You know that light at the end of the tunnel people talk about? I’m starting to get suspicious. You know how it goes. It’s like how students who have been students for sort of ever look to graduation as the light at the end of the tunnel. But then, they have to get a job. Another tunnel.
That’s what happens, I’m discovering, when you have deadlines for things. For me, right now, they are deadlines for my writing. I have a leader’s guide that is due on Monday, and you’d better believe that Tuesday is shiny and bright and open in my mind. But life goes the same way. If I don’t have work-ish deadlines, then I make up other types of deadlines in my head, though I won’t really call them that–goals for cleaning or kid stuff or other projects. When I get close to meeting those goals, I say I can see the light. But can we really see the light? Because in my experience, the end of the tunnel only leads to more tunnel.
I’ve been living for the light at the end, and I have to stop. I’m not saying it’s bad to finish projects or to look forward to things to come. I am saying when I put my face to the ground and barrel through just to get there, I come undone in a bad way. When I pick up that leader’s guide to work on in the early morning and in the lunch time hours and then late at night, again, I’m working hard in the dark because I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. But there really is no end, you see. And life is a lot about finding the light in the now.
Because what can happen in the tunnel is the thrill of hold your breath, honk your horn, and turn on the headlights til the end! I don’t want my deadlines or my goals for next week to keep me from the now. What about you? Is there a light you’re working towards?
For me, the light at the end of the tunnel has been getting married. God has been kindly holding that one back from me for a long time – I turn 30 next month! But, it has shown me that there is light NOW, that there is life NOW, and that I don’t have to believe that marriage is my completion. I’ve learned to enjoy living, rather than always being desparate to get to the next stage.
Next Tuesday we’re driving out to the middle of Nebraska, out of range of cell phones and internets and television, for nearly a week of uninterrupted family time. I have so much work to do between now and then, but there is definitely a light at the end of this tunnel, and I think I may actually get to enjoy it for a few days this time.
You’re right though. There is light in the tunnel as well.
Erin´s last [type] ..The Uniforms
“I am saying when I put my face to the ground and barrel through just to get there, I come undone in a bad way.”
Yes. That. Thank you for saying that for me. Sometimes, seeing it stark is what I need. There is something to be said for living in the moment.
Kelly Sauer´s last [type] ..stretched- spread- scattered – a little real
Emily,
This is so true, and I discovered it awhile ago. I suppose a form of this idea is also its always greener…. We think if we change things, buy things, accomplish things then, and only then will we be happy. I’m trying very hard to live in the moment. I believe its called wisdom.
Dana
I’m learning this same lesson, Emily. I’m such a “mark it off the list and move on to the next thing” type of girl. Sometimes I forget that living happens in there somewhere. The Lord has really dealt with me lately about my habit of putting the good stuff, the life stuff, off until I meet this or that deadline. I honestly think that is why life has been so hectic for the last few years, because He’s trying to teach me to live by the moment, not by the deadline. My tunnels sort of meshed into one long, never ending one.
Those images you created with photos and with words are so true. When I was a kid I loved the tunnels in the mountains. They were dark and strange and mysterious. I almost didn’t want them to end. Back then they were fun. I don’t know where things changed to, “When am I ever going to get through this tunnel and out into the free, open air?”
Love the analogy!
Bonita´s last [type] ..The Vital Union
Moving day! That’s the light at the end of my tunnel. We hunted for our house for a long time, and now it feels like getting it ready for move-in is taking forever. We are exhausted! But you are right, we can miss a unique thrill if we’re always trying to get to the end. And making this house our home has been quite an experience.
Impefect´s last [type] ..Grace- Love and Wallpaper
Oh my. Our LIFE currently seems a steady journey towards a purpetual light at the end of the tunnel. The previous 5 years of our life was the pursuit of my husband completing his PhD.
When he finally completed that last year, the next ‘light’ was that of employment.
He’s now working as a professor (for which we are very thankful) but it’s temporary and the next ‘light’ is full time employment….
it’s never-ending it seems – so ready to feel steady –
I so get where you’re coming from. I’ve been learning to take what I can from the journey and not worry as much about arriving at the destination.
heidi @ wonder woman wannabe´s last [type] ..Little Secrets to Loving Your Life – Discover & Embrace Your SUPER POWERS!!
For me the last tunnel light is the day before i get married bcoz i am enjoying these day so much that i dono whether i will have the same fun with my after married life….Have to wait and see….
James
James Fulton´s last [type] ..Rimadyl For Dogs Review
Yes, one tunnel ends and another comes up on the horizon. This happens everyday and I look at it as a new life experience or challenge.
