Yesterday afternoon, my living room was filled with lights and a camera and a little bit of action. We had to do a taping for a little promo video for Grace for the Good Girl. Authors do this kind of thing all the time, I guess – sit in front of cameras and talk about their books. Even though I’ve written a book, I don’t really feel like an author. I’m in that crazy in-between gestation period, like when I knew I was pregnant but no one had met the baby yet. Including me.
Because even though I know what I’ve written – the manuscript has been done since July – I won’t really know what I’ve said until September when the book comes out. Because with a book that people are going to read, it isn’t just about what you write, it’s about what they hear.
And so yesterday, I heard myself talk in front of a camera about what I’ve written and who I’ve written it for. I’ve spent lots of time praying over and thinking about what I wanted to say, and then I said it, for the most part. And I felt good about it when it was over, mainly because it was over. But then? This morning? Panic. Worry. Fear that I wrecked it all up and it’s too late now.
In those panic moments, all memory of the prayerful preparation disappears, and I’m left thinking only of the outcome. Where is the art in this?! I really said that to myself as I made my coffee. Because I tend to allow creativity and imagination at the beginning, I dare to trust the process and hold it with an open hand. But too often, I don’t know how to do that at the end. When it’s over, I worry and panic and try to hold on tight again.
As I poured the water into the coffee pot, I sensed a Voice saying to me, Sometimes the art is found in the bravery it takes to begin, and other times the art is about knowing when you’re finished. There is a false sense of comfort that can settle in when we never allow ourselves to finish what we’ve started. When we are working on a project that is in process, it feels good to be doing something, to be actively creative. But there is fear in the finishing. Because what if it isn’t good/right/loved/beautiful? What if I’m not good/right/loved/beautiful?
I think of God standing in the middle of all he created, and then stopping on the seventh day to take a rest. Certainly there was more he could have thought of. Surely this water, land and sky earth didn’t drain him of all his ideas. Still, he worked. And then, he rested.
Is it difficult for you to let the thing be done already? I’d love to hear.
Oh Emily, this is classic me. In my defense though, I’m trying to change that (I followed through with Blissdom) and have actually ran some races (rather than just signing up for them) for example. It’s like if we say at the end “we don’t care” or give some kind of excuse why it doesn’t matter, then we won’t feel defeated or like quitters. Kind of like the old “I’ll hurt them before they hurt me” mentality (if that makes any sense)?
Check out my latest post where I posted some pics of you and thanks again for exceeding my expectations. You were a joy to meet.
-Jessica
Jessica @ These Are The Days´s last [type] ..Blissdom Remembered Wrap-Up
I definitely agree. It’s so hard to commit to being done and just enjoying “it”…whatever “it” may be. Sometimes it is an actual project, and sometimes it is choosing not to obsess over a behavior, attitude etc. That’s especially hard with my kiddos…letting them finish themselves in stead of me finishing for them (if it’s good, of course!).
I sometimes believe I’m the queen of panic moments. Those that wake you out of a sound sleep and keep you awake for fear of not doing something right, enough, etc. I should lay it before my Father, release it to Him. Why do I always try to do it myself? I can’t wait to read your book. You are such an inspiration in your writing here.
Southern Gal´s last [type] ..P52 and other things
uh oh. I think you just talked me out of writing a book. seeing that camera and you talking about being in front of it gave me a panic attack. BUT it made me so happy for you that this is all happening and that you’ve found comfort in being finished. I cannot wait to read it!!
Can I relate? In a quick response, YES. I have been working on several writing projets for years. I enjoy the creative process so much, I feel excited to get up in the morning and write more, think more, change more, improve my writing projects more. I love that I am never bored, because any extra time (which isn’t much with three giggly , girl blessings) is used to think of my writings. And since most of my writing are about God, I find myself delighting in God all day long. I love the creative process and thought to begin, BUT am scared to be done. Never really thought about that until this moment.
I love your writings and ponderings, and congratulations on the completion of your art
shannon´s last [type] ..I am learning to submit
but you’re not really done with it if it’s not out yet. You still need to enjoy the success of your work, then maybe you will feel “done”.
