The following is a guest post by Kelly Langner Sauer. To learn more about Kelly, see below.
There is a new side to me from which I’ve been living in recent weeks. It hails from some new-healed place in my heart I didn’t know existed. I want to call it confidence, and indeed, it is. But it is not simply “confidence.” It is love. A “being loved.” An “I know that who I am has a place in someone’s heart.” It says “who I am is beautiful” and “I don’t have to measure up.”
I told someone once that I wouldn’t believe I was beautiful until I heard it from a man who loved me. I figured at the time this one who would make me beautiful would be my husband. I was half-begging anyone to love me then.
As it turned out, it wasn’t my husband. I got married, and I still didn’t believe it. Because you see, husbands have to say we’re pretty. You know. Like they have to tell us we’re not fat. (Which of us really believes them when they tell us that?) My poor husband completely believed I was beautiful. And he told me so. And I completely didn’t believe him.
He told me he loved me too. And I acknowledged that, like I acknowledged that God loved me. Of course he loved me. He married me. Of course God loved me. He sent Jesus for me.
But I didn’t believe it. Not really. Not deep down.
.
A couple years ago, I received a comment from Amber Haines. Emily had roomed with her at Blissdom that year, and I guess they had been sharing links and friends.
“Emily said you have an amazing blog,” she said – or something to that effect.
All I read was “Emily said.”
She had noticed me. Me, puttering away and not thinking about too much and thinking about way too much at my blog. I straightened up a little. Realized that there was someone reading my words. Someone thought I mattered, enough to recommend me to someone else as cool as Amber.
.
Someone else thought I mattered too. Someone whose heart for me caused Him to take on my dust, walk around in it, die condemned in my place.
I didn’t know how He loved me. I was still waiting for the “I love you” to be real enough to make me believe it. Then, “while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.”
While I was what I was, while I was where I was, before I was ever born to become the mess that I’d be, God noticed me. He’d created me in His image for His glory; for that alone, my dust was worth redemption.
He had noticed me.
.
I don’t think Emily meant to be Jesus to me. I don’t think she knew when she shared my blog around that I was one of “the least of these.” But her gift opened my eyes to God’s gift, the Jesus I now dare to speak without shame. He spoke His love over me, and He spoke deep into heart-wounds that said love could die.
I’ve got news. It can’t. It doesn’t.
Because He who is Love died already, once for all. “Who I am” was no longer condemned. “It is finished,” He said.
And He doesn’t have to say “I love you.”
…..
Kelly is a talented writer and photographer, wife and mama. She sees, not only with her eyes, but with heart and spirit. She writes about the invisible grit, the soul parts that we feel but can’t see. And she does so with grace, honesty, and whispered words of faith. I’ve not yet met her in real life, but I hope to one day soon. She is a gift to me. Visit her at A Restless Heart or at KellyLangnerSauer{dot}com. You’ll see what I mean.
Oh friend, Kelly, I agree with you, know it from my guts, what you say about being noticed and known. Emily is very much like Jesus. I am grateful for them both – and you.
Amber@theRunaMuck´s last [type] ..My Nineveh My Africa
Beautiful, Kelly, of course!
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we all want to be seen, don’t we? and so the gift of seeing others is so huge…but usually shows up in teeny tiny gestures – like the mention of your name to another. i’m reminded of this: “For who has despised the day of small things?” (Zechariah 4:10), and reminded that God really is in the details of life.
beautiful post.
Isn’t it amazing that we say things – even in passing that can give life to others! Oh words do matter, especially when they are dripping in love and encouragement! Love that Emily specializes in both!
Simply a beautiful reminder,
Stacey
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If only we realized what a difference we can all make in the life of someone else, just with our words. King Solomon said it best when he said the power of life and death are in the tongue.
Great post.
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Hi Emily and Kelly ~
Thank you for sharing this space, these beautiful words.
Reading this, I think about the fact that God IS love.
He is very love.
He doesn’t HAVE to say it.
For He *is* it.
1 John 4:16
I have to giggle some happy here, Jennifer. I almost said that in my conclusion, then left it out – but you got it anyway!
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Noticing makes all the difference. Beautiful post. And what a serene site to visit.
i love and relate to this post so much. i have struggled since becoming a christian w/ the reality/believing truth that God loves me. i knew it for other people, but just never for myself. slowly, i am getting there. i am living more and more on grace and that alone is changing me. i think i see how he loves me when i’m able to love beyond myself, despite myself.
thank you both for sharing this space!
this knowing was so not an easy journey for me. emily’s notice was just the beginning, but He is so faithful… I know you’ll know more deeply as He does His work best.
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You’ve illustrated this beautifully, Kelly.
Elizabeth @claritychaos´s last [type] ..rich
I think one of the hardest things for me to believe is that I am loved for simply being. I think I need to be SOMETHING to be worthy, but that’s backwards thinking. I just need to accept it. HARD. TO. DO!
Thanks for this. I found your blog yesterday Kelly and I LOVE IT.
The end.
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so nice to “meet” you, JoAnn!
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This accepting love is something to celebrate. And share.
Thank you for sharing it in such a beautiful way!
Amen. Beautifully written.
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This is beautiful and I can so relate.
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You are just darling, Kelly! Your words here blessed the livin’ daylights outta me. THANK YOU!
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