)
Kim´s last [type] ..Answering Questions from Monday Blog Hop
WoW!! Just what I am wrestling with at this very moment!! I have too many lights to count and I feel lost in the tunnel. I can’t even tell you which tunnel I am in right now!! Expectations are Waaaaaaaayyyyyyy more than I feel I can meet right now, but I just cannot figure out what to say “no” to. Shamefully, the Lord seems to on hold till I get out the latest tunnel at times too. How did I get myself in this place? Thanks for your insightful words, I always am blessed by them. Hope you make it to the LIGHT!! Blessings, Linda
Something I do, that I try not to, is think about when things will be over. A show, a movie, church, day, week….you name it, I am usually thinking about its end. Thanks for the reminder that we live in the present. For His glory.
kendal´s last [type] ..and yet
I cannot tell you how many times I say everyday, “if I can just get through this week, next week will be “better’ “. When will I learn that next week will be just as wild as the last?
Amy´s last [type] ..Some days
so true. “life is a lot about finding the light in the now.” I need to remember that. I had a friend going through a very difficult marriage who said once every time she thinks she sees the light at the end of the tunnel, she loses it and never gets there. keep getting beaten down with life’s circumstances. a very discouraging time for her. She found more peace by taking one step at a time and tackling one day. Very similar to your statement and I think a much better way to live. Thanks for the insight.
Going through more tunnels means arriving at more light! A surprise waiting at the end of each one. Thank you for your beautiful thoughts today.
Jimi Ann @ Path of Life´s last [type] ..Comfy Robes and Cinnamon Rolls
Now that?s sulbte! Great to hear from you.
I think that we have to learn to appreciate the here and now. That is our gift from God. He gave us this day and it is up to us how we choose to live it. I think that if we always live in the past or the future, we fail to appreciate the gift that we have in today. I think we all focus on the light at the end of the tunnel, but having raised 8 of my 11 kids, I have learned that I miss a lot of laughter if I am always waiting for the next, possibly better, thing. Love this post today. It was perfect.
pattyann´s last [type] ..Scars in the Soul
Maybe we are all suffering from information overload! Too much of everything, therefore we try to keep looking ahead….searching…..searching…..
Perhaps, we should approach the tunnels with flashlights in hand. LOL
Great post!
Oh beautiful shot!!!!!
Sheri´s last [type] ..Thursday Ten- Ten people who make you feel good about yourself
you’ve got it right. i completely agree. i’ve been living in a holding pattern for awhile now, and i’m realizing that i need to stop thinking “when we get past this, and i ….” because the “this” is something that often stretches longer than i think it will, or (as you say) is quickly replaced with another “that”… it’s hard, though, when the light is something you’re looking forward to, and the tunnel seems to get longer and longer.
ann´s last [type] ..ode to getting it done
You have no idea how much I needed to read this today. I just recently wrote a post about waiting for that light at the end of the tunnel and your post made see the bigger picture and gave me a different perspective.
I really need to drill it in my hand to enjoy where I am at no matter how tough it may be and look for the positives because frankly there are many if just force our eyes away from the negatives.
Emily,
At the beginning of this typically awesome post I was reminded of Wile E. Coyote (poor guy) and the thing about lights at the end of the tunnel is that sometimes – they’re oncoming trains. I’ve followed that light once or twice (or every darned time).
But your words softly revealed something different – and better – and I needed to hear it.
Tunnel to tunnel and finding light in each one – and staying there a little – and breathing it in – and being present while driving toward the future – which will then be the new present.
You remind me that that just because something is cliché doesn’t mean it’s not true – the journey really is the destination. I will be more present today – on purpose – as I am heading through my tunnel. Which (now you’re making me open up – not fair) – which for the first time in a long time, is lit really well and has no train tracks. I’m feeling a little less Wile E. Coyoty-ish every day. And your words helped a lot this day.
How did you do that?
I always heart your words Emily.
Thank you.
Craig´s last [type] ..Love keeps a controlled alertness amid turmoil…
I have been dealing with the loss of a loved one and the pain is so real and I’m forcing myself to move past the grief. I need to live in the here and now and stop looking to the day when I can breathe again. It’s not about the destination but the steps it took to get there.
I can be driven by that as well…guess I’m in good company huh?:)
Recently – I am being intentional about just being in the minutes and hours
of each day. Our world just goes around so fast..I want to scream…” can I
please get off?”
Life is moving so fast these last 40 years…if today was my last day I’m thinking
” would I be doing THIS?”