Sandy´s last [type] ..its Demo Day!
It’s funny…in this post, I was actually talking about being finished with the video! – but it applies to the book too.
Emily´s last [type] ..the art of finishing
Yes. It is extremely difficult. The thing that keeps me from starting art is the same thing that keeps me from finishing…fear. It’s horrible. And then I am left with a much worse feeling…regret. So I am deciding here recently that I would rather go with fear. Both are uncomfortable, but one you will get over….and it will more than likely turn into something beautiful…like tangible faith, and joy. Thank you for sharing!
I don’t know how you hit the nail on the head every single day. The finishing is always the worst part. Beginnings are my favorite, so perfect and full of endless promise. Then I enter the phase where I realize that the finished something will never live up to my imagined something. And it keeps me from really creating a finished anything. I freeze up.
shelley.´s last [type] ..a story of faithfulness- for my grandpa
Exceedingly abundantly above all we could ask or imagine… I never, NEVER thought that He could have done more when He created the world. Incredible, beautiful, wonderful, mind-blowing thought.
And that finishing thing? I do it ALL. THE. TIME. It’s why I overwrite. Because I always have to explain a little bit more, justify a little bit more. It’s like I feel the need to apologize for being who I am. I’m quitting that this year. Seriously.
Kelly Sauer´s last [type] ..Photography Making Brands Happen – I Won!
To answer your question, sometimes yes and sometimes no. When it comes to any form of speaking whether on camera or in front of a live audience I made a pact with myself that when I’m done, I’m done. I walk away from it and do my very best to put it behind me. Any form of speaking takes so much out of me, drains me completely in the lead up to it and the actual doing of it, that I figure I have no strength left to tackle flashbacks or anxiety over it once it’s done. It’s one of the ways I get through it to begin with. I tell myself that once it’s over, whether it was a high or a very low low, I get to walk away and leave it there. It’s my treat to myself.
I wish I could say the same about other areas of life, but it’s still a sometimes yes and sometimes no affair.
Bonita´s last [type] ..Clarification
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
-Paul Valery
French critic & poet (1871 – 1945)
kendal´s last [type] ..49-59
Emily, I think your words in this post have really captured what I experience with almost every piece of art I create. When I’m drawing, and the work is in progress, the potential of it is reassuring. When things are in process, they can still be tweaked, fixed, adjusted, re-worked, and there is so much comfort in that. Finishing requires letting go of that comfort, and putting it out for people to see, out where it can no longer be tweaked, fixed, adjusted, or re-worked. There is definitely art in finishing. Unfinished art is art for the artist, and while the process is beneficial for the artist, it is only by finishing that it has the ability to be art, to make a difference, for someone else.
Obsessing. That’s what we call it in the business. Fortunately, my husband is a psychologist also and he calls me on it. I need him to. Letting go…worrying I could have said it, written it, done it, been IT better…yes, I have trouble with that sometimes. But you know what? It’s getting better. I told my co-worker just this morning–the healthier I get in more areas of my life, the easier THE STUFF gets. For me, it’s not about balance, though. The scale tips to the ONE way. Thanks for sharing. I’m excited to read your book! I guess I didn’t know about this very big news, so am looking forward to hearing more
Laura´s last [type] ..Playdates with God
We call it “event letdown”… the little bit of melancholy and anxiety that follows anything you’ve poured heart into. I feel it every day. Whether its something I’ve written, designed, taught, put on or sometimes just said. And then I’m reminded (usually by one of those dear friends who can throw you at the cross in a funk), the Holy Spirit is already in my tomorrow, filling the gaps for everything I missed in bringing the gospel. I can hardly wait to see your finished art!
Katie Splinter´s last [type] ..wherein I share some of my crazy
I just can’t wait for your book to come out! Thanks for always sharing your heart. I struggle with the whole art thing right now, 4 kids 5 and under and moving several times in the past few years, we are just surviving, but I look forward to the art in the future and hope I can see the art that is here even in the surviving.
