In the middle of his alcoholic days, my dad didn’t go to church with us unless it was a holiday or special occasion. So when my mom, sister and I would leave, this is how he would spend his Sunday mornings.
When they leave for church, I open a beer, read the paper, and crank up the stereo. Sometimes with a few beers in me and the music loud, I stand and talk in a loud whisper. I catch myself acting like a teacher, talking and intellectualizing on things in the news, or politics, or sports, or music, or other things my mind randomly latches onto. Sometimes, in some foggy way, I see myself doing this explaining and persuading out in the future. Then I have another beer. I vacuum and wash the dishes so I don’t feel totally useless. I take a nap. They come home from church. This becomes a normal Sunday morning.
He didn’t know why and he couldn’t explain it. But it was in him to speak out. That was 25 years ago. Today, he is an announcer on the radio. A believer in Jesus. A teacher at church. A mentor to couples. A small group leader.
All my life, characters have been following me around, waiting for a starring role in a story I haven’t yet told. Last week while in South Carolina, there they were again, hiding in the Low Country shadows of the oaks with their mossy-grey profiles. Still, not one of those characters are clear to me. It’s as if I’m surrounded by a smokey cloud of faceless witnesses. The fog is thick with story but I can’t see a thing. And so I wait. It isn’t time to tell their stories yet anyway.
Art does that. Sometimes it follows after you so hard and so loud that you look around to see how everyone else is reacting to this most obvious explosion of creativity happening right here in this room. It is bright and tangible and full. But other times, it speaks of future, not yet things to come. It whispers for us to prepare so that it isn’t so surprising when the story shows up one day, demanding you to tell it or to live it, ready or not. The Spirit of the living, loving God speaks into our lives and offers us shadows of things to come, blurry and unclear. But no less real.
He weaves His art into the very fiber of our being, so close that we can’t not have at least some hint of it, even if we are drowning in addiction, blind to the truth, hardened by unforgiveness, paralyzed with fear. My grandfather was a rather unhappy man in his living days. He was an alcoholic too, but his story didn’t end so well. He stopped drinking only a few years before he died and he never grew into his potential. He encouraged me in my writing as a young girl. I think he may have seen something in me that he recognized in himself but couldn’t quite touch. There were shadows of his design, whispers of his giftedness that I’m sure spoke to him in some way, but his demons drowned them out.
Maybe you are drawn to the people and culture of another country but you can’t explain why. You bring your camera to every wedding because you can’t not take pictures of the bride. You write for free and it should feel like a waste, except that it doesn’t and you don’t have an answer for it. You stare at your living room and imagine ways to make it better, and then you do and it changes your mood. It should be silly, except it isn’t.
And so when you hear the whispers, One day, there will be fiction. Children. Teaching. Speaking. Love. Writing … don’t ignore them. It doesn’t mean that things will turn out exactly as you think. They won’t. But I do believe God fully provides for us in the present while at the same time, faintly hints about the future. And sometimes, as He moves in us and around us in the moments of our day, He nudges us in whispers and desire towards something He has for us later.
It’s why an alcoholic who isn’t even a believer can stand in a room and pretend to teach and not know why. It’s not because he had an idea that he would like to try that out one day. It’s because teaching was woven into the fiber of his being when he was knit together in his mother’s womb. We — a people with a full capacity to love and learn and teach and create and live — we did not just happen. We were made by design, and that design is held together by a Person. And his intention for us is beautiful, hopeful, and filled with delight.
What are the whispers of design saying to you today?
Emily, I love this. The art is woven into the fiber of our being while we were knit together in our mother’s womb? I have never thought of it in that way. The whispers, the desires, the tugs are all part of who we are and who we will be. Even us “older” folk. Amazing.
Terrifically beautiful, Emily.
Can’t wait to read this book …
Long ago, at the age of 17, the whispers of design said: Follow me into ministry. Speak, write, love life.
And I did. Blindly. But full of hope.
What a amazing journey of joy.
Much love.