Thanks Emily:)
Tiffini´s last [type] ..Bacon and Burlap
I was just lamenting about this exact mentality a few days ago. It’s so hard to escape it. I’m a work-from-home children’s book illustrator. I love what I do, but it’s so hard to squeeze enough time each day. I live from book deadline to little personal deadlines (like planning my son’s preschool harvest party) and back to work deadlines. And {poof} another year has passed. Though I attempt to be in the moment, it’s so much easier to get caught waiting for the light at the end. Today, though…today was a victory. We went to the library, read Jumanji, made our own board game, played the game and put on a puppet show. So much more fun! How to stay there though, and meet the deadlines???
My old theory used to work really well for me. When I only had one child who still took long naps and went to bed early, we went somewhere fun almost every morning. The zoo. Children’s museums. Parks. Target =) The library. By being out of the house I avoided the temptation to sneak in some time on the work that was hanging over me. Pre-afternoon nap time was our special, wonderful time together. As soon as naptime or bedtime hit, I flipped the switch and went into productive work mode. Life was fabulous. Since I had my second and life grew more hectic and less predictable, I haven’t found a successful system. Love to hear suggestions…
shelley.´s last [type] ..in my eyes
that looks like the fayetteville tunnel.
melissa~afamiliarpath´s last [type] ..Here and there
I’ve learned this life lesson the hard way- walking through childhood cancer with my daughter.
Sometimes life is tunnels and we’re not promised the next thing at the end. TODAY is the gift we are given and asked to live, nothing more. God faithfully started working on my heart before her diagnosis and I was learning (finally) to abide. God asks that we walk with Him through each day with our focus on His face, and our steps following His. In every decision and every choice we need to be leaning heavily on Him. In that and that alone we will find the blessing and the work He has for us to accomplish each day- one day at a time.
Even though we are not promised the end of the tunnel, we ARE promised He will be with us in every moment. And when we take the time to look around, we will see the blessings in the seeming darkness. We will find our fellow travelers in the dark. We will see the surprises He has hidden. We will appreciate the Divine construction of our surroundings. We will find the simple joy and blessings. And we will enjoy the journey He has planned.
In the beginning it will feel scary and the world will tell you you don’t measure up, but we have to believe the One who created and sustains us. When you become too busy to stop everything and reach out to someone, to stop everything and love/comfort/minister to those around you- friend/family/strangers, to hear God’s voice in all you do, to appreciate the blessings no matter your circumstances, to live with an attitude of gratitude- you are bowing down to the wrong god. The world’s idols will continue to reward those that follow them and buy into the rat race, but God has infinitely more to offer those who seek Him.
Or you may reach the light at the end of the tunnel and find you missed out on your life that happened inside.
Amber´s last [type] ..Lily Update
great thoughts, very timely for me. I love your blog, its beautiful!
Amber said “Or you may reach the light at the end of the tunnel and find you missed out on your life that happened inside.” Oh that is SO true! We, especially those driven women here (I am waving my hand!) are alwasy ready to move on to the next thing. We must stop and enjoy what is right now, as you don’t know if you will have a tomorrow…
On a lighter note, I had to laugh Emily, as we always held our breath in tunnels too when our kids were growing up! Then we went to the Chesapeak Bay Bridge Tunnel! Not possible there!
And I love the pic!
Bernice
Living the Balanced Life´s last [type] ..Think of someone other than yourself
Wow. This is a bold brew, Emily. I’m gonna have to sip on this one. I know the answer in my head, but I’m walking through the tunnel on this one! (sorry, couldn’t resist.. LOL.)
Maybe knowing the tunnel is really where we spend most of our time — that God is there with us, along with other kindred spirits like Emily — will somehow loosen our hearts to breathe, smile at the other person in the dark… and giggle a bit to hear our echos… even if they’re of agony, trying to get the words out…
Hugs…
Great comment!!!
Mrs.B´s last [type] ..Harvest Season
Oh YES!!!…always…..
Mrs.B´s last [type] ..Harvest Season
My mom was the most positive person I’ve ever known. She never waited for the light at the end of the tunnel… she always found something in the tunnel to appreciate. Even during cancer treatments. Even right before her death. She has passed a valuable legacy to her children. Even tunnels can be fun.
And, yes, we hold our breath in tunnels, too. I used to think my dad had the most amazing lung power until I realized he was breathing through is nose.
I think you hit on this just right. Don’t do for the end goal…do for the doing. Be there and live it and enjoy the process. I see this happen a lot with friends or their husbands about kids…counting down the days until they’re through babyhood or toddler hood when things will get ‘easy’.
