Kristen is originally an Oklahoma girl but has traveled far and wide with her Air Force husband of 15 years. Kristen and David have 3 precious young’uns, twin sons (age 10) and a daughter (age 7). She is a forever work-in-progress whose current refining location is Colorado. She and 3 dear friends write to encourage at Moms Sharpening Moms.
At two, major separation anxiety had this boy clinging to my leg and crying as I dropped him off in the nursery or childcare room. I had to psychologically gear myself up to attend a MOPS meeting or Mother’s Day Out because I knew the first few minutes would be an ordeal. He would cry because he wanted Mama and no one else would do.
Now I’m the one fighting separation anxiety. While I love the freedom that comes with older children, I sometimes miss their unabashed ways of love-display that came from their preschool little bodies. Oh, I do not miss the crying fits. What I do miss is their bright and blazing way of showing love, like running full tilt and knocking me down with squealing hugs. Or, curling up all snuggly in my lap.
This tall 10 year old can’t fit in my lap.
I am striving to stop neck pain that comes from persistently looking backwards and enjoy my children in the here and now. What I have discovered are many moments – gifts from my Daddy – that show me this child’s love is as real and present as it was when he was very little. The difference is these moments sneak in more subtly. Moments like:
Leaning his head on my shoulder.
Sidling up to me while movie watching.
Asking me what I think about his new Lego creation.
Singing along with me to the car radio.
These love gestures are so small that I may have missed them had I not been looking.
The hallmark of these child-rearing years seems to be tension. Tension from children as they balance drawing close and pulling away. Tension from this Mama who balances her job of embracing cuddly close while encouraging (appropriate) independence.
I wonder if Jesus aches over this tension, too. Balancing our free will with His desire for us to want His presence. It is such a comfort to think that whatever I am feeling, He gets me. He’s been there, done that.
Those of you with young’uns beyond the preschool stage, what love gestures do your children show? Am I the only Mama who thinks they are few and far between ’til I take the time to see them?
I’m so glad you’re here today, Kristen! Your post has come at the perfect time. It seems as though I should have learned how to go with the growing up flow by now, but I haven’t. It is a fight everyday, especially during big milestones like the first day of first grade. But I am getting used to living with the tension, as I know it won’t go away.
Emily, I know no words to express my appreciation for letting me play at your house today. I am crazy wild about you and your sweet space here!
And yes, it does seem that the tension is here to stay, huh? Here’s to looking and finding more sweet than bitter in the bittersweet. (Clink, clink!)
Kristen-Moms Sharpening Moms´s last [type] ..The Tension
What a sweet post!! This week has been a week of separation anxiety for me as my little one started kindergarten. Thank you for reminding me that our days are but brief moments and that I have to look a little closer sometimes to see the gems of the day!!! Off to follow your blog!
Jennifer
Jennifer´s last [type] ..Wordless Wednesday
I love the way you phrase that…”look a little closer sometimes to see the gems of the day.” YES!
Kindergarten is such a big milestone. I’m praying now that your little one (and her Mama) have a great year.
Kristen-Moms Sharpening Moms´s last [type] ..The Tension
Thank you for sharing this. I can really relate too. I have a 7 yr old son and a 2 yr old son and a 15 year old daughter of my heart. My 7 yr old son still likes to climb up and snuggle with me in our big recliner while I read him books that are now chapter books instead of picture books. He comes up to me and gives me big hugs and thanks me for fixing his favorite meal. My new daughter is a sweetheart and she shows her love for me through leaving me comments and messages on my Facebook Page and “popping” up to chat after school to tell me all about her day.
I think we all struggle with watching them grow up and try their own wings. We just want to hold them close and protect them from the world. But we are doing a great job if we give them the tools they need to face the world including a strong confidence in our unconditional love for them and introducing them to our Heavenly Daddy and His amazing love for us.
Excellent Post!! Thank you! I am not familiar with your website but I am heading over there right now! Sounds like we have the same goals!
Can’t wait to meet you!
Mary Joy @Seeds of Encouragement Sewn with Grace´s last [type] ..REVIEW & GIVEAWAY!!!!- Operation Beautiful- Transforming the Way You See Yourself One Post-It Note at a Time- by Caitlin Boyle
Mary Joy, thank you so much for your encouragement! You sound like one fantabulous Mama. I’m headed over to YOUR blog now!
Kristen-Moms Sharpening Moms´s last [type] ..The Tension
Oh the tension… what a beautiful, incredibly ache-filled sentiment. I know He aches too. Oh yes.
Kristen, your spirit shines, I always love seeing you around encouraging everyone. Emily, thanks for hosting this lovely lady here today.
<3
Ari
To Think Is To Create´s last [type] ..The Abyss
(Big, big grin on my face)…thank you Ari. You are a hundred different kinds of beautiful.
He does ache it indeed, and it’s why His comfort is the best kind when I’m feeling it, too.
Kristen-Moms Sharpening Moms´s last [type] ..The Tension
Kristen & Emily, thank you both for this. I sent my oldest off to college two weekends ago, but when he came home this past Saturday, he wrapped me in a big ol’ bear hug – it was divine. And my almost 15 year old still holds my hand when just the two of us are riding in the car. I don’t guess it ever gets any easier to let your babies spread their wings, though.
