We talked about putting a bench in the grassy area of our cul-de-sac for over a year. Last week, our neighbor finally bought one and another neighbor bought another one. Now, there are two benches facing each other in front of our houses, like our little community of seven homes finally has a living room.
As I was preparing dinner yesterday afternoon, I glanced out my kitchen window and saw three of our neighbors sitting on those benches, facing one another. I’ve seen them outside in the past, chatting over newly fetched mail or exchanging comments about the weather. But they never chatted long, as their aging bodies wouldn’t cooperate with the demands of standing for so long.
I went outside and entered into the conversation with them for a while. They spoke of children and grandchildren, aging siblings and friends, the weather. They enjoyed the breeze and waved at the occasional passing car. They lingered. I made my way back to the kitchen to finish up dinner but kept my eye on them. They stayed out for nearly an hour. I’ve not seen them do that before. It isn’t that they didn’t want to be together, but before it wasn’t so easy. Now, they had a bench to sit on. And the bench made all the difference.
People want to talk about things. They want to relate and live in community and converse and be together. Sometimes they just need a bench. They need a place to get the conversation started, a platform that allows them to linger and find one another. The small group I lead every Wednesday night is like a bench for freshman girls, a place for them to come and share their lives and hopefully, see glimpses of Jesus. Tuesdays Unwrapped is like a bench for writers who want to share their celebrations of the ordinary. The book I’m writing will be a bench for women who are weary of being pushed around by fear.
Every community needs a bench. What kind of bench do you need these days? Are you waiting for someone else to put it out there? Or are you building a bench yourself?
Amazing concept that the bench made all the difference. One simple thing to build community when we try to make it so difficult. Great lesson, Emily. Thanks
I am fighting the urge to wait for someone else to set up benches…great post.
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love love this Emily.
I do think of these blogging communities as benches.
We have a green box bench in our neighbourhood. (one of those otherwise unsightly hydro boxes) It’s the well , the bench, the sacred space of our little world.
What a terrific idea.
This fits SO perfectly with the book project I’m working on! May have to quote you!
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I love this post. Funny how we need a little help to come together.
I have a swing in my front yard, under the big maple tree. I sit there most often to unwind. To watch the breeze in the trees. To listen and wtch the busy birds. To marvel at the beauty of the earth. To heal. To read my scriptures. To pray. To ponder. It’s my quiet place. As I am the neighbor most often to intiate conversation and relationships on our circle. My problem is getting people to understand when I am sitting on my swing I am already in a conversation.
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Interesting how written words can spark a community, since writing is such a solitary sport. Writing PERSONAL stuff has always petrified me because you are basically having an intimate, exposing, conversation with the world…maybe I should read your book regarding fear
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love the bench “metaphor” and reality. great for building neighborhood relationships!! love the idea!
i love how you do that…take a regular scene & create an eloquent metaphor
i love it
great post, friend. i could use a bench about just about anything right now.
i just need to sit down. love you. good to chat with you for a min. this morning.
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Oh my dear friend. You’re tweaking my heart today. There’s been a thought in the back of my mind about a bench that I’m supposed to build. Maybe.
Between your post and Melissa’s at (in)courage today, I’m thinking I need to get out my hammer.
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Emily, what a most beautiful post. Such food for thought, what bench do I need, could I make. Thank you for this.
I love this post too Emily. I kept thinking about the days (long, long ago) when we used to sit out on the front porch and visit back and forth with neighbors. It was such a pleasant way to spend a summer evening.
I am thinking that perhaps we, each of us, set out little benches when we write on our blogs and click publish. We invite one another in – to laugh, to cry, to share….. It isn’t a substitute for our real-life relationships, but it’s a pleasant way to connect. Who knows, perhaps some of these relationships will become real-life ones!
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I love this imagery. Looking forward to your book!
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I love this post! I’m going to think about what kind of bench I’d like to put out.
Brilliant idea for the real life neighborhood, I might add. 
Donna
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I think I may have begun building a bench at our women’s gathering this past week. I told my story, or testimony if you prefer, and found several others in our church who have been through similar circumstances. I already know these women, but now we have more common ground on which to sit and connect. God is good!
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Love these thoughts, Emily. My husband and I have had many conversations in recent months about what creates community in neighborhoods and how neighbors can build more relationship with each other. I enjoyed reading your insight and observations in this weeks Tuesdays Unwrapped. I am going to link to it on Twitter…
Yes! The bench! This is exactly what I have realized over the last few months in my artist-mother group. We had workshops where we created art about the transitions to motherhood, meeting weekly since February. We just had our exhibition (with six installations!) last weekend, and the responses we got from other mothers – brand new and aging grammas, was that we need to be sharing these stories out loud. You are exactly right – people do desire community, listening ears, a venue for conversation. I’m so honored and humbled that this art project I was part of created that for people in our community. And I definitely feel like your Tuesdays offer that, as well.
I love it, Emily. A bench. It’s perfect. I’m going to share this with the mamas in my group.
xo elizabeth
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I LOVE THIS!!!! You are absolutely right. Thank you for your beautiful words… I’ll be linking to my facebook to share with friends!
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I love the way you wrote this. Just perfect.
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Dearest Emily, such a lovely post. I lament to fading of front-porch culture, and I too search for the moments when a bench may be shared. I often find myself pining for that. Thank you for your lovely blog and especially “Tuesdays Unwrapped.” I have participated for some time, and I have enjoyed reading the lovely, sometimes profound, and sometimes so tenderly simple blessings that I feel as if each were a little gift.
I love this post… I need time to really ponder the personal bench…
I love community benches! =)
Love! Love! Love this post! Just tweeted it twice!!
Have a great weekend,
Stacey
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This is a wonderful post, Emily. I live on a street of bungalows, many with cozy front porches. In my walks around the neighborhood with the kids, I often sit a spell on a front step, or a porch swing, to catch up with Marge or Karna or Marion. The homes are humble — nothing big or fancy. No master suites or sprawling backyards or ginormous kitchens (not that I don’t wish for those things sometimes, too!!). I think I could toss a tomato out my kitchen window and hit the house next door no problem. But we have front porches…and that makes all the difference. I just love this about my community. It feels real and comforting. It feels like love.
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Oh, I LOVE this! We live in a neighborhood of busyness. Everyone is running in one direction or another. We have no commonality. We have no benches, neither symbolic nor actual. I’m pondering this as I sit here now…
I am also thinking of other areas of my relationship life which could use a bench.
This post is a bit of a mission statement, I think.
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You write words and they are sure and steady and we all come and sit here long, lines that are a bench.
Thank you for what you do here, Emily.
I am praying for you and your wondrous words today.
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I don’t have words for how much I enjoyed this post, so I will just have to give you two thumbs up!
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