My friend Melissa pointed out the fact that I’ve been talking about fear a lot lately and hoped I’ve been able to kick it out. Sorry I’ve been hiding behind my metaphors. It’s easier sometimes for me to be vague and dodgy until I’ve come through something. So instead of not posting at all, I talk in outlines and shadows.
Not that you can’t guess what I’m afraid of. Basically, I’ve written nearly this whole first book. It’s a rough, rough draft. There’s a lot that I want to re-arrange, re-do and take out. And some other things I haven’t put in yet. But I can see it now, better than I could a month ago. And there are moments where that is exciting. But lately, there are more moments where it is terrifying.
Because all these 50,000 words are sounding painfully the same, my message feels blurry and I’m so tired of hearing my own voice in my head. But then this morning, I got an email from Bonita, this perfectly-timed email. Bonita’s emails are always like that. She said she thought of me when she read this quote because she thought I may be in the stage where I could relate with it.
During the final stages of publishing a paper or book, I always feel strongly repelled by my own writing…it appears increasingly hackneyed and banal and less worth publishing. -Konrad Lorenz
Sometimes all it takes is to know you aren’t crazy, to know that all of these stages are a normal part of the process and that each one is important and needed. And so I’m going to stop talking about fear for a while. I don’t want to practice the presence of fear, I want to rest in the presence of Jesus. And even though the rest hasn’t completely taken hold yet, I trust that it will. And so I wait.
I understand. I’m too afraid to even write on my blog somedays. It’s hard to put your soul out there. I grew up with people telling me I should write, but I couldn’t, because it’s naked and my soul is dirty. I just started writing, for the fun of it, in public, because I realized that Jesus love me and my mess, and isn’t that who matters anyway?
Go! Write! You have a talent and you’re using it for His glory, and as such it will change lives and make a difference.
.-= JoAnn´s last blog ..Birthday Stories of the Random Persuasion =-.
Wow great quote that I can totally relate too. I have a novel that is visiting agents and on the verge of being sent to a pod publisher and I am so tired of reading it and fixing problems. I hope someone accepts it so I can quit obsessing about it.
.-= Chris Weigand´s last blog ..S is for Savor God’s goodnes =-.
I admire you for writing your book. It’s something I would love to do one day. Blogging is enough for me right now. Praying against fear!
.-= Barbie´s last blog ..Sunshine Award! =-.
I, too, need to be practicing the presence of Jesus rather than the presence of fear…thank you for speaking these words, these reminders.
Hugs, kisses, and a box of Kleenex to you my sweet friend. One day you’ll be on the other side of this project reading emails from all the ladies who have been helped so much by your book. And all of “us” will thank you so much for being courageous enough to write it.
.-= Bonita´s last blog ..Breathe =-.
You are brave for even writing a book. Strong and courageous. Fear has no place near you. Glad you are feeling better. I’m sure your book will be wonderful and will help those who read it.
.-= Southern Gal´s last blog ..A Beautiful Saturday in April =-.
Just sending along another little dose of encouragement for you today! Blessings! ~Bethany
Wow. I think I may never actually write a book. I feel this way about *blogging.*
Oh Emily, I can’t wait to read what you have written. It’s one thing to read a book. It’s another to read something written by someone you know, someone whose voice is familiar.
You think when you begin to write it, that it will have someone else’s voice on it, like the books in the bookstore that you buy and read, and in the end, it’s full of you – but YOU is so worth reading. Don’t be afraid to put your mess on the page, because God reveals Himself in our mess and our dust.
And you’re not really hiding behind your metaphors. We all know what you’re going through. We write and live the metaphor too. It’s why we’re so excited about your book.
Love you!
.-= Kelly Langner Sauer´s last blog ..love stories: the purse – part III =-.
Totally and completely 100% normal. If you want someone to look over a chapter and tell you you’re doing great (or not), I’d love to. (This coming from a girl who HATES for anyone to see a rough draft of ANYTHING she writes.)
.-= Marla Taviano´s last blog ..i heart color! =-.
