2010 August | chatting at the sky

tuesday

August 31, 2010

Emily’s internet has disintegrated so the Sister is here while on the phone with her, trying to find a photo of something other than furniture to post. She’s at home with a sick boy, no internet, no cable no home phone, enjoying a Tuesday 1800′s style.

Filed Under Tuesdays Unwrapped 23 Comments

on loving those teenage girls

August 30, 2010

As school starts back and I prepare to begin meeting weekly with my girls small group (now 10th graders!), I’ve been thinking about what it means to love them. I wish I could give a list of guaranteed ways to win the heart of a teenager, because I tend to be a glass-is-half-full type of person and that list is yellow and happy and sure.

But we all know there are no guarantees in matters of the heart. And maybe I have more questions than answers. My girls are only six, but I’ve been a mama long enough to know that six turns into sixteen all too quickly. After nearly 10 years in youth ministry, it seems like the issues are always the same between mamas and daughters, just dressed up in different clothes. It’s true that the Bible says she is to honor you as her mother. But are there ways to encourage that as her natural response rather than an external command?

It may be true that she is being too sensitive and too dramatic. But if you tell her that, it won’t help and it could hurt. I was too sensitive and too dramatic just last week. Or was it this morning? Their stuff may be minuscule in the scope of life, but it is their stuff. To respect her life-stage is to love her.

One of the biggest mistakes I make as a parent or as a small group leader is when I confuse her behavior with her identity. It is so important to encourage girls in their identity as individuals and in Christ rather than try to shame them into better behavior. It may be true that she is acting irresponsibly. But better to call the choice an irresponsible one or the behavior irresponsible rather than to say that she is irresponsible. The goal is to empower, not to shame.

Above all, remember what Love did. Even though he knew they would choose the wrong one, God still put two trees in the Garden. Because a choice with no opportunity for failure isn’t really a choice, is it?

That thought terrifies me. I want to give every opportunity for success. But I want to hang on without suffocating. I want to offer support without being pushy. Is it possible to lead or parent these girls without being motivated by fear?

When she isn’t listening or doesn’t seem to care, she hears more than we know and cares more than we think. She is just learning how to show it. She is asking if she is worth it. And oh, how you know that she is worth it. How you long to tell her so. She needs time, lots of time. She needs eye contact and gentle words and love poured out all over her.

She needs our faith, not our anxiety. She needs our love, not our fear. At the same time, she needs to see our weakness and then, she needs to watch what we do with it. How do you show love to the girls in your life?

The girls in these photos are two beautiful students from the youth group where The Man is a youth pastor.

Filed Under youth ministry 68 Comments

tuesday lines on saturday

August 28, 2010

Here are some of my favorite lines from those of you who participated in Tuesdays Unwrapped this week.

“I mourned the end of summer break and the start of a new season of my life. The one where both of my children go to school all day and I learn how to be a different kind of mom. He showed me that my youngest starting kindergarten is really not about me. He reminded me that it’s been His plan all along, this growing up thing.” Brianna, And Then Some More

. . . because when I read her words, something dislodged from an anxiety place inside me and I could breathe a little easier. It’s not about me, this is as it should be . . .

“Outside, black to blue to gray to pink, it is the most amazing time of day. Light washes away Darkness, Dawn gives birth to Morning.” Patty, Finding Serendipity

. . . because she sees worship in nature as perhaps no other, and she appreciates the beauty of light.

“Test results do not shake Him. Disease does not confuse Him. Toddlers do not try Him. Sin does not override Him. He sits secure today.” Lara, My Adventure With God

. . . because she is a friend in real life and I can hear her sweet voice as she says it. And because I know she believes it and because I know it’s true.

“First I notice the…remnants from last night’s supper scattered beneath the metal table. How can I rest when carpenter ants scavenge brittle pizza crust? When a rainbow of moon sand from this afternoon’s play glitters across the cement, begging to be swept? So I sweep. Return broom to garage. And I sit again.” Michelle, Graceful

. . . because I do this, too; this resting that mingles with activity that just won’t stop. And because she finds a way to do both without feeling guilty.

Join us here every Tuesday as we seek to discover gifts in the midst of the messy, the lovely, and the unexpected.

Filed Under Tuesdays Unwrapped 12 Comments

she can laugh at the 31 days to come

August 27, 2010

The days I have coming are filled with lots of writing. As you know, I turned in the manuscript for my first book back in July. Since then, my editor has finished reading it and I can breathe a heavy sigh of sweet relief at her kind words. As I prepare to receive her edits, I also got word that my second book deadline has been extended from February to September. That means I have a full year to finish the second book.

Still, I have to finish the second book. This time, not for grown ups, but for girls still in the process of becoming who they will be. Perhaps I should just call them ‘teenage girls’ because aren’t we all still in the process of becoming who we will be? And I will soon be asking your help, because as of now, neither one of these books has a title. A title is the most important part, as I nearly always judge books by their covers. Don’t you? But there are other things coming, too.

Because I am no longer under such a tight deadline, I feel free to write here with a bit more frequency and heart. And I am so excited about what’s coming. Thanks to my sister The Nester for the idea gathering and Pro-Blogger Darren Rowse for the inspiration, during October, I will join seven other bloggers in writing a month long series unique to our individual blogs and messages. Each one of us will develop 31 posts based on things we are excited to talk about. Do you want to see who is involved?

