I was painfully shy in early elementary school. As in, other students would talk about how shy I was in front of me and teachers would ask me to speak up because they couldn’t hear me. I had one friend, Tara Cooper, who was even more shy than I was. That was how I would be for the rest of my life as far as I was concerned; shy with a side of Tara Cooper.
I grew up half a block away from the hospital where I was born. My grandparents’ house was a mere four minute drive down 17th Street into Hiker Trace, behind Marr Road and Columbus Shopping Center. Every 4th of July the family would gather in their backyard, the grown ups in lawn chairs, my sister and I climbing trees and chasing lightening bugs, always with one eye on the sky above the JC Penny’s parking lot, waiting for it to get dark so the fireworks could start.
But in the fourth grade, our parents let us know that we would be leaving Indiana and moving to Iowa, six hours away from Marr Road and Hiker Trace and Tara Cooper and the McDonalds where I got my first happy meal.
I stood in my grandma’s split-level house the day we were to leave. It smelled of cigarette smoke, Chanel No. 5 and burnt cinnamon rolls. Familiar. Comfortable. Predictable. Safe. It was the house where I had celebrated every Christmas, birthday and Easter since I could remember. I was in the bathroom and I didn’t want to come out.
Standing there that morning, I remember wishing I could crawl under the sink and stay. Maybe they’ll just leave without me. I can stay here. Under the sink. With Grandma. But I knew that couldn’t happen. We were moving–from our small, Indiana town, where I had lived all my life, where my parents had met and gone to high school, where our cousins and aunts and grandparents lived–we were leaving all things right and familiar and heading to Iowa, the land of all things different. One last trip to the bathroom, and it was time to make the 6 hour drive to what would be our new home. I was 11. And I didn’t want to go.
Every person on earth knows what it is to want to hide in the bathroom. We all have our list of Iowas, those places that are unknown, unseen, and different. We don’t want to go but we know we have to, so we hang tight onto now but know now can’t last forever.
For 31 days, I want to stand on the other side of the door for you, to call out your name and assure you that the influence you have to offer is worth something. And it may be scary and it may involve risk, but there are people in your world who are crouching in the bathroom, too. They desperately need your voice to call them out. Because living in the bathroom is no kind of living.
If changing the world is like taking a trip, then this week it’s all about the packing. For the rest of this week, we’ll talk little about action and more about belief. We may have to spend a few days with the door closed because there are things that must take place in secret before we can go out in the open. We cannot skip this part. But first, where do you see yourself? Are you hiding in the bathroom, standing outside the door, or somewhere in between-ish?
This is the fourth post in a a series. Go here to read 31 Days to Change the World from the beginning. See all of the other 31 Day series happening around the internets. Want to have Chatting at the Sky delivered into your email inbox? Subscribe here for free.
i absolutely love “shy with a side of tara cooper.”
i love how you write, friend.
You lived in Columbus, IN? I know right where that is…my cousins grew up (and aunt and uncle still live in) North Vernon.
I’m not sure where I’m going, but I’m looking forward to the packing process.
I did. Don’t get back there often enough, though.
I just have to jump in and say that I grew up in Seymour, IN. My father worked in Columbus and we visited there a lot. Do you remember the Commons playground? That was one of my favorite places. Some family lives in North Vernon. We moved to North Carolina when I was 11. I have been reading your book and love it. I was the “good girl” too. I find that I am relating to a lot of what you say. The past three years I have been discovering what it truly means to live in grace. Grace is not just for justification but also sanctification. Your book is a help on this journey. Thanks!
My dad used to be on the radio in North Vernon. And did you know they knocked the Commons down? BUT they rebuilt and I’ve heard the playground is even more awesome than it was then. I always got rug burns from all the crawling around. Good times.
Oh my holy goodness! We just moved to Columbus, and I actually live on Marr Road! Thank you for sharing today. I have been not-so-nice to this town since it’s a temporary home for us, and I loved where we came from, but your post made me think that maybe we’re here for a short time to change something in this place.
loving this series. i think i’m somewhere in between right now. i’m looking for my place. i’ve been in leadership my whole adult life and now we are more in limbo. waiting. so i’m in prayer about what god has for me. what direction i should take. is it time to lead again or just sit and be filled.
thanks so much emily!
