When I decided to write for 31 days about grace, I wasn’t sure what was gonna come out. I know my own story, how grace is a game-changer, how understanding this undeserved favor makes everything different. But I wasn’t sure how to communicate that in 31 short spurts over a month. When I start talking about grace in real life, people have one of three responses: they get it, they don’t get it, or they think I’m a little bit crazy. Which might actually be a little bit true.
I lived the first half of my Jesus walk in an un-free way. I had rules, and lots of them. I was afraid of doing the wrong thing, of getting into trouble, or even of the appearance of it. Nearly every decision I made came through a filter of fear, and I was good for all the wrong reasons. I could go on and on here, but I wrote an entire book about it (coming out next fall!) so I wouldn’t know where to stop.
Grace took me by surprise. I had just finished my sophomore year at Bible College, but was preparing to transfer to another school. I stayed in South Carolina that summer, squeezing out a few more months with friends before I had to move. It was a humid, sunny day when I sat in the living room of the old duplex I was subletting, my feet bare on the hardwood that never seemed clean no matter how much I swept it. I had my Bible in my lap, the one with my maiden named cursived in gold lettering on the green leather cover, and I read a verse with the word grace in it. I don’t remember which one.
All I know is, the verse troubled me. Because as a girl of 20, I felt like I knew a fair amount about holy, about rules, about discipline, about faithful, but I didn’t really know about grace. I had heard it was Amazing, at least that’s what the song said. I knew I believed in it, I knew it was something good. But for me that day, something was missing.
I watched as those five letters seemed to float up off the page, demanding my attention. GRACE. Being a good Bible College student, I looked up the word, what it meant, where it came from, the context, the background. With furrowed brow and unsettled heart, I couldn’t get it out of my mind. I knew that grace existed, don’t we all know that? Maybe. I don’t know. Maybe not.
As it turns out, understanding grace doesn’t come from study. It comes from need, and I’m talking more than just a need to know. Even so, I began to study this thing called grace. I read about it. I listened to sermons on tape about it. I prayed about it. I took classes about it. For the next several years, this concept of unmerited favor came up again and again. I didn’t know at the time how trying to learn about grace would be like trying to straw-sip the ocean.
Still, this grace-quest continued. And when I met the man who is now my husband, we began to journey together to discover what was so amazing about grace?
Grace is such a personal “experience”. I love that you wrote it comes from a need. And this it does. Being raised with Southern Church values, I heard “by the grace of God” almost everyday of my childhood life but never truly understood what it meant to have Grace bestowed upon you until I needed it. It is a peaceful place and I’m grateful for it everyday!
Thank you for such a great & personal post. But your always awesome.
Wishing you a blessed week.
Daisy @ The Deal Fanatic´s last [type] ..Giveaway- Sear Gift Card ends 10-12
I forgot to add..one of the things I’ve loved about you and your sisters blogs are that you are consistent, authentic and purposeful! I’ve blogged for years and whenever I need remembrance of why I started…I always come here and her blog.
Thanks!
Daisy @ The Deal Fanatic´s last [type] ..Frugal Recipes- Jobs & Shopping
Oh goodness. . . don’t you want to go ahead and publish tomorrow’s post today?
“. . . trying to straw-sip the ocean.” I like that imagery. You have such a gift, Emily. Besides that, you ARE such a gift.
Richella´s last [type] ..Show us your life- the kitchen
“I didn’t know at the time how trying to learn about grace would be like trying to straw-sip the ocean.”
Glorious picture.
Limitless.
Even for good girls.
Especially for good girls.
stacey´s last [type] ..Multitude Monday
I can already tell I’m really going to like this story.
Imperfect´s last [type] ..A Little Bit of Thankfulness
This grace He gives is remarkable…unfathomable…unending…if only we choose to receive it like the gift that it is. But it must be chosen, received, collected…to know truly know it. Thanks for this post!
