One thing I have learned for sure when it comes to parenting: there is a lot I don’t know. Seven years isn’t a very long time. In so many ways, we are just beginning. But there is this other way, this clock-eating way, where it seems we have so little time left.
Just this morning, I felt the tears well up as I sat in the quiet hours before anyone else got up. I believe every word I’ve written here, every truth that Jesus speaks, every thought on grace I’ve shared. Even so, I can get caught up in the living of it. Writing on grace for so many days in a row is un-doing me in good ways. But there is a nagging voice of shame that still speaks, haunting me with fear, especially as I prepared to write about grace in parenting: you aren’t doing enough.
And it made me think about how that is the sentence I nearly always hear when I turn my thoughts toward mothering. There is a competing voice of truth to counteract that shame one, but it is harder to hear sometimes.
And so I have to find words that reinforce the truth voice, weapons to battle the discouragement, the shame, the worry that I’m messing up my kids. I don’t think I’m alone in that. And so, for this 22nd day of thinking on grace, I simply want to extend grace to you – not a list of ways to be a better parent, not an arsenal of great ideas on how to be a more fun mom (although I’d love to read a post about that!). Instead, I want to offer you (and me) some truth voices to take the place of the nagging voice of shame.
If you are a parent who feels overwhelmed with decisions that need to be made — breast or bottle, send or wait, private or public, soccer or violin, work or stay home, medicate or second opinion, group dates or not at all, curfew or no curfew — let these words first wash over you today.
The Lord your God is in your midst, a victorious warrior. He will exult over you with joy, He will be quiet in His love, He will rejoice over you with shouts of joy.
Zephaniah 3:17
Everything begins and ends with this — that the Lord is living among us, a victorious warrior. Strong. Ready. Prepared. Able. And somehow still, in the midst of all that strength, he sings. It is a beautiful, perfect picture of tenderness, both strong and soft, like a man and a woman, like a father and a mother all at once. He parents me in the way parenting was meant to be. But he isn’t simply the best example to follow, as if he were far away and we are to try to somehow imitate him. The goal is not to parent like God, the goal is to let God parent through us.
“The first step is learning the simple difference between God’s job and ours. God’s job is to fix and to change. Our job is to depend, serve, and equip. This is the work of grace. And it is more restful than you can imagine.”
Jeff VanVonderen, Families Where Grace is in Place
If we could believe that this work of grace is restful, if we would dare to parent from a place of love rather than a place of fear, we would see that he is able. Not just to do the parts that I’m not good at, not just to pick me up when I begin to feel weak, but that the God of the Universe takes up residence inside me, and he will parent — with me, in me, as me — as I trust him. Dare to believe he is who he says he is. That is grace in parenting.
I will be sharing a list of resources near the end of this series for any of you who might like to study further on grace. Don’t forget to visit the other lovely blogs hosting 31 Days Series, my girls at Nesting Place, Balancing Beauty and Bedlam, My First Kitchen, Life With My 3 Boybarians, Reluctant Entertainer, The Inspired Room, and Remodeling This Life.
Here I am again, I am just so taking in what you’re saying about grace, ‘cos it seems it has been the theme of my life this year. I lived for many years as a Christian under condemnation, from myself, living under legalistic thinking instead of enjoying the peace and joy of the covenant of grace. Nobody is a perfect parent, refuse to feel a failure, do what you can in a day, give grace to yourself and your children and trust God, just as you say, to finish that good work that He has begun in you and your family. Thank you for listening, I am reminding myself how to live as I type!
Naturally Carol´s last [type] ..Berrylicious Apron
how this was needed today…thanks
allison morrison´s last [type] ..Between a Rock and a Hard Place -Journey to Our Son-Part II
I know you’re not doing Tuesdays Unwrapped this month but every day of this series is like a gift for me to unwrap. I love it. Your posts have spoken truth in just the ways I’ve needed it.
And this post? Thank you for not writing a list. I am one of those plagued by the choices, still striving to get it “right.” It is not a place of rest. I am learning but it is slow.
I love that you quote the verse from Zephaniah. I used to sing that verse to my kids at bedtime and then for some reason I simply fell out of the habit. Just this week I started singing it to them again. My 6-year-old boy squeezed my hand and said, “Oh Mommy, that song just makes me want to cry with happiness.” He said it perfectly. I think he “gets it” better than I do.