You ask what we’re working toward ourselves…oh, so much. Too much at once. So this is a good reminder to grope around in the dark and get moving on the first thing in front of me. (and to enjoy doing it, too!)
Elizabeth @claritychaos´s last [type] ..exposure
“Finding the light in the now” rather than “barreling through”. I needed that
Um, yes. Seeing the light of rest that I hope will come during the holidays but knowing deep down that it’s really the everyday moments, stacked up bit by bit, moment by moment…and that’s the stuff life is made of. (And laughing at myself because holidays are wonderful but often not so restful.) I hope that you are able to find rest and joy amid the crazy and the deadlines. Love your tunnel pics.
Scooper´s last [type] ..Practicing Rest
What a wonderful blog and an absolutely wonderful post!
Yes…I so agree with you- there is never any end to the tunnel..and if there is- there for sure is one around the corner. Guess we have to enjoy the tunnel as we pass through and hope for a bit of nice scenery:))
Love it! Thanks for sharing…..
now I need to go finish cleaning my house. I am starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel;0)
dawn
Dawn´s last [type] ..This and That
You are exactly right, Emily. This is a lesson I have been applying to my life and it is very rewarding. Thank you for such a great post. You are a very talented writer! Good luck with the new book.
Oh girl, it’s almost Tuesday! Can you see it??
Also, your first photo is unspeakably gorgeous.
Flower Patch Farmgirl´s last [type] ..Six On Sunday – Kitchen Staples
This post really spoke to me. I often say that I feel I am continually chasing a mirage that keeps moving out away from me. I have to remind myself over and over to live in the moment, and not let that time slip by. I think the very tunnel I try to get out of is where Jesus is waiting to meet me. My motto from this is ‘Look for the light IN the tunnel.” Thank you, Emily.
Lallee´s last [type] ..Happy Thanksgiving with Lots of Stuffing
Emily,there are days I feel you’ve looked into my head and written a post for the mess in there. My head,that is.
I have too many responsibilities, too many DD’s to fight (DarnDiseases), too many fights I didn’t pick, too many tunnels and not an intersection in sight. They all seem to run parallel, and there’s no way to multi-task them. Most of the responsibilities relate to my folks,and I will surely drop dead trying to do it all,because it comes from a place of deep love and honoring them,no regrets ever. The fights that seem to follow with some family makes me so grateful for the others, and the dear friends that are kinder&more understanding&loving than the nasty “when do I get my $$” family members. As I pray constantly (and usually out loud) for guidance&help in my “irreverent” stream-of-consciousness way, I honestly either forget to breathe or have a panic attack. (These are new¬ fun.). So I needed you today,dear Emily, like the “life-saving breath” my instructor called it in my first CPR class. Thank you for peeking in what’s left of my brain&telling me yet again what I needed so desperately to hear. Thanks to all for your comments&letting me know i really am far frm being alone in this sea of parallel tunnels. Thank the Lord for kind people & MagLites. Wishing u all the blessings i’ve found here. -s-
Susan – There are so many who can relate to you, though we may not all admit it. Here’s to finding light in the tunnel.
emily freeman´s last [type] ..a place to be
After I sobbed for a solid 5min (apparently something I needed to do)
I realized that the lies that are being told & the invalid assumptions&presumptions are known as such by the One that matters. I can only pray they don’t make their way to my parents’ ears to hurt them. My eldest nephew was *there* for some siuations, knows the truth & will stand for me if needed, as will friends included in other falsehoods. But the light I am working toward is to honor Mom&Dad’s wishes,as I have since their health started to fail,no matter how mine failed along with them, as long as I have them & after they’ve gone Home. That is the Light that will lead me. The hard part is the lumps,bumps&wounds along the way. Thank you for nudging me to remember the Light, not the “tons of tunnels”. It’s the why that matters. Hope you’re having a joyous weekend. 
-s-
I have stumbled across this story and am compelled somehow to wright.
I agree Emily and have missed out on enjoying many many treasured moments, often sacrificing time with my children in my pursuit of getting through one tunnel after the next.
Nowadays I continue through each tunnel keeping my eyes on the Light. I keep moving forward one footstep at a time. In faith I press on that along my journey towards that light. I’ve realized that God gets to narrate some of our story that we have written, and change it into “beauty”. You see, we boldly write out how are story will be without consulting the One who holds our lives in the palm of His hand. In our desperate attempt to fulfill our own story, we have put ourselves in that tunnel. Oh how blessed I am to have given to God my pen so that He can erase those mistakes and fill in some of the blanks so that we can glance back over our shoulders and say WOW, look how far I’ve come.
Have a splendid day!!
Rochelle