Beautiful…the whispers of design. And isn’t it so amazing that all of this was designed by such a creative Father…so our designing and creating and writing and whatever it is that we do, are just threads of His creativity.
I have to keep reminding myself of this today as I have been tediously hand lettering 400+ wedding invitation envelopes. My hand sometimes wishes there was a little LESS creativity in me!
Have a blessed weekend at the conference.
kelly in georgia
Oops! You have another weekend before you go. Oh well, have a great weekend wherever you are!
um….this is my new favorite post of yours. I still love “never enough” but man alive, you have touched a nerve. why doesn’t anyone ever talk about this?
I’ve always loved your site, but I think you are getting better the closer you get to book release. Thanks so much for the post.
I’ve always wanted to write fiction, but never been able to latch on to a story or characters. This reminded me that it might be a “not yet” scenario. It’s so easy to get caught up in what everyone else in your field is doing and try to force the art before it’s ready. Thanks for reminding me to slow down and let it come on its own time.
This had me in tears this morning. EXACTLY what I needed to hear. Like God speaking straight through you to me. Thank you so much for writing and speaking and being obedient. Thank you, thank you.
Beautiful Emily, I don’t know what the whispers of design are telling me, but I sure am going to think about it, and try to listen more closely. Thanks for the food for thought.
This might be my favorite post. I’ve said that before but you keep outdoing yourself. I believe every word here. For me the whispers are of story…but it’s blurry. Whether it’s mine or someone else’s, I don’t know. But I trust that in due time, I’ll see clearly.
I agree – my favorite post of yours. My mom remembers me interviewing my friends and writing articles about our summer days… way back when I was 7.
It’s always been in me, but only recently starting coming out of me.
This is so confirming to my heart – thank you so much.
I can’t not respond to this…I cried all the way through it and I don’t even know why, but thank you for writing it!! I have been so blessed by your thoughts since I ran across your blog! And I have to believe that as children of an awesome Creator, we are meant to live out art in some way!! Thank you for living out your art!!
Sincerely,
Rebekah
Emily,
I feel like I know you already. I have been soaking up your words for a few months now. Today was the day that I couldn’t just go about my day as normal. I have always felt that I have to have something creative going on in my life. And as a result, I love to decorate, paint, cook, bake, make stained glass, sew, read, etc., etc. The problem with that (and I guess I shouldn’t call it a “problem” really) is that I haven’t been able to find out what the one thing is that I am really good at. The one thing that I can’t live without doing. I think it might make sense to you. Or I hope it does.
Your last words: “What are the whispers of design saying to you today?” force me to be more present in my creativity and to push on (even at the age of 50!) and to know (and believe) that there is a plan for me and that I need to be more conscious of the whispers that I have not yet heard.
Thanks for your words-I know I am not the only one that feels touched by what you share with us.
Charlene
Powerful words! You painted such a clear and vivid picture of your dad, standing there, teaching to the tv. What an insightful story you both have. And I know what you mean, sometimes I feel like I can hear those whispers, and they seem to be clues of what’s to come. I know that clues are so much easier to see in retrospect; so for now, I work to really trust Him, I listen to the whispers, I long for more insight on where the Lord wants to take me creatively, and I look forward to hopefully someday looking back and seeing how all the clues fit together.
My father was also an alcoholic without full potential being realized. He was taken from us long before his time and died of cancer before he came to know the Lord. My hope is that in his final days of dementia, he found peace, and that God in His way, took him home.
Emily-
I know that your first book hasn’t even hit the racks, yet. But in all seriousness, I think you should create a coffee table book of your posts about art. I would buy one for myself. And one for my mom. And one for my daughter. And three for my sisters. It could be called “We Will Make Art.”
Yes, please.
Or maybe make an e-book so we can print it ourselves. I need your gentle reminders of how important it is to create. To make art out of every day life.
I find it hard to believe that so often when I come here it is like God is speaking straight to my heart. It’s like having hazy thoughts which I haven’t quite been able to grasp come clear and make sense and be confirmed. Thank you so much. So very, very much.