Scooper´s last [type] ..Love Em For Who They Are
I think they do get it better so much of the time. I love that…
emily freeman´s last [type] ..31 Days of Grace – day 22 in parenting
((sigh)) Beautiful grace-filled thoughts today…
I’m so glad I found your blog (only recently), Emily. God is really using you to minister to me this month… these 31 days.
Thank you for being faithful.
This was such a beautiful post. I really needed to hear these words today, they were soothing to my soul. Parenting five kids between the ages of 3 and 15, I often feel like I’m doing something wrong, messing them up, not doing enough. Thank you for reminding me that it’s not about me or what I can or can’t do, it’s about what God will do through my husband and me as we parent these beautiful children of ours.
Your blog is a gift, I appreciate your transparency and willingness to be used by Him. Thank you!
Bevy and Emilee – Thank you for your encouraging words this morning. I’m enjoying writing this series, but I’m also sometimes worried that it’s too deep, too serious, too much. Your words are right on time.
emily freeman´s last [type] ..31 Days of Grace – day 22 in parenting
Oh how I needed that today! Thank you, Emily.
rhonda´s last [type] ..Hayrides- Pumpkins and Home
He is using you to minister to so many…I am loving this series. I have come a long way in understanding grace, especially His. But I am still really bad at receiving it and living in it.
Love your writing, so real, from the heart,from Him!
Jen
Jen Martinson´s last [type] ..Where I belong
Oh whoa!! Wow, I almost cried when I read that verse. I needed this today so very badly. This series on grace is beautiful and has touched me so much, so many of them in so many ways. This post is so beautiful Emily. I can’t wait to read the rest of what you have to share. Thank you for sharing what God puts on your heart to encourage the rest of us.
“Not just to do the parts that I’m not good at, not just to pick me up when I begin to feel weak, but that the God of the Universe takes up residence inside me, and he will parent — with me, in me, as me — as I trust him.”
Emily, you know what I think about your writing. But, honestly, even among your wonderful, beautiful words, that sentence stands out. “With me, in me, as me”–I think I’ve found a new breath prayer.
I’m stunned–but I’m not surprised. You’ve always promised that Chatting at the Sky is a place for my soul to breathe.
Thank you.
This is such a universal struggle. We all so badly want to get this one ‘right’. Thank you for another beautiful post.
Eyvonne´s last [type] ..Has truth ever made you weep
Wow! Thank you so much for such a fantastic (and anointed) post! I am going to email all my ‘mommy friends’ and suggest they read it……..and I have already received the teaching for myself.
You have a great blog. Nice to meet you.
One of my favorites of yours ever. [Heart.]
Kendra @ My First Kitchen´s last [type] ..31 Days to an Inspired Table Day 22- Love
What beautiful words God gave you today to share with us. It sounds like we struggle with some of the same things (or perhaps all women do), feeling like we’re too much and yet not enough at the same time. The book Grace Based Parenting by Kimmel changed my perspective so much. Your words are along the lines of his exhortations. particularly resisting the temptation to parent out of fear. It is so hard, huh? I hope today you are experiencing grace for yourself, pulling down all those naughty thoughts trying to raise themselves up against the truth about who you are. And don’t forget that if you were a perfect mom, your kids would never feel the need for a perfect God. I pray that my failures as a parent just drive my children to the Lord over time. That helps me accept my faults more too.
Leslie@top of the page´s last [type] ..The art of lifting
OH, I needed this so much today. The tooth fairy failed to show up last night. it was a dress down day today but it wasn’t on my calendar…I feel like i’ve done nothing but FAIL my kids these last two weeks while I’ve been recovering from hip surgery (I know, I know – I had surgery! I STILL feel guilty!)
Thank you for sharing His Grace – these were just the right words to get me through today.
What a beautifully written post – this series has been such a blessing!
“The goal is not to parent like God. The goal is to let God parent through us.” – reminds me of what I’ve heard about marriage and how the relationship between Christ and the Church isn’t the example for us to follow, but that WE, in our marriages, are the example to world of His love for His own. When we move out of the way and let God move through us, He is revealed everywhere!
