Most of the night last night, I was awake. When I did sleep, I had a dream that I printed out my manuscript and it fell from the printer like soup. So I grabbed a little Japanese bowl to catch it with and took a sip without thinking. And then I worried because I wasn’t sure which chapter I ate.
My youngest is struggling through asthma this week. I hold him, warm and wheezy while he asks me for his medicine at 5 am. I step on a matchbox car in the sunroom on the way to get it. I think about turning 33 this week: the Jesus age.
He finally falls asleep and I watch as the air outside his window turns from black to glowing blue. His breathing is more even now, though raspy and loud. My own body is fighting off a cold and my mind is fighting off anxiety. My spirit has been sweetly redeemed by Jesus, but my mind still hasn’t caught up. And so I set it on truth, over and again. In some ways it has taken hold; in other ways I’m still waiting.
Sometimes I fight the rhythm of this God-breathed life. I try to force it smooth and shiny even though I should know better than that by now. I wheeze and cough my way through it, struggling against the tempo He has set. Today, I choose to receive His way of things, to breathe in this day as from His hand. It is really the only way to peace.
Your dream–about wondering which chapter you ate–cracked me up. But your analogy–the breathing–convicted and encouraged in one fell swoop. “So I set it on truth, over and again.” I’ve also been trying to make it smooth & shiny, but I know better too. And again I’m reminded of what I know here. Thank you.
.-= Jo@Mylestones´s last blog ..The Quotable Kids: Animal Edition =-.
Emily,
this was so real. I felt I was there with you. How we are all watching that same black to blue sky together sometimes.
Breathe your day deep.
Your dream – wow. Your words – beautiful. Breathe. Such a simple thing yet so hard to do sometimes. Hope your son is much better now.
.-= Southern Gal´s last blog ..Sacks of Love =-.
praying for all of you this week….anxiety…asthma…all of it.
This was so beautifully written. Praying for you this week as you find rest in your spirit.
.-= Monica´s last blog ..Turning Five Scrapbook Page =-.
It’s such a surrendering isn’t it? Such a backwards and upside-down way of doing life. I’m hoping you’ll find rest, both physical and spiritual. Beautifully-written post.
.-= The Scooper´s last blog ..Crazy Nest =-.
Beautiful – such grace……
Peace to you…
I’m saving this one. And I have quite a collection of Japanese bowls if you’re ever in the mood to do a dream reenactment.
“I try to force it smooth and shiny even though I should know better than that by now.”
I’m in the middle of this – the trying to smooth and shine – this week. Actually, the truth is I’ve been doing it for a while now. I’m just starting to see it. And finding peace seems like such an uphill battle sometimes. But I suppose He did promise to fight for us (Exodus 14:14). I just have to remember to be still.
.-= Imperfect´s last blog ..Means to an End =-.
I think we all fight that rhythm from time to time. We can’t find real peace until we surrender to Him again, but boy, that can sure be hard.
Hope your son is feeling better soon.
My response will fail compared to what you just posted, but needed to just the same. Beautiful. We try to to smooth and shine that which our God just wants us to bring to him just as it is. No need for polish with him. And the “perfectness” we try to create is only an illusion. The beauty lies in the mess. Even sometimes amidst our own sinfulness. He keeps reminding me of the phrase “I come before you Lord, just as I am.” I will say a prayer for you.
.-= Jill´s last blog .."Junk"le Bells in April =-.
“The Jesus age”…33 years of perfection. You will be just fine.
.-= angela´s last blog .."Stay Four More Minutes Nonny" =-.
I needed this today. You’re the second person today I know who didn’t sleep last night. I love this:
“Today, I choose to receive His way of things, to breathe in this day as from His hand. It is really the only way to peace.”
.-= Prudence´s last blog ..Hunted =-.
Wow! I will be praying for your lovely child…we have asthma issues in our house too and it can be very scary. I love this post. Breathing is so key in our lives, our faith, and our minds. This is something I am working on too. God is SO awesome…if we just stop and rest in His spirit He will carry us through…as I learned recently…that is true security in Him. Love you, Emily. Hope everyone starts feeling better soon in your house.