One of my art teachers famous expressions was, “Get the heck out.” Meaning, don’t over-do it, don’t over-think it – quit tweeking and just be finished – it is difficult to know when that is, and sometimes you need someone to come along side as an objective observer to just say, “Get the heck out!”
Hmmm… what an interesting post. YOu’re right (as usual) – it is hard to finish. I find it hard even to consider a course paper finished, and then there’s the curriculum I wrote a couple of years ago and have been wanting to put the finishing touches on, fill in the spaces, but I’m afraid that it’s going to be too much, and that perhaps it won’t be that helpful anyway. And the book on teaching… I could go on, and on, and on.
These kinds of moments of intense panic are not unusual when I’m dealing with something I care a lot about, something I put myself into, something that will inevitably be judged by other people. It’s not unusual, but I wish it wasn’t normal for people to feel this way. Because (for real) you were inspired by God to write this, and if it’s your baby it’s His baby, too. No matter what happens, how people read it, His purpose is there in the pages, between the words. That’s awesome!
That is one of the hardest parts of creating, is knowing when it is done. No more tweaking, no more adjusting, not another dab here or there. Just trust that what we put into it was just enough, and nothing is ever perfect (that WE make anyway) but it is good enough and what it was supposed to be.
Can’t wait to see the video and can’t wait to read the book!
Bernice
Living the Balanced Life´s last [type] ..Be authentic- be engaging- be ready for change
Well done! You captured it perfectly—
“There is a false sense of comfort that can settle in when we never allow ourselves to finish what we’ve started.”
So true! So much easier for us to put the brakes on a project, to try and retain that last bit of control over how it will be perceived or received.
And yet, as someone else above mentioned, they’re not just our projects—they’re His. And that makes all the difference.
Thank you for this, today.
Hello! I just found your blog. It is an interesting post! I almost wish that I had ‘problems’ with finishing a project. I have such anxiety thinking about starting a project, that I often don’t start….then I dwell on the fact that ‘if only’……I’ll be following your blog! Would love for you to check out my blog if you have a chance!
Bonni´s last [type] ..Where are the older women
WhenI saw the title of today’s post I thought, “Wow…this is just for me.” But as I started reading, I thought, no…. not what I thought she was going to say.
Then you said, ” But there is fear in the finishing. Because what if it isn’t good/right/loved/beautiful? What if I’m not good/right/loved/beautiful?”
>Zowie.< That was the punch I was hoping for. This is a fear that has gripped me for years. I believe it's at the root of why I get so excited to start new things, but let them trail into UFO-dom (UFO=Un Finished Object).
A friend once suggested that instead of fear of failure I actually might suffer from fear of success.
And I believe she's right.
I did it!…. But how do I know if I can do it again? What if it was a fluke?… etc., etc., etc.
How do you know your book is going to do what you set out for it to do? To say what you wanted it to say?
You don't.
But at least it's not a half-started book sitting on the shelf of "what if?". It's not a UFO. ;o)
It is finished!!!
Congratulations!!!!!!! I can't wait to read it. <3
Joy´s last [type] ..art & fear- with a dash of silly
Why, yes. I’m a second-guesser from way back. You know that I have many insecurities, and it’s amazing how those can rear their ugly heads (or is it just one monstrous head?) after I’ve done something, created something, written something, said something.
I think I need more consecration time in my life–time apart to say, “God, I’m doing this. And since I belong to you, then I’m doing this for you. It’s awfully imperfect, so if it’s going to be a good thing, I’m going to need your blessing.”
And then I need more relinquishment time. Maybe my new motto can be kind of like that old “Let go and let God.” Except maybe I need “Let God and let go.”
Richella´s last [type] ..Sharing the bliss- a giveaway
Ahh, this reminds me so much of another time in my life when I was in a different creative field and we designers would laugh about knowing when a piece was “finished.” A part of you could keep going, keep poking, prodding, and fluffing forever, yet another part of you knew it didn’t need one more thing. Beauty, art, right there before you, done. Finished!