It’s certainly a blessing to have a gift, as well as the strength and courage to pursue it!
The whispers are getting stronger here, and are finally coming out of the haze to something a little more defined. Your words confirm exactly what the Lord is doing in my heart. It’s so hard to trust the process, but hearing you talk about it in exactly the way that I’m experiencing it is so encouraging!
I am so glad, Kimberly.
“And sometimes, as He moves in us and around us in the moments of our day, He nudges us in whispers and desire towards something He has for us later.” ~ Love it! At the age of 14 God called me into ministry for Him. I had no idea what that would be. For a time it was ministering to the sick as a critical care nurse. Now, it is ministering to my children as he prepares me and teaches me to minister to women.
Thank you thank you thank you for this.
yesterday I turned 30. Part of my present to myself was to admit that I’ve always wanted to make art and never felt like it was important. I said it out loud and I got mainly great feedback.
However, a close friend sent a long and hurtful email that told me that it would cost too much to my family. All I said was that that wanted to do it. It is a little something, nothing huge or life altering. My husband came behind me and supported me and told me that pursuing what’s inside of us is very important and hiding that from ourselves can be harming.
Even though I have loads of family and friends that confirm me and encourage me and make art too, that little email makes the loudest noise in my head.
This post REALLY REALLY helps. Thanks!
It is unfortunate how those doubting voices seem to speak so much louder than the true ones. Fear can be a loud and abusive motivator, and it sounds like your friend was perhaps speaking from behind it. The Creator of the universe made creativity his number one priority at the beginning of time. It wasn’t something he did, it is who he is. We would be remiss to ignore that creativity that has been placed within us.
May you dance around in the shadow of that whisper today – receive it as the gift that it is, Meg. And thanks for your comment.
I have been reading the heart of the artist by Rory Noland. He was speaking about this very same thing in the first few chapters. I love how he speaks of the servant heart and how we are serving GOD not others. Please join with me as we strive to do this with our dreams and art. Seek His face and none other, seek him as you create- finding balance with art, and family. He will show you how. I am thankful for the times in my life I let all the Voices fall into the background as His still small voice became the loudest. Those were definitely hard choices, but gutsy and daring, filling me with the most joy!remember….. its all grace and mercy.
I love this post. I’ve always found myself pushing aside what I feel compelled to do because I’m afraid. Not only am I afraid of failing, but it’s also like a secret in that once friends and family see this part of me that’s been kept inside, I can never take it back.
Yes! I can completely relate. I want to release the gift… give a voice to the whisper, but it’s the exposure of something that’s been hidden or quiet for so long that at times it feels safer to hold on to it.
And again…your weaving of words have left me breathless. Love this so much. You, my friend, treat your art well.
“And so when you hear the whispers, One day, there will be fiction. Children. Teaching. Speaking. Love. Writing … don’t ignore them. It doesn’t mean that things will turn out exactly as you think. They won’t. But I do believe God fully provides for us in the present while at the same time, faintly hints about the future. And sometimes, as He moves in us and around us in the moments of our day, He nudges us in whispers and desire towards something He has for us later.”
Sitting at the kitchen table with tears. One day, there will be…
Came from Lisa’s comment on twitter and you are a beautiful wordsmith. So love the epiphany of your daddy teaching weighty words to the wind. I Kings 19:11 – after the storms of his life, came his God in a Gentle Whisper. Oh, to have open ears, open eyes to hear the Mighty Whisper above all the other noise—Acts 19:35. The Mighty One is greater than all this noise!
This is so good! Too often we can see and hear those whispers and think, “NOW!” I can forget that “not now” does not mean “not ever.” When the waiting seems long, he is there into the “now ready.”
Love how you speak your heart.
I absolutely love this post! Exactly what I needed to hear right now. Thank you for sharing your art so beautifully.
What a gentle, encouraging post. I’m not sure if God is whispering to me right now – but the hunger in my heart is intense. To move somewhere warm. To work for a ministry. To have my husband video for a ministry. Sigh. But I know there would be sacrifices involved and His plans may be better than my own. So I try to be patient. To listen. To bend.