.-= Mary Joy@Snapshots from my Heart & Home´s last blog ..“We were meant to be incredible before & afters!!!”—Beth Moore =-.
Oh, to be 33 again. Breathe, girl. You’re still a spring chicken…. and a pretty one.
.-= Dayle´s last blog ..Along the Garden Path ~ Outdoor Wednesday =-.
rest my dear… don’t over think… just hold your little one and let Jesus hold you and your amazing manuscript. And have a delightful birthday… celebrate like nobody’s business! We had fun today. let’s do it again soon!
Beautiful post. Found myself slowing my breathing as I read. Thanks.
your only 33 too! just like that baby ruthanne. all my favorite people had a birthday this week. you, ruthanne, marsha. i need to move my birthday to april. all the stars were born that month.
.-= melissa~afamiliarpath´s last blog ..Love the moment you’re in =-.
This is beautiful–and timely for me. My 5-year-old son was diagnosed with asthma two days ago. I’ve been thrown into the scary and uncertain world of timed breathing treatments, steroids, listening to raspy breaths, watching his little lungs struggle beneath his skin…oh, I can feel the fear welling up near the top, threatening to spill out and take over. I look around the house–it’s a mess. Laundry–it’s a mountain. To-do’s–I’ll never get them all finished. But there is a sweet peace that surpasses my understanding, and I know Who gives it to me. God is good–all the time.
I always love your posts, Emily.
Today, I choose to receive His way of things…yes. I’m there too. Trust. Surrender. Wait. Trust.
And setting your mind on Truth…over and over. Exactly the prescription.
He is in control. Peace to you.
.-= dawn´s last blog ..a gift unwrapped =-.
a lovely post. you have a way with words.
i’ve started reading your site and thought it was time to say hi.
blessings!
.-= Julia´s last blog .. =-.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, sweet friend. i love you, and i hope that little baby boy starts feeling better soon. your jesus year is going to be the best yet.
.-= Melissa´s last blog ..Chocolate Chip Cookies Turn Shortcake =-.
Oh, Emily. . . I hear you. I had such plans for this week. I wanted to really work at blogging this week. I have my very first linky party coming up next week, and I thought that I’d use this week to make connections and strengthen connections. And I’m hosting a bridal shower on Sunday, so I planned to finish projects and spring clean the house and arrange flowers and. . . .
Right.
I spent most of Tuesday at Duke Health Center. He was having severe chest pains, which is a worrisome symptom for someone with heart problems. He is fine, thank God, but my agenda? Out the window.
Your post reminds me to breathe–deeply–of the God-scented air. Some days I feel barely able to catch my breath, but that’s just a feeling. Thanks for prompting me to think differently.
.-= Richella´s last blog ..English teacher =-.
Beautifully said as always, Emily.
One thing that constantly amazes me is how we can know God’s truth, but still feel restless. Why, when Christ is firmly rooted in us, do we sway so easily? Yet, it happens. I’m teetering right along with you — I pray that you and I both fall blissfully in step with God today and every day. Love you!
.-= Lisa´s last blog ..Hi Def =-.
You are precious to me!!! Happy Birthday, my friend.
.-= Angela´s last blog ..A sweet surprise =-.
I keep breathing when I come here. I love it. Because I’ve been dreaming in code, making a place. I’m almost done. So are you.
.-= Kelly Langner Sauer´s last blog ..love stories: the purse – part III =-.
Emily – You have a true God-given gift. Your posts are always so beautiful.
.-= Amber´s last blog ..Blowing out the birthday candles… =-.
I am printing this post out. It is conviction and encouragement all at once, for I fight the rhythm far more than sometimes.
Your dream sounds like something from out of Alice in Wonderland!
The 30′s are freeing, I think it was the first time I felt like I was beginning to know my own mind or at least was gaining the courage to stand by it.
Although, I will always be a bit silly and childlike, I began to grasp what being grown up must be like!
Blessings.
.-= imoomie´s last blog ..Ahhh… =-.