I had a few minutes before work one morning, so I brought a book with me to a small coffee shop near campus. I had graduated a few years before, but I hadn’t found a place I liked better yet. As it turned out, I didn’t read much of my book that morning as I lazy sipped my extra hot chai tea. A couple of students sat nearby, close enough for me to hear every word they spoke but not so close that they noticed my listening. They talked about this boring town and their big plans after graduation, their words dripping with a strange blend of passion and apathy unique to students with heads full of knowledge but not a lot of living to test it out on.
I smiled to myself as I considered how their conversation would have affected me in the past. There was a time when I would have arrogantly thought I knew exactly what they were looking for, back when I knew everything and had it all together. That was during my early days of college, my days of Christian-upity-ism and self-righteous rightness. I pretty much thought what everyone wanted was what I had, they just didn’t know it yet.
I think grace says something different, says I know you’re looking for something, but I don’t know what shape it will take for you. Do I believe God is the one who ultimately satisfies our needs for love, worth, acceptance, and security? Yes. Do I believe that looks the same for everyone? Absolutely not. Does that mean I think there are many ways to God? No, I think Jesus meant it when he said he was the way. But do I think Jesus shows himself to different people in different ways over and over again because he is a personal God and he knows what we need before we need it? Yes, I do believe that.
Not-grace is afraid of Jesus showing up uniquely for people, of Jesus showing up in ways that may not make sense to everyone. Not-grace shuts eyes tight to the differences, afraid that God isn’t big enough to handle the questioning. Grace allows for an unchangeable God do make change in people the way he does it, and not the way I think it ought to be done. Grace embraces the mystery of God, and accepts that I don’t know everything. And often times, he chooses to move and speak in ways that aren’t ‘Christian’ at all.
“I came to a peace with myself that working for God’s glory doesn’t necessarily mean singing worship songs. I think God puts things on your heart, and there’s times in your life – what you’re going through – and that’s what you sing about. Things that are worthy of praise. Things like love and such. I just wanna write some good music.”
- Jason Castro, Jesus believer and 3rd place finalist on American Idol Season 7, as quoted on I Am Second
I am such a practical girl – it is easy for me to overlook the mystery, even in my long journey as a follower of Christ. Thanks for the reminder, Emily.
Fondly,
Glenda
Glenda Childers´s last [type] ..NO SPACE LEFT IN MY BRAIN FOR BLOGGING
I have learned so much about His grace over the last month…I never knew His grace could be so real to me as it has been. And it wasn’t like I expected, either. : )
Heathahlee´s last [type] ..I Still Love Fall
It took me so long to come to the realization that Yahweh works differently in us all in His own time. He gently guides us in the way we should go. My life will not look the same as others yet we are on the same path. Thanks for the study in Grace.
Southern Gal´s last [type] ..Meet Taz and Sophie
Thank you for writing this series. I need it so much right now.
kendal´s last [type] ..not even going to try
Glenda – me too. It is good to be reminded of the mystery.
Heathalee – I am so, so very glad.
Southern Gal – It took me long to come to that realization as well. So individual, he is.
Kendal – You’re welcome…I need it too.
Wonderful post! Don’t miss Jason’s new CD , “Who I am”. He has a song , “You Are” that is his “love song to God”…cool! I needed to read your post today! Thanks!~Jennifer B.
Amen. Christian-upity-ism had a good long run in my life. Fear and self-righteousness took the form of arrogance. And then I was mid-20′s and surrounded by smart atheists; my system collapsed. God felt silent and non-existent. For a time, I abandoned belief altogether. And then He brought me back…questions, mess, and all. I used to think He wasn’t God enough to handle my doubt and unbelief. Now when all of that comes {and it still does}, I know that He is big enough to handle my skeptic self. We all have different stories and though He is unchangeable, I love that He writes Himself differently into each and every one.
Scooper´s last [type] ..Love Em For Who They Are
Oh! I am so glad I found you, what a nice spot to stop everyday!
Monica Lee´s last [type] ..Sew- Sew Cute
Loved this! The more I let go of fear and begin to trust Him, the more comfortable I become with the mystery of grace. There is great freedom in admitting I don’t know, I don’t know how to do it and to just trust Him to work grace into the fabric of my life. I’m learning that grace comes in when I least expect it.
Angela´s last [type] ..Wonder
amen. again, your words are so profoundly simple and perfectly “spot on” as the brits would say.
i, too, am a recovering pharisee. i heard grace for the first time in my grown-up-in-a-christian-home-ness/attended-a-christian-college-ness. i was 30, sitting in a presbyterian (pca) church only because these neighbors had invited us (i was so effected by their conversation around the dinner they made for us to welcome us to the neighborhood). i wasn’t presbyterian and i had a lot of questions at the time about some things that were different from my childhood, but i heard GRACE for the first time and after nine years, i feel my eyes have been opened! i am seeing Him and seeing how He sees me for the first time.
GRACE has been poured out on me. i will never be the same.
adornedlife´s last [type] ..candy store
Oh!….AMEN Sister!!! A big AMEN from me…and thank you…this was a good one!!!!
Mrs.B´s last [type] ..Busy!
I too struggle with these questions. What is a writer? Can I consider myself one? I mean I write, I put thoughts down sometimes in a jumbled mess, but I put them down. I dont hoard them or keep them bottled up I share them but does that make me a writer? I also struggle with defination & purpose. The questions of is this my hobby or is this to be my vocation always in some way fearful of the answer. To answer yes, can mean the potential financial insecurity of my family but then WHY am I so pulled to this?
I sought out answers recently in the dictionary of all places! Some noted were:
“a person who has written a particular text” ~ Yep I have done that
“a person who writes in a specific way” ~ yep I do that too
“a person who has a specific kind of handwriting” ~ yes I do that too!
I think that sometimes I get caught up with the idea that to be a writer you must be published; however nowhere in my research does it ever tie the two. Anyone who can weave thoughts and ideas into words is technically a writer. A writer writes because they have to, like an addict is drawn to their vice so too is a writer drawn to the word, the story.
Despite this newfound enlightenment, I still struggle with what I am to do with this newfound love of writing I have. This book would be wonderful.
Thank you for your writing I have enjoyed your posts!
Kelly´s last [type] ..Nature & the Gooltz Crew Collide
Awesome, awesome, awesome! I think too often we are “surprised” by God’s miracles instead of “expectant” for them. Love this post!!
Living A Bona Fide Life´s last [type] ..Frugal Fridays Week of 10-11 Shopping Trip
Amen…thank you for sharing from your heart and your journey. Even when I think I “know” about grace…the truth is…I know nothing…because what resides in my head, I rarely let travel to my heart and take up proper residence. I’m just beginning to grasp (after following Christ for a bazillion years) that “knowing” only happens by experiencing in the depths of my being…my inner most parts (Psalm 139).
I heart you. You make me have a much more open mind.
June Gardens´s last [type] ..I went to the store
i’m loving reading all your posts about grace. this post is amazing and beautiful and so full of truth. thank you.
Tara´s last [type] ..Fruit-Bearers
I remember this song from your wedding! My husband said, “She looks so happy.” And you really did. Lovely post.
G