I am in the bathroom. I am looking forward to this week! Thanks Emily.
In betweenish depending on the circumstances. Looking forward to this.
Change the names and states and that could be me. Right now I am slowly moving out from under that bathroom sink. This 31 day series…. Meant for me. God knew what He was doing when He told me to participate. I am learning from everyone else. I cannot wait for the rest of the week
I never knew you hid in the bathroom. As soon as you said that, it felt like an episode of ‘The Middle’ with a camera in there with you, and you talking to yourself all sensitive and everything, and the grownups in the distance yelling, “Let’s go!”
Her bathroom was tiny and had carpet. I remember that.
Living in the bathroom is no kind of living indeed. I think I’m pretty in-between.
On the other side of that bathroom door, so many years ago, were people who didn’t want you to go either. They wanted to hide in the bathroom too, but you were already in there.
Ever since, I’ve made sure I have two.
It feels like so many lifetimes ago! To think now I’m the grown up you all were then. Makes me re-think what my kids think about, you know?
WOW! I can so relate to your post today. Brings back memories of my childhood. I was VERY shy and my dad was in the military. We had numerous moves, and everyone was hard. I sometimes forget how that effected me. it is easy to push it aside. Thank you for helping me remember! Right now in my life…I would say I am standing in the bathroom with my hand wanting to grab the doorknob, to open the door. But afraid of what would be on the other side!!!
Great post this morning
I’m somewhere in between — peeking out of the bathroom door in wonder, teetering, teeeeetering, putting the tip of my toe through the open crack, speculating, analyzing, retreating, and closing the door again somewhere between disappointment and trepidation. So glad to be here to glean this 31 days!!
I understand my son a little bit more when you described yourself. We tell him {a lot} to speak up, though I never quite see him as “shy” and now maybe I do. This perspective changes me.
I’m enjoying your series, Emily. Very much, so. And I think it ties in so much with your series last year on Grace–what you’re writing about now is about the *How* to live free and how Grace gives us purpose {to make a difference in the world}, and in that living we are changing something/someone/the world. It’s powerful.
As to your question, I feel like I am standing at the door. Poised. Ready.
Well…almost.
Rich blessings in your journey of these 31 days.
Beautiful post I was a quiet shy child too.
Your line “the influence you have to offer is worth something”… is a challenge for me for I feel at time not so valuable and not so helpful. I try to be encouraging even when things are horrible there is a bright side somewhere. You will challenge me I am sure, press on and keep writing. You are helping others too.
I don’t know what to say! This post hit home. I’m hiding. Too afraid of the opinion of others, of judgement from even family. Thank you.
Great post!! I moved when I was 10 and can relate to your story!! We stayed in Iowa though!! Where in Iowa did you live?? Thanks for the picture you painted!! Thanks to for this series and the encouragement to embark on a 31 day journey of my own!!
We lived in Bettendorf
You have such a beautiful way of writing! I was shy also growing up. I’m standing in the threshold myself. Something about turning 40 and observing the times and seasons we are in has given me the “umph” to share what God lays on my heart. Thanks for your post!
I know that shy, and I know that bathroom. I have a hard time realizing that I can help someone else out of it because some days I feel like I’m still there. I’m looking forward to your other posts.
“..this week it’s all about the packing.” I too love how you write! totally.
I had to chuckle a little at the line, “We all have our Iowas” since I live in Iowa.
I remember moving here when I was about 7. All the way from Minnesota. It seemed like the other side of the world! All of your posts seem to make my heart swell up all happy and encouraged and challenged. Thank you. In some areas of my life, I’m outside the door. In other areas, I’m probably not even aware that I’m hiding in the bathroom. For the most part lately I feel like I’ve cracked open the door and I’m peeking out with one eye.
Somewhere in between the bathroom and the door. That’s where I am.
I remember last year’s series and how each day I couldn’t wait to see what you’d written. I feel the same way this year.