Tee, bear hugs from your precious offspring have to be the best kind of all. Thank you for showing me more examples of big-kid love gestures!
Kristen-Moms Sharpening Moms´s last [type] ..The Tension
I have a 9-year-old son and I totally relate to what you’re saying. He reached for my hand the other day as we were crossing the street. I was shocked and absolutely delighted. I held on for as long as I could. Tuesday, as we were driving, he and his sister were belting out Veggie Tales songs (they had the headphones on and probably didn’t even realize I was hearing). I turned the car radio off, drank in their sweet voices, and thanked God for the moment.
lora´s last [type] ..read a book!
Wonderful illustration! For a long time I thought living with this tension was ‘wrong” or could be fixed and am now much more accepting that this is part of life – my life as a mom and my life with Jesus. Perhaps that will be heaven – a place where that tension will no longer exist. good thoughts.
I think you’re right about heaven, Jean.
Kristen-Moms Sharpening Moms´s last [type] ..The Tension
Lora, one of my sons did the same thing not too long ago…grabbed my hand while on a walk. I, too, held on for as long as I could! Savoring those sweet moments!
Kristen-Moms Sharpening Moms´s last [type] ..The Tension
I probably struggled with the same tension. The affection is still there, though. When our 6’4″ son leans over me and gives me a bear hug or leans on his daddy’s shoulder, I get goose bumps. All my children (21, 18, and 8) will still sit in my lap in the recliner…with lots of legs and arms sticking out all over the place! They still crave affection and I love to give it to them.
Southern Gal´s last [type] ..Imperfect Vision
That’s supposed to say 8! I don’t even know how that sunglass smiley face got there!
Southern Gal´s last [type] ..Imperfect Vision
Kristen, you are such a sweetheart. You do an awesome job of giving your children wings to fly off into their own world, and 1000′s of reasons to use those same wings to fly back home to Momma. I know you’ve seen my girl flop herself all over me and I don’t think she will ever truly quit that. My darlin’ boy of 12 still calls downstairs so that I can tuck him in at night. I was watching a movie last night and gave him a quick squeeze so I could get back to it and he says, “NO, Mom! You need to spend more time than that.” Just when I think he’s thinking himself too “big” for me to do these things he goes and surprises me.
Love you,
Cheryl
Cheryl, I just love you to pieces. That is all.
Kristen-Moms Sharpening Moms´s last [type] ..The Tension
I have two girls. . .My oldest used to dislike hugs, walking into them backward when we would ask. As she has gotten older (now 13), she comes up and gives hugs without being asked. My youngest (now 11) used to be more “huggy” and seems to be getting less so, just a bit, but still likes going places with me, even if just for a drive around the neighborhood.
I’m really not a fan of this growing up thing. But it seems like she will be wearing my shoes soon enough. Sigh….
Thanks for sharing Kristen! It is good to have company in this ‘tension’.
Love your heart!
stacey´s last [type] ..Chair Time
my 15 yo is 6’2″, and still looks over his shoulder when he’s walking away and says, with not an ounce of shame, “love ya, mom!” it’s gift i treasure -every time.
sweet post!
patty´s last [type] ..tattered wings
Sweet Mamas, I am so encouraged by all of you who shared your love gestures here. Not only did you bring quieter, smaller examples of love display but big, overt ones, too! And by teenagers! The tension remains, but so does the love. Amen.
So thankful for you gals!
Kristen-Moms Sharpening Moms´s last [type] ..The Tension
Kristen, what a fitting post for me today. My “tension” is over our 12yo son, in the 7th grade this year. The weight of that milestone hit me like a ton of bricks on the first day of school. Instead of feeling like my “baby boy” is grown and gone, I should be finding new moments to treasure and new ways to love him in this season of his life (and reveling in the fact that I don’t have to let go just yet).
Mandy´s last [type] ..Back to School
My girls (8 and 6 yo) still hold my hand when we’re out, and ask me to sit next to them when we’re out. It’s sweet, but I admit, its awfully hard not to miss those preschool days.
Esther´s last [type] ..Blame or re-Frame – John 9-1-5
My son is 21 and it’s not so pretty these days. The other evening he called home, just to check in. I thought I would pass out on the spot from the surprise! I’m sure it will get better. Unfortunately, I was the same way. It’s hard not to look back, isn’t it?
deidra´s last [type] ..Beauty- Barbie- and The Bachelorette
I love reading your mama heart, Kristen. It is so beautiful and tender and full of Jesus. How your words bless me!
Lisa-Jo @thegypsymama´s last [type] ..My Zululand My Birthday
Such a great point. We really can miss those precious indicators of their love. Ever since I adopted my older two as toddlers, I have struggled. With wanting the time to pass quickly during the initial years of healing and attaching. And knowing that the time was precious and needed to be savored in all it’s funkiness. It’s such a balancing act! I find myself crying sometimes (even now) when I think about how big my nearly-nine year old is now. And how very blessed I am to have the chance to be her mom. Thank you for that reminder to savor the subtle loving moments in our kids. So important!!
Laurie Wallin´s last [type] ..Stressful Times Fill Up on Friendship