The Nester from Nesting Place: 31 Days to a Less Messy Nest

Emily from Remodeling This Life :: 31 Days of Living Simply

Jen from Balancing Beauty and Bedlam :: 31 Days to More . . . with Less

Melissa from The Inspired Room :: 31 Days of Autumn Bliss

Sandy from Reluctant Entertainer :: 31 Days to Stress-Free Entertaining

Kendra from My First Kitchen :: 31 Days to an Inspired Table

Darcy of My 3 Boybarians :: 31 Days to a Better Photo

And here, at Chatting at the Sky :: 31 Days of Grace

I know there are still five weeks until October, but it is certainly fun to anticipate an entire month of focus, whether it be getting tips on keeping my nest less messy, or issuing an invitation for you to breathe deeply of sweet grace. I hope you will enjoy it. In the meantime, I will be writing. And drinking coffee. And fixing a few dinners. And stuff.

Filed Under 31 Days of Grace, a writer 41 Comments

the tension :: a guest post

August 26, 2010

Kristen is originally an Oklahoma girl but has traveled far and wide with her Air Force husband of 15 years. Kristen and David have 3 precious young’uns, twin sons (age 10) and a daughter (age 7). She is a forever work-in-progress whose current refining location is Colorado. She and 3 dear friends write to encourage at Moms Sharpening Moms.

At two, major separation anxiety had this boy clinging to my leg and crying as I dropped him off in the nursery or childcare room. I had to psychologically gear myself up to attend a MOPS meeting or Mother’s Day Out because I knew the first few minutes would be an ordeal. He would cry because he wanted Mama and no one else would do.

Now I’m the one fighting separation anxiety. While I love the freedom that comes with older children, I sometimes miss their unabashed ways of love-display that came from their preschool little bodies. Oh, I do not miss the crying fits. What I do miss is their bright and blazing way of showing love, like running full tilt and knocking me down with squealing hugs. Or, curling up all snuggly in my lap.

This tall 10 year old can’t fit in my lap.

I am striving to stop neck pain that comes from persistently looking backwards and enjoy my children in the here and now. What I have discovered are many moments – gifts from my Daddy – that show me this child’s love is as real and present as it was when he was very little. The difference is these moments sneak in more subtly. Moments like:

Leaning his head on my shoulder.

Sidling up to me while movie watching.

Asking me what I think about his new Lego creation.

Singing along with me to the car radio.

These love gestures are so small that I may have missed them had I not been looking.

The hallmark of these child-rearing years seems to be tension. Tension from children as they balance drawing close and pulling away. Tension from this Mama who balances her job of embracing cuddly close while encouraging (appropriate) independence.

I wonder if Jesus aches over this tension, too. Balancing our free will with His desire for us to want His presence. It is such a comfort to think that whatever I am feeling, He gets me. He’s been there, done that.

Those of you with young’uns beyond the preschool stage, what love gestures do your children show? Am I the only Mama who thinks they are few and far between ’til I take the time to see them?

Filed Under a mother, guest post 29 Comments

chatting at the sky on facebook

August 25, 2010

I shared on my Facebook page that I cried during The Dog Whisperer last night. I know. What is happening to me? I guess that dog is working his way in. All that to say, I now have a Facebook page for Chatting at the Sky. I’ve had it for a few weeks, but haven’t really told you about it.

I’m trying to keep my personal profile personal as there is a lot of identifying information on there and I’d like to keep my kids names private from the blog. So, I thought it was time to separate the two. If you’d like to keep in touch on Facebook, you can like Chatting at the Sky here. And the dessert has nothing to do with anything, but doesn’t it look good? It’s from a date night a few months ago. That was a good night.

I’ve been weepy today as the girls are off to school and we saw their kindergarten teachers from last year in the hallway and they were nervous/excited/happy and a mama just gets weepy on the first day of school just because. And the dog just broke a lamp. How does a dog break a lamp? By being an animal in the house, that is how. I’m gonna go find me some dessert.

The winner of Marybeth Whalen’s book The Mailbox is Heathalee of Butterfly Genes. Congrats! I sent you an email so check your inbox. Aren’t free books the best?

Filed Under blog business 21 Comments

together on a tuesday

August 24, 2010

“All who would win joy must share it; happiness was born a twin.” -Lord Byron

They have always been buddies, but as we approach first grade this week, they seem to have grown into more. They are connected, these two. They are connected in ways I am understanding less about, but appreciating more. I have of course always been thankful for them, but the feel of this thankfulness changes as they grow. As those long restless nights of nursing two at once have faded fuzzy, I have a growing respect for the gift of twins, for the beauty of two girls at one time and what it will mean for them for a lifetime. I take great comfort in knowing they will always have each other.

Is there a gift that has slowly changed form over time? Are there small, subtle gifts in your hands even now? The guidelines for Tuesdays Unwrapped are here. In summary, link up with the permalink to your unwrapped post, or your link will be deleted. I would also ask, as a courtesy, that you would please link back here to Chatting at the Sky by either using the button or a text link somewhere in your post. Thank you.

Filed Under a mother, Tuesdays Unwrapped 33 Comments