I can relate on every level. Except that right now in my life I am the one begging to leave but God has said “no, not yet” and it’s killing me! I’m loving this series.
Beautiful… So relatable. My mind is open to this challenge…
Oh boy. Here we go, I trust you, God!
Yesterday, reading some books and on-line info about book publishing and all that is required of the author – speaking, marketing, social media, etc…I am in the bathroom, curled up under the sink. My book was going to stay in its file drawer. Your words this morning – are like a soft knock at the bathroom door. “Are you OK?” Look forward to reading your posts over the next week. Maybe, just maybe, I’ll open the door and come out.
Yes, Emily’s gifted words are a soft knock on the bathroom door. Perfect, Maureen. And let my big bossy self say move towards the door, girlfriend! The world needs your voice.
Thanks, Kristen. I am wondering what will happen here – willing to listen, but shaky and nervous. Bathrooms can be very nice places
I do want to get what I write “out there,” though. Much to learn.
I recently heard the call to open a door I’d never opened before. A door into my heart and home. I told God I was afraid I would get hurt, like in the past. He said, “It’s not about you.” I know He loves me, no doubt about that! But, I have to admit, there is fire beyond my door. I’m standing in it right this moment. I know it is His refining fire but it feels more like the “fire breathing dragon” has control of the situation (and of me). I know I can’t go back into the “bathroom” but I’m frozen with fear. I want to move beyond this because I know He has so much more for me.
Such a great question, Emily. Right now I must be somewhere in between. I know I’m not hiding behind the door, well, maybe I don’t know that. Wow, something to really think about. Thanks!
Holy smokes, I love this. And I would say I’m somewhere in the middle of betweenish and standing outside the door, but I’m moving in the right direction!
Coming for my daily dose of “you can do it”! Thanks Emily!
Today, I’m featuring your book & video on my blog, as well as a link to your 31 Days. I started “Seeking Peace in the Midst of the Mess” for this 31 days. This week I’m dealing with the inside “mess” 1st and I thought grace was the perfect word for today. Your video just breaks me down every time, I had to post it for others to see.
Blessings of grace to you today!
I’m standing on the threshold with on toe over the edge. But I still have a firm grip on the door jam! Love the imagery, but not loving the need to take the next step!
I’m probably in between, at the threshold, and maybe at times, don’t realize I’m very near to hiding in the bathroom. You’re right, living in the bathroom is no kind of living. Looking forward to all your “31 days”, Emily. I’m ready to start packing!
Thank you for your beautiful post today. I am somewhere in between. I am NOT looking forward to the journey. But it is the voice of my Father in Heaven on the other side and I trust and believe HIM. The only thing worse than moving forward would be HIM leaving me behind. So I’ll move. I don’t know where I’m going, but HE does, and today that’s enough…
I’m definitely hiding in the bathroom, hoping everyone will just leave without me.
I got news yesterday that my job will no longer be funded. The thought of this is scary – but I’ve feel felt for awhile that I was playing it safe for too long.
Thanks for the encouragement to leave my comfortable hiding place, and follow where God is leading me.
Love this series and love all the new voices I’m discovering in the 31 Days.
I’m not sure if I’m staying or going. And it’s horrifying! Thank you for such an encouraging reminder. Even though I would rather stay in the bathroom, there’ s no freedom as a captive there.
In betweenish, with my head cautiously peering out of the bathroom door checking to see if it’s really safe, if I’m really ready. Of course, since the Lord is the one calling me out I know it is safe. It’s just I have been hanging out in the bathroom for so long. A gal gets used to it.
Oh…and just to let you know…I quoted your book in my 31 day post today. I am pretty sure my favorite chapter in your book is remain. Okay, it’s too hard to really pick a favorite. I won’t start listing all my favorite parts.
Anyways, linkied to Amazon so others can buy your book.
I’m standing right inside with the door cracked just enough for my face to peek out. My eyes are wide with wonder, my foot blocking the door so noone can push it open, and my hand firmly gripped on the handle in case I want to slam it shut on a moment’s notice. Every once in awhile I whisper softly just to see if anyone can hear me. That is where I am.