I really love that quote… and the whole post ties in so beautifully with what God is teaching me about RIGHT NOW. Thank you for being another voice for Him to speak through. I’m so thankful that He parents me that way…
Melissa May´s last [type] ..Cave Dwellers
One more thing… I also love how that quote applies to EVERYONE we want to help – in churches, ministries, anywhere. God’s job is to do the changing. The responsibility isn’t mine! My job is to trust Him follow His lead as He loves people. Much more restful indeed… : )
Melissa May´s last [type] ..Cave Dwellers
“The first step is learning the simple difference between God’s job and ours. God’s job is to fix and to change. Our job is to depend, serve, and equip. This is the work of grace. And it is more restful than you can imagine.”
I’m not a parent yet, but that quote really hit home. Your words so beautifully illustrate that being a grace-filled people isn’t just about bestowing grace on others; it’s also about opening our arms wide and receiving it for ourselves. Beautiful post; I’ve truly loved every post in this series. So inspiring.
Annie´s last [type] ..for the girls
Do you recommend that book: Families Where Grace is in Place?
I’ve been a mother for exactly five years yesterday. The thing I was most unprepared for is the guilt I pour upon myself. Grace in parenting feels right to me. But I constantly feel plagued by doubt. Can there be too much grace in parenting??? I’d love to read a book about grace in parenting…to feel affirmed, or redirected or clarified… So much out there on parenting focuses elsewhere…
shelley.´s last [type] ..rediscovering the joy of good-enough
maybe my favorite yet…
Amy´s last [type] ..Oh how He loves you
These souls that God entrusts to us for a time are so precious to us, and all the more to Him. It can be a heady responsibility. How wonderful that we can ask Him for help, for truth, for grace to cover our human-ness. I cannot tell you how many time I have, and still do, ask for courage and direction in parenting. Thank you for the encouraging words, pointing us to our Father.
Holly´s last [type] ..The Long Road
Well said and much needed! Having just given birth 7 weeks ago to my fifth child, I’m struggling with this parenting thing and the feelings of not being enough for everyone. I need His grace every day.
Kristin´s last [type] ..They Know
“I simply want to extend grace to you.” What a lovely concept. Sometimes there are too many: “be a better” parent or person talks and not enough simple encouragement.
Gennaro´s last [type] ..San Gennaro Festival
he sings over me! Oh that makes me happy!
Love the quote from Jeff’s book- i have it, but haven’t read it yet. I’m adding it to the pile on my nightstand!
Thanks for this month on Grace!
A beautiful post. I appreciate your honesty and have shared so many of your feelings on this topic. Thank you for your words today.
Stephani´s last [type] ..Club Membership Dues
Exhale. Thank you for that today. Seriously.
imoomie´s last [type] ..I’m Back…
A delight to ‘meet’ you Emily, all the way from Australia!
Thank you, thank you, thank you for your wise and perceptive words.
I am having my time with God this morning before the children (all six of them!) wake up, and your latest post is a confirmation to me of a conversation I had yesterday with a friend re grace and our inner voice and expectations as mums. I literally stumbled upon your blog and thank the Lord for his words straight into my heart.
You write beautifully and I am blessed to have found your precious blog.
Blessings. Catherine
What a gift of a post. The insight on our Warrior-God who still sings and the grace quote from Grace is in Place. Loved it all. Loved the reminder that God shoulders the weight of our kids hearts and choices, that we shoulder only the weight to give the weight to Him.
Thanks for this today.
Laura@Life Overseas´s last [type] ..Doofus at the Gas Pump A Link-Up
Beautifully said. Thank you.
I read this from a different place Emily. Our nest is empty and I often need that grace to keep me from looking back with regret and guilt. In this current season, my husband and I are struggling to help my aging, ailing parents. We struggle with all those same feelings – are we doing enough, are we making the right decisions, are we being selfish where we should be more caring? We need grace for every season of our lives and your posts have been so encouraging.
Linda´s last [type] ..Hope
*Love* this! Thank you for the encouragement and reminder of our mighty, loving Lord!
I am enough when I invite Him into my everyday, everyone, and everything! That’s what I got out of reading this. We’re in this together. I have permission to depend on Him. Yes! Now, I can serve Him.
Emily – thank you. This is a strong and lovely reminder of grace. I pray the Lord continues to undo you and draw you closer.
emily, this is so good and true. i love that zephaniah scripture and your likening it to motherly and fatherly parenting. (we sing it to our babes, too.)
less of me, more of Him. thanks for this.
suzannah {so much shouting, so much laughter}´s last [type] ..on books and boa constrictors