Hi Emily! I can’t wait to read your book! Have a blessed day!
I am so glad I found this series! I am in the beginning stages of something, and I definitely feel the comfort of it being “in progress!” In fact, I sort of have a deadline in April. What scares me is thinking that I do finally finish and THEN I realize that I didn’t actually finish. That there was so much left unsaid. All I can do is trust that God will let me know when I’m done.
Can’t wait to read your book!
Angela @ Homegrown Mom´s last [type] ..Sacred Hours
I think you’ve got a lot more to say, Emily…what have you discovered in writing the first book? What more are you discovering for yourself? I think the video taping kind of insinuates that the project is done – wrapped neatly in a pretty little bow – and you know it’s not “done”…there’s still so much more to say. So, I think it’s about continuing with the project…continuing with the art, and seeing how it interweaves with more *stuff* you’ve yet to create.
Amy´s last [type] ..A decision that saved My Life
Emily,
I just found your blog through my sweet friend Shannan at Flower Patch Farmgirl, and I have to say I understand exactly what you’re saying. I just finished my first novel (for the third time…I had three big edits on it and this last one about killed me) but now it’s virtually out of my hands… and I have those questions all the time…what if no one reads it? What if they don’t like it? That means they don’t like ME? It’s a really difficult stretch, this in-between stage… book is done, but hasn’t been released…
It’s really nice to know I’m not alone!
Courtney Walsh´s last [type] ..Mixed Media Parenting
Emily, you just described me to a T. That little aspect of myself that is never “finished” with my creative projects has been nagging me lately. Why can’t I bring myself to finish? Is it fear of failure (my arch-nemisis) or fear of success? Because success (whatever that means) would mean CHANGE. Maybe I’m just not ready? Too comfortable with my works in progress– my 3/4 finished novels (2), my mostly decorated house, my mostly landscaped yard, my fledgling blog and decor business. Am I too scattered? Ugh, I feel a blog post coming so I can work all those questions out!
Great food for thought, I have to say. But will I be able to FINISH thinking about it?
Heidi M´s last [type] ..What I Learned This Week
Ooo, good point about change. I’ve been struggling with that very thing – feeling like there is so much that is unexpected. But it’s fun, too. Don’t forget that part!
emily freeman´s last [type] ..the art of finishing
Hi Emily-I get what you are saying. My husband (a pastor) just finished his first book (he has like 4 he has been writting…the life of a writter)…He has expressed the same thing as you have here today. Although he has not HAD a baby…he talks about the book like it is one. It is an exciting process…but as I told him…it is o.k. to say good bye to this one…you have given all of yourself…and now it is (well always was)..but now it truly is totally in Gods hands to do and use as He so chooses. So wierd cause my husband finished taping yesterday…there is a dvd that goes with the book. So we had this conversation last night! Huh-small world! Have a great day!
Emily, are you familiar with the devotional book, Jesus Calling? I bet you are. I am presently reading it, and it really addresses the thought patterns of worrying. I would highly recommend this book.
It’s one of my current favorites! Love it.
emily freeman´s last [type] ..the art of finishing
Great thoughts! I found myself furiously preparing my household for an ice storm/blizzard yesterday. I had purchased everything that we needed and prepared our home in case we lost power. Even baked some cookies for a snow day snack for my kids. Around 9:30 I realized that I couldn’t slow myself down. It’s so difficult for me to sit down and enjoy the time with my peeps. Finally told myself to get a grip and stop already. I enjoyed reading your thoughts and taking what I learned last night and merging it with some new insight. They definitely apply to all of the artistic projects I’ve got going on around here as well. Thanks so much, can’t wait to read the book.
Oh Marcy. This is so familiar. The running, the planning, the getting ready.