Great quote I found for myself this morning, but I think it may encourage you too…
“most major decisions I’ve made brought FEAR, but I moved ahead anyway. I refuse to be controlled by anything except Jesus.” Rick Warren
love your blog.
i am so glad she sent you that quote. that is exactly how i felt. sick of my own writing, disgusted with my own words after writing my thesis. one thing that helped me was that i had to choose 5 mentors to send it to for review. i was terrified, but the results were so effective (i’m sure that’s what your editor will be for). they combed through my words, made notes (both positive and negative) and finally handed it back to me. And, finally, with renewed strength, I was able to muck through and finish. you will too. and because i know you and know your words here, i know it will be great.
.-= melissa~afamiliarpath´s last blog ..Little tornados =-.
I understand Emily. I think we all feel the same things – even when we write the littlest of things let alone a whole book. Laura Bogess is leading a book discussion on Julie Cameron’s book “The Right to Write.” It is such a common sense, practical look at writing and talks about some of the things you’ve said.
Praying that the Father will meet your every need as you faithfully do what He has called you to do.
.-= Linda´s last blog ..One Done =-.
Emily, just remember that you have been given a wonderful opportunity to share yourself with (hopefully) thousands and thousands of readers who will cherish your every word. There’s nothing to be afraid of, but I can understand the second guessing and worry. I just know you will hit a homerun and even if you don’t, your friends and family and your blog supporters are going to love you anyway.
Take a deep breath and enjoy the ride!
keep pressin’ on sister! you are doing God’s work and remember Satan doesn’t want this book to be written. God has equipped you with what you need for all that He has called you too. I am taking comfort in this very fact in my own life. fear is ugly and it has come knocking at my door recently – but we keep on fighting and releasing our lives into HIS complete control.
love you!
Don’t you love friends like Bonita? Priceless and rare.
.-= Gayle´s last blog ..Galveston, Oh, Galveston =-.
I am so very, very glad that you received that bit of assurance. And. . . of course. . . “they that wait upon the Lord will renew their strength: they shall mount up with wings like eagles. They shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint” (Isaiah 40). And my favorite: “Wait on the Lord. Be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart” (Psalm 27).
By the way, have you read Brother Lawrence’s book, Practicing the Presence of God? Your wording in that last paragraph made me think of it.
You are so dear.
You talk about your book with fear and trembling and misgivings while each time I hear you say it, I am more and more convinced of my desire to read it. Your uncertainty makes me more certain that you were the one God intended to bring this message through.
Yipee! That’s wonderful that you’ve completed the first draft — that’s a huge accomplishment! And, at least to me, the hardest part. I am much better at editing, massaging and improving than I am at actually getting words onto paper (or screen). I think taking a bit of space and stepping away from your manuscript might be helpful. I find some distance helps provide more clarity as to what the good stuff is, what needs to be expanded, and what needs to hit the cutting room floor. You go, girl — we are behind you all the way!
.-= Michelle at Graceful´s last blog ..Flying =-.
I echo what Cindy says… the more God wills this, the more the enemy will cast shadows of doubt on your mind and heart. Shake off the shadows and remember that God’s whispers are more powerful than the enemy’s noise. Love and peace to you, Emily. Keep moving forward!
.-= Lisa´s last blog ..I Take It Back =-.
Thank you, Emily. This is exactly what I needed to hear. God spoke to me through these words of yours. Not because I’m writing a book, but for a totally different reason. But for what it’s worth, I wanted you to know I appreciate this post.
.-= Amber´s last blog ..A very tasty couscous salad… =-.
Though you may be tired of your own words, I never tire of reading them. Keep on my friend!
.-= The Scooper´s last blog ..For the Love of Friendship =-.
And this is why I’m terrified to write more than articles…
Praying for you often, friend, as you work through this process.
.-= Ashleigh (Heart & Home)´s last blog ..Quick Note =-.
Praying for your sweet friend!! Your email last week meant so much to me. Funny how God sends the messages we need from those who understand the tangles in our hearts. I needed to read this today and so many of your commenters really encouraged me, too, as I work to complete my first draft. You are so ahead of me!
i can relate to this post in every. single. way.
I am just so proud of you. You are cranking away at this thing, and it is no doubt from your heart – which is so clued into God, my friend. These books are going to be something else, I tell you.
Fist pump.
xo elizabeth
.-= Boy Crazy (@claritychaos)´s last blog ..meeting my edge =-.