives me strength not to give up the fight.
His mercies are new every morning…Amen. Hang in there…thanks for the encouragement.
.-= dawn´s last blog ..sometimes we can’t see… =-.
One of my favorite Bible stories is the one in which Jesus asks the man, “Do you believe?” And the man answers, “I believe. Bless Thou my unbelief!”
There’s a difference between knowing what is true and KNOWING it, you know? Yes, you know. And that is why you can write honestly that sometimes that knowledge feels fragile.
Isn’t it nice of God to work with us?
Needeed to hear this. Thanks.
I know this fight.
.-= Southern Gal´s last blog ..The Portrait of a Lived-In House =-.
…….the footprints of circumstances are on me too. We all have these feelings in common. I trust..one day at a time. I can’t do anymore.
.-= angela´s last blog ..Happy Girls And Bubbles =-.
this is SOOO good… so true.
.-= misty´s last blog ..Spring into action or just sit here- that is the question… =-.
Sister, we are walking the same road this week. I just wrote about it last night. Where I find my safe place in those moments when the word faith seems like a mirage.
Here’s to tulips and strong hands.
~Lisa-Jo
.-= Lisa-Jo @thegypsymama´s last blog ..My safe place =-.
I hear your heart. Believing isn’t always easy. During my journey of unemployment (11 months and counting), I’ve learned, as never before, that God knows what I need and when I need it. His faithfulness and mercies astound me. I am trusting him as a sparrow would. No questions asked. No fears that he won’t come through. I am trusting him…because I can.
.-= Gayle´s last blog ..OLD HABITS DIE HARD =-.
This is my constant struggle. Doubt and fear always manage to sneak in. You wrote about it in a much more lovely way than I could though, thank you for sharing that.
.-= Sheri´s last blog ..Does safety trump privacy? =-.
just a sigh. it’s so good to breathe here with you… a restless heart finding rest. go figure. thanks for the reminder.
.-= Kelly Langner Sauer´s last blog ..early =-.
My heart is in a fragile place. I am having to care for her a lot these days. Thank you my sweet friend for writing such beautiful words that tell the story of our soul.
Praying for you ~Renee
Wow, really needed to hear that this morning. I have been battling for some time now, and really not understanding why I was having this tension. You nailed it for me – so, thank you. It is amazing to me how when I am given some understanding; the battle lifts a little and I have been given mercy to walk a little stronger.
I know exactly what you mean, Leslie. Even getting those words out for this post helped me to work through some of this stuff. Something about being able to see something in print and say “That. There. That is where I am.” It helps.
so true that it can feel absurd at times…like if i backed up and listened to me, but i was someone who didn’t believe all this stuff that i’m holding to, how absurd it would sound. and then i remember, this is the stuff faith is made of. and this God has given me this gift to believe. thanks, friend, for the gentle reminder. calling you today, btw.
Thank you for this beautiful post. I, too, am feeling lifes circumstances and struggles, and as a believer, I know all the right things, but it sure is difficult sometimes. But God builds our faith through tough times and we are in turn made more like Him.
Emily,
This was so beautiful.
Thank you. Again.
.-= deb@talk at the table´s last blog ..belated, in the moment, forever =-.
“down on the ground and walked on”. That should be the title of my last little while on my journey. If only I would stop trying to do by “me” not by “He”.
I so appreciate the reminder
.-= Angela´s last blog ..Free and Unfettered =-.