And thank you for wanting to read my book. *sigh* That’s so crazy amazing.
emily freeman´s last [type] ..the art of finishing
YES! It really is. I’ve been messing with a book proposal for 4 months and since I’ve never written a book before I just don’t want to let it go. I know from so many others that it will probably be rejected. Maybe more than once. But I’m freaking terrified of joining the ranks of all the many others before me who just sent the darned thing to the agent. Argh. So now what? Just send it? This is where the art is torturous.
Laurie Wallin´s last [type] ..Celebrating our little big girl
yep. Now you just send it. I know, not what you wanna hear
emily freeman´s last [type] ..the art of finishing
Yes! I thought it was just me. God laid this book on my heart a few years ago, and I’ve been dragging my heels. I’m worried about finishing it, honestly. What if no one likes it? What if it was just this inside thing between God and me and not meant for mass consumption? I have to remember that God put it on my heart—he’s got a plan for it. Even if the plan is just for me to finish something for once in my life—finish something for God, in particular—he’ll show me the value in it. I just have to trust him to finish what he started!
Rachel´s last [type] ..The Choice
Welcome to the writing life, my friend. All those questions will never really go away. We just have to choose if we’ll let them make our decisions for us. Finish! Finish! Finish that book!
emily freeman´s last [type] ..the art of finishing
I was asked to write a guest post for a friend. It is due Friday. I finished it today. It was done. I know it. I had rewritten it three times, but I knew it was finally complete. I just emailed it to her, and then came to read this post. As I read your fears, my own fears gripped me. Not that yours caused mine, they just helped me to realize I was feeling the same way. Worry, doubt and insecurity set in and I wonder if I could have done better or gone another route.
Your words encouraged me and helped me to remember to trust myself and the One who is whispering in my ear. Can’t wait to see your book!!
Melissa Brotherton´s last [type] ..21-days of sacrifice
First of all, the opposite of trust is fear. I hear fear in your post.
Second of all, I think that this is what your book is about – GRACE – even for yourself.
Thirdly, my lovely daughter who has two art degrees says that it’s the mistakes that make it ‘art.’
signed, a self confessed perfectionist who has learned a lot from your blog
I have no big “work” to fret over, but I can perfectly understand. I have lain in bed after publishing a blog post (just a little blog post mind you!) and agonized over whether it was really what I wanted to say, and did it offend anyone, and is it just stupid?
These posts have been such a help to me Emily. I don’t know if I will ever have a published book, but they have helped me in so many ways.
Thank you
Linda´s last [type] ..Someone
ooooh. your words are hitting home. putting it out there is being seen…and i’m not sure i want to hear what people think about what they see. what is that? an attempt to silence us (you!…me!) in speaking, showing, being Light in the darkness. the evil one prefers us to hide, to conceal, to cower. praying that you will continue to hear the VOICE that is drowning the lies with Truth.
adornedlife´s last [type] ..you are not
I definitely agree. Finishing can just be hard as beginning. Usually when you begin something creative like writing a book, you’ll eventually pick up momentum midway, and you just write and write, and don’t know the perfect place/time to stop.
Henway´s last [type] ..GoDaddy Reviews
And this is why I struggle to finish things! If I’m still working on something, there is room for improvement. If I say I’m finished, it’s as if I am saying this is as good as it gets. This is the best I can do.
Good for you. Filming a promo video, wow!
Amy Sullivan´s last [type] ..I Delivered My Baby on the Side of the Road
I would say I have a general fear of finishing for the reasons you described. It is so easy to have multiple projects going at once and to enjoy things while they are fresh and new, but to finish and let a critical eye fall on what I have done…not so much. I am going to print out this line from your post “Sometimes the art is found in the bravery it takes to begin, and other times the art is about knowing when you’re finished” and tape it to my computer screen. Thanks for sharing it. I needed to read it.
David Willis´s last [type] ..Dare mighty things
I just emailed you…most of what I want to say is in that. But I am reminded that in just reading another comment to this post – you are right. “Sometimes the art is found in bravery it takes to begin . . .” You will know why I stopped the quote there when you read the email. I haven’t even reached anywhere near beginning, and so I am not ready for the end of it just yet. Thank you for sharing. My soul is breathing once more. . .