Thank you, Emily, for being the encourager that you are. Your words spoke deep into my heart today.
I love it when I hear God’s whispers…I just posted today about hearing from him specifically just yesterday:
http://heartandhaven.com/2011/07/15/what-matters-most-on-messy-days/
After I posted, I opened up Google Reader and started reading my favorite blogs – yours is one of them
.
I’m always encouraged reading your posts! Today’s was exceptional!
“And sometimes, as He moves in us and around us in the moments of our day, He nudges us in whispers and desire towards something He has for us later.” I love that! It spoke directly to my heart.
I paused and scrunched down low to see if maybe I could just jump inside the screen as I read your words this afternoon, Emily. Maybe if I scrunched down you’d be there, right there staring back at me through the web cam or something. I wanted to say *really?* and *oh, yeah!* and tell you just how settled my heart feels with peace.
I’ve had the same whispers of characters and words of fiction (but first nonfiction), and it’s all still so blurry. I’m learning that’s okay. And as I’ve shared with you (several times now), I have a vision–a clear one–of another little person in our family, and it’s so not for Today.
It’s sometimes hard to live in the space of now with the blurryness all around. Yet, you’re right–it’s part of His design and only He knows the *why*.
I was thinking the same thing your sister said–”why doesn’t anyone talk about this?” (!!!)
Such. Great. Stuff.
oh, Emily.
you just pierce me right through.
I don’t even know what to say.
some day I’m going to give you an ugly cry face hug.
Oh Emily you have done it again! When I stumble here I see Father through your words. This has to be my new favorite (as your sis mentioned) such truth and devotion in these words.
Well this should be hung in the halls of every home in America. How’s that for a recommendation? (hehe) Seriously, great post, Emily. Our Heavenly Father designed us for a purpose, all of us have a unique purpose. And we have within us the gifts that are ours, from birth, and yet so many of us never reach our potential. Parents sometimes fail to recognize their children’s talents, often because they want them to be something else, thus hindering the child from reaching his or her potential. Then as adults, we often fail to reach our potential because we seek everything first, except the Kingdom of God.
I loved this, Emily. So very needful. As for those designing whispers, I’ve been hearing “fiction, fiction” a lot lately, but I keep running away with my ears covered. I hope that’s not a sin.
I am tucking this one into my heart Emily. You cannot know how the Spirit whispers through these words of yours. I am always amazed at the Lord’s timing.
This gently gives anyone and everyone permission to be, to become, to poke around and look deeply into what brings them joy. Often we deny ourselves, feeling for various reasons that we don’t deserve to pursue something that makes us happy. But to realize that God designed us that way — oh, that is divine permission. Well communicated, lovely prose, ponderous truth.
I vividly remember sitting on the floor of my bright yellow bedroom as a child. I held in my hand a passionate letter I had written to the newspaper in response to a tragic hunting accident that had occurred. I knew there was something significant about the letter I held in my hands. A letter written in red ink and folded into a small rectangle. It was like a treasure I was afraid to share with anyone, a secret power I possessed that had the potential to change everything. A ten year old girl sitting on the floor of her small yellow bedroom somehow knew this was a defining moment in her life. For more than 30 years I’ve had no idea why this remained such a powerful memory. I never did show anyone, it never amounted to anything, and yet I can’t forget it…The picture comes more clearly into focus as I answer The Call. Is this what I’m meant to do with my life? To write? I will follow and see where it leads. I too have stories within that yearn to be shared, characters that over years continue to reveal themselves to me. In the meantime I practice. I write the scenes that I live each day — in Walmart, at the restaurant… I notice the people around me and I borrow their features, their movements and I piece together a puzzle. A puzzle that I don’t have the box for… What will it look like?…Will it ever be finished?
“The Spirit of the living, loving God speaks into our lives and offers us shadows of things to come, blurry and unclear. But no less real.”