Erin´s last [type] ..she said- she saiddinner part 2
Grace is a hard concept to accept. We want to do something to deserve the grace that has been freely extended to us. But that’s just it–if we had to perfom to get it, then it wouldn’t be GRACE!
I am continually amazed at His tenderness given me in the journey. That is His mercy and grace. Blessings, Linda
Linda´s last [type] ..Privilege of Prayer
Thank you LORD because YOUR GRACE and MERCY are new every morning!
Vanessa´s last [type] ..MAKE YOUR HOME HEAVEN – WEEK 2
straw sip the ocean.
love .
deb @ talk at the table´s last [type] ..the old quarry
Beautiful post, Emily. It is so hard for me to let grace cover the every day and not try to add to what Christ did for me, as if wasn’t enough. Also? I wish we could have met then. I’ve been here since I was a freshman in college and I feel like we are close to the same age. I just KNOW that we have to have crossed paths at some time. Maybe? Either way I’m glad I glad for this space now.
ellen´s last [type] ..last week- battleship and a preview
Were you in Columbia? Did we talk about this already?
Yes! At least, I think so? I get confused easily. Probably should have mentioned that in my comment. Grew up in Greenville. Went to USC. Still live here! My husband works for Epworth Children’s Home. We’ve mostly hung around the downtown area, but I did have a few friends who went to CIU!
ellen´s last [type] ..last week- battleship and a preview
emily…its me libby from ciu…i love that i found you and your sisters blogs!!!(well, actually, you helped me find them thru fb). they are both so unique and so interesting. i could hear your sweet, gentle voice in my head as i read this. grace is still something im figuring out…but i love the way you make it so real and personal. im anxious to go check out the days that i’ve missed. thank you for sharing and encouraging me.
Libby!! I’m emailing you right. Now.
Having known you for 10 years… I can say that I’m so thankful you made that journey from SC and that you’ve spent the last years chasing the meaning of grace. You might not know it, but you’ve taught me a lot about grace, especially in the last few years. I’m so thankful that you and the Man are an active and vital part of our lives, and that you constantly remind us to keep looking for what is so amazing about grace. Truth is, we can look a life time and still find something new every day. Thanks Em for being you!
i lived by fear for many years and the church i was a part of promoted it. i am still trying to deprogram from the fear and understand how to live by the grace. thanks for writing this post. i absolutely can’t wait for your book to come out!
Kristi~The Slipcover Girl´s last [type] ..Purdy Paintbrush Giveaway
I am looking forward to your next post. I don’t think I have fully grasped the true meaning of God’s grace in my life. But I want to.
Thank you.
Traci´s last [type] ..Announcing the Winners!
My tale sounds similar to yours, and I think I’m still in the beginning stages of understanding grace and living grace and giving grace…..I look forward to hearing more of your tale.
I love this part Emily, “As it turns out, understanding grace doesn’t come from study. It comes from need, and I’m talking more than just a need to know.” I too am uncovering that grace is so infinite and more limitless than I realize. It is not a concept we can grasp in our heads, but only in our hearts! love this topic of grace you are doing!
Charissa Steyn´s last [type] ..A Thunder and Lightning Revelation
“As it turns out, understanding grace doesn’t come from study. It comes from need…” amen. it just can’t be said any better.
adornedlife´s last [type] ..candy store
This is AWESOME, Emily. I had such a similar experience. Except that I was raised Catholic, and then stepped away from religion and belief, and God really, for 15 years or so. And then, when I stepped back, I was introduced to grace. It was so new, a word I’d really only heard around Thanksgiving, when we “said grace” once a year. And I kept asking my husband, “What’s this grace? I don’t get it. I don’t understand.” And he kept trying to explain, “Grace means gift, Michelle. It means you don’t earn it. You don’t do anything for it. God just gives it to you. For free.” Man, it took me a long time to get my arms around that. Still getting my arms around that, to tell you the truth.
Michelle DeRusha @ Graceful´s last [type] ..Neighborhood Brunch