Laura´s last [type] ..Hello World
Emily, it’s so true. If I never finish what I start I can’t fail after I’ve finished. But I guess unfinished business always fails. And life is that way to. We live forever, but we have these years here. To finish this life well – that’s the thing. I’m going to finish well.
Thank you for this.
God Bless
Craig´s last [type] ..Love sometimes gets married pt3
Oh yes, the art of the writer IS knowing when to be finished. We could go on forever, couldn’t we? But if we have the courage to let it rest, why there’ll be something else around the corner later.
Thanks for stopping by Love Notes
Wow! You certainly have captured what I have been feeling for a very long time – and it doesn’t have to pertain to art. It is for anything you do (create) in life. Thanks for giving me the courage to put some things to rest. To say “It’s done now. What’s next?”
With love and joy,
Becky
Emily, this is so true! I wonder if that is why I have so many unfinished projects lying around…then if someone criticizes them I can say, “Well, it’s not finished yet…”
And yet, God isn’t finished with me. I’m a work in progress. So maybe it’s okay to keep working at things?
Minnesotamom´s last [type] ..Valentimes
I hate the beginnings – I want to jump in at the middle, where it seems that the writing has a life of its own. The end often feels like a reckoning – of time spent, of confidences (mis?)placed.
A serenity prayer for writers: “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and an editor who knows the difference.”
ha! That’s a good one…an editor who knows the difference.
Wow, just stumbled upon your blog and I’m inspired! You such such a great writing style! Thank you for taking your time and inspiring the world! I’m looking forward to your future posts! God richly bless you!
Vicky
Vicky´s last [type] ..Neutral Baby Nursery – DIY
I think I’ve got it done before I even start. Then in the middle, I think, ‘what was I thinking? What’s the point I’m trying to make in all this?’ Then by the end all the pieces have meshed together into something different, and usually bettter, but different than my initial idea. And, then I get nervous. Did I put enough in? Did I take too much out? How did I end up here? Was this a crazy idea? Oy Oy Oy!!! Maybe I’ll change my mind.
but, art, and creating, and living, isn’t just about us. There are people out there that need what we’re making. We just don’t know it at the time.
Like this post, and most of your recent posts.
Hannah´s last [type] ..WE ALL HAVE SOMETHING TO GIVE
I struggle after I make decisions ALL the time. I struggle with making the decision itself, then I second guess and beat myself up about it afterward. Even if I have prayed about it and sought counsel. My husband keeps saying to me, you just have to pick a lane and go. You did the right thing, don’t second guess yourself. Thanks for your post. As the wife of a YP, you are a huge encouragement to me!
i love hearing you talk about this. it’s interesting because you’ve been on my mind and heart recently. i was wondering how it must feel at the stage in the writing that you are. done with the first, waiting for it to come out. just know that i’m saying a prayer for you. it is so exciting to see how God is opening doors and using you. i wish we could hang out again – then i could give you a great big hug!
Oh my lady, you are such a deep thinker these days. I mean, you’re always a deep thinker…but even moreso lately! Not sure how I feel about finishing a project…I actually think I like it. I’m a black and white kind of girl. I like to “be done.” And then move on. Does that sound cold and calculating? I don’t know. Maybe it does. That’s not to say I don’t hem and haw and regret and wish I did things different or think about all the other ways I could have done it…but yet, when I’m done I’m done.
Michelle DeRusha@Graceful´s last [type] ..For the Least of These
Wow, Emily! I’ve just heard of your blog through another blogger who posted a recommendation on yet another bloggers site today. (If you’re wondering it was http://www.annieblogs.com) Anyway, I’m blown away because first of all the first 3 of your blogs I read were entirely inspirational and now this one… simply describes me to a tee on pretty much any given day after I’ve decided I was excited, proud, or happy about something I created. What is up with the doubt, panic and fear? Sheesh. I almost burst into tears as I read this because I’m feeling it TODAY. Thank you for helping me realize I’m not alone and reminding me to leave it in God’s hands when its finished.