“If I pulled back the curtain to allow you to view heavenly realms, you would understand much more. However, I have designed you to walk by faith, not by sight.”  -Sarah Young, Jesus Calling

This morning my son woke me up with a pat on the back and a loud, Mommy, you can come up now. I had to smile at his choice of words. I immediately pictured Lazarus wrapped up in dead clothes and Jesus calling out to him to rise up and live. Sometimes it seems impossible to come up from underneath the heavy weight of disbelief. But the moment the choice is made, the burden becomes easy and light. The choice comes first, though, and that’s the hard part. If I waited until it felt true, I may have never believed.

So, for what it’s worth, you can come up now. I know you may not choose to, but you can. And that’s all I’ve got today.

Even though my head knows the great faithfulness of God and those mercies that never come to an end, sometimes my experience lies and tells me that those mercies are all dried up. I walk around with the footprint of circumstance stamped dark across my face. I’ve been down on the ground, walked on.

Choosing to believe Love and Faithfulness feels absurd sometimes. It is the invisible fight that wears me out, this striving with all His energy. When I know it isn’t up to me, when I remember not I, but He, it is easy to believe. It feels natural and normal and right.

But there are other times when belief feels delicate, as if the smallest shift against it will send it shattering to the ground. It is in the uneasy belief where I think things happen; the unseen things of grace and trust. But just like those pink tulips in my yard planted by those who came before me, I can’t always see the results.