This, these words, are what I needed to hear today, what I’ve needed to be reminded of in this season. Seems lately I’ve been groping and grasping, reaching to grab hold of that fleeting mirage, straining to look more closely and see more clearly, desperate to pin it down as my road map before it once again vanishes.
I think that maybe I’m most afraid that the “shadows of [my] design [and] whispers of [my] giftedness” will be blown away by the storms of fear and insecurity and complacency. Afraid that I might be chasing the wrong dream and missing the plot that He wrote for me.
Thank you for reminding me that it’s okay when the path seems muddied and the view indistinct. The full story is yet to be told.
I’m so glad to have found your blog! Thanks for that very thought provoking post, Emily.
I knew when I was nine years old that I would be a primary school teacher. I was – for thirteen years, eight before having my only child, five after she went to school. Then I went to art school then back to Uni and got more qualifications and found myself teaching English to Speakers of Other Languages. Coincidence? Definitely not! (Don’t believe in them). I don’t know what’s coming but I know that I will be gently prepared for it and it will seem like the most natural thing in the world!
This is truly beautiful Emily. And all of it applicable to anyone who’s ever dreamed.
Thank you for writing this. The whispers in my heart are strong for many things… to be a wife and mom, go to Mars Hill grad school & get my degree in Counseling, to write fiction, and teach little girls and take photography courses. But now is not the time yet. I have to wait on Him. =)
Wow. I love when someone can make you look at life in a completely new way. You did that tonight. What an awesome, inspiring, encouraging, calming and exciting post.
Emily, I read this post, and then read through all the many comments here, and I thought to myself, how could I possibly say anything more than what everyone else has already said so perfectly? But I couldn’t just let this post go by without saying something because this post, your whole blog, speaks so deeply to my heart.
Your tagline “a place for your soul to breathe”, you truly have created a place where my soul can breathe. I get so excited when I see that you have a new post up because I know that when I’m done reading (or even while I’m reading) my breathing will become slower, deeper, and the weight that I didn’t even realize was there pressing down on my chest will be lifted, and my soul will sing again.
Thank you — THANK YOU — for sharing your art with us and bringing such hope and encouragement to my life.
Thanks. Yeah, it wasn’t for me, but it kinda was. And I love that everyone feels like it was for them, too.
There’s something strangely comforting about this, Emily. He knows, even if we don’t. We suspect, He nudges and validates those urges or what we regard as whims. Embracing my inner creativity– writing, decorating, painting, fluffing my nest, teaching– is hard most of the time. It feels irresponsible somehow. But when I let myself embrace it, I feel like I’m fully living and fully being. I’m getting better, but it’s a journey. Thank goodness for His whispers of encouragement.
Have a blessed weekend.
Oh my stars, this may be my favorite post of yours. I *needed* to read this. Praising our beautiful Lord and so thankful His design included you…
xoxo
Lovely and encouraging.
I’m curious about what you’d have to say about the work required with art. I am full of stories, but I must work to find them. Maybe because this is also a career, this is the difference? I have a quote on my bulletin board by Picasso that says something like “Inspiration will find you, but it will find you working.” I have to let things percolate, but I also have to chase those ideas down, sit with them in sometimes uncomfortable silence, push with questions to make connections.
I’d so love to hear about your process.
http://www.chattingatthesky.com/2011/04/13/how-to-make-art/
and also
http://www.chattingatthesky.com/2011/04/11/the-work-of-art/
happy working.
This is so encouraging to me today. I’m on the “older” side of life and even though I’m pressing in more than ever to grasp what He has for me to do, I know I’ve missed alot. I’ve been struggling with that “is it worth it” question lately. And I think it must be, based on what you’ve shared here. Thanks so much.
The Whispers of Design are saying to me that sometimes, what seems to be the main thing, is not really the main thing at all.
That I can get caught up in the tyranny of the urgent- working hard on what seems to be critical at that moment – but not even realize that God is at work in what seems to me to be a minor detail in the situation, achieving a purpose in me that I could not even begin to conceive.
Right on time. Thank you.
Oh….
I might need to come back and read this again, when I’m in a better mood…
Maybe a couple more times…or ten…
p.s.
LOVE how your Dad’s life changed. Isn’t God just awesome?!
I’ve got to get out of here. It’s… something. I can’t ignore it.
I always feel so trapped. Odd, huge city it is.
This canvas isn’t mine though, I’m a stranger to my home.
Well, place of residence.
You think 11 years would change that.
No.
I need to get out.
This city.
This Province.
This country.
This continent.
Wow, the world’s huge.
Too claustrophobic here.
So I’m leaving then.
No regrets.
Gosh, this was so amazing. Really, I am speechless to how this made me feel. Lately, I am exploding with desire to create. And is absolute awe of the beauty that surrounds me everywhere I look. It is amazing, but is also making me feel isolated from my family. Yikes.
By the way, I can not wait to read your book.
Beth
How awesome! It really spoke to me and encoueaged me as I being my jouney putting thngs out there for others. God has truly given you a gift.
Wow. Very nice. Very nicely done. And you speak Truth too.
This post is beautiful in so many ways. I will definitely be looking at things in a different light now. Thanks!
What a beautiful and haunting story… But with a happy ending!
Visiting from SITS…
Emily this so speaks to me today… you continually wrap words around the rustlings of my heart
this one reaches down deep and takes hold of me.
my dad was an alcoholic…he also came to know Jesus and his life changed…but there is still a whole lot of brokenness in him…but there have sure been many prayers answered on his behalf.
It’s one of the sweetest miracles of God that he can take the effects of brokenness in a family and bring good out of it.
…an absolute miracle.
Emily, I sit here with tears rolling down my face…having just asked God and reminded Him what He said about my writing…and I can barely sit in front of a computer screen long enough to check email with four babies, homeschooling them and working in the ministry that God has given us and wow! this grammar is awful…its just that I have already waited so long. But thank you for reminding me that if it is woven into the very fiber of my being that it WILL come forth, this art of mine…
Stunning! I have loved (and followed) your blog for a while, and your writing is always meaningful to me, but for some reason this post hit me tonite…I love the part about “blurry, but no less real”. God has been asking me to write a Bible Study (what?) and that is so scary….I know how to do design, but writing a study?? He’s crazy. He wants me to do something I DON”T know how to do…He will guide. So exciting. Thanks so much for your voice. Love it!
Simply amazing – touched my soul today, and made me feel part of something – that someone else has those longings, those things that can’t be explained, but that nonetheless are truer than the clouds in the sky. What a piece of writing, thank you for reminding me to believe. To hope, to trust, and to know, He will take care of me, of us, of everything.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KIkQ7YVys_A
Hi Emily,
I love reading your blog. When I read your most recent entries it made me think of Mike’s Chair Song, Let the Waters Rise. I posted a link to the music video. Prayers for your family even though you don’t know me personally. Your writing always ministers to me in a special way. Thanks! Jenna
Thank you for writing, “You stare at your living room and imagine ways to make it better, and then you do and it changes your mood. It should be silly, except it isn’t.” Thanks for saying this and making it seem and feel legitimate to me. Blessings to you, Emily. xoxo
Lovely Emily. Sweet to hear words of redemption for your father…we share some of the same story lines. Which means it is good to hear about the successes, even if we also have to acknowledge the times when what we see falls short of what we wished for those we love. Praying for you and your family in this season of letting go.
Emily, I just stumbled upon your beautiful blog and I’m so glad I did. You are a lovely writer, and this post touched me so deeply. As a new mother who just finished six rounds of chemotherapy for newly diagnosed cancer, I’ve been feeling lost and as if I’m treading water lately. I’m struggling to know what is next and who I am after so much has changed. But your story and especially this line: “But I do believe God fully provides for us in the present while at the same time, faintly hints about the future,” has reminded me of how much God has given me lately despite what has been taken away, and more importantly reminded me to look towards the future with hope. Thank you.
I keep a blog at be-not-afraid.org if you’re interested. Thank you again for sharing such intimate thoughts.