Definitely standing outside the door – but much less fearful about it, in fact today I got a bit of news that makes me expectant (in “letting” kind of way, not a “controling” kind of way). Can’t wait to finish packing with you this week, it’s going to be some kind of journey for all of us.
I have tears in my eyes. How beautifully written! Girl – I’d love for you to stand on the other side of that door calling out to me … come on you can step out of the familiar and into the unknown. Mercy – why is that always so challenging?!
Oh man. I am in the middle of your book right now, and have the same reaction to everything you write: At first I’m reading fast, skimming, “yes, uh-huh, that’s good…” and then there is one little sentence or story or different view on a Bible passage and I stop short, with a gasp. Because I realize the whole thing is written to me, about me, wow. It is remarkable. Thank you so much. Part of being this good girl is not knowing what to do with negative emotions, so I hide with them, oftentimes in the bathroom, keeping them to myself so I won’t “be a burden” to others.
Definitely loving these 31 days so far!
We also moved when I was 11, from a place I knew and was comfortable… A place where I and others knew who I was, and I felt I had a place… and, as a shy person and ‘good girl,’ it was such a traumatic time for me. Actually 2 solid years of trauma, and years of (almost) recovery.
I do let part of myself outside the bathroom door… Only the parts I want showing.
I, too, am in the middle of your book and 98% of what you’ve written about yourself is me. My problem at the moment is that I’m fighting the feeling that I’ve done it all ‘wrong’ and want to know how to ‘fix’ it. But that’s just repeating the problem on a different path… But I’m giving myself time to finish the book, and time for God to show me the different way. There are occasions in my life I rested in His arms and want to do it again… and all the time. SO TIRED.
Thanks for sharing your struggles.
So I have to tell you that I was at a party in the 6th grade and I hid under the cabinets in someones bathroom because the kids were wanting to play spin the bottle and I freaked out that I would have to kiss a boy! Thankful to be on the journey with you.
With Joy, Carey
Standing in the bathroom with my hand on the doorknob. Taking a deep breath. Scared but ready to take a step.
always thought-provoking and beautifully written, thanks for sharing your heart and encouraging so many! you give me courage to keep writing my own 31 day series about marriage with the hope I can encourage even one other person!
I am hiding in the bathroom…..inside the cabinet with a package of toilet paper in front of me like a shield. A flimsy shield…but a shield nonetheless.
But I desperately want to come out. I really do.
I’m hiding in the bathroom. In a little less than 2 weeks I start a new job, a full time outside the house job that involves crappy hours, working holidays and weekends and talking on the phone (which I hate. I let my husband answer the phone at home). I am starting this job because I need to. We need the benefits while my husband finishes school. I haven’t worked full time in 23 years. So yup, hiding in the bathroom is where I am. Trying to be thankful to God for providing for our needs but not really feeling it inside. It feels like I’m headedd to Iowa against my will. I hope your story has a happy ending.
Hiding behind the door… I feel like my entire life I’ve been on the verge of something big. And the only reason I’m not there is ME!! >groan<
I love this! Especially the part that says, if changing the world is like taking a trip, then this week is about packing! ha! Love it.
Great post!
Welcome to my tangent…Thinking of you hiding in a bathroom in Iowa sent me into the photographs of a book that I love called Iowa by Nancy Rexroth. (http://www.photoeye.com/bookstore/citation.cfm?catalog=VP001&i=&i2=0000000000) When you spoke of each of us having our own Iowa’s the link grew stronger…see, she made the photographs in Ohio. Perhaps a way to slink towards the Iowa that she was facing. Photograph something known and call it something unknown, trying to familiarize yourself with something new from a distance, perhaps? I think you might enjoy her images.
Beautiful story, Emily. Thanks for sharing it. I have my own list of Iowas even today.
Wow. Powerful post. Even for a girl who grew up in and never left Iowa
I’m all dressed up and ready to go. Hyperventilating as my hand reaches out to (almost) touch the handle to go out.
Hey Emily, I use to hide in bathrooms too. So thankful to be out of the bathroom. Thanks for the reminder that others are in the bathroom still and we can help them get out.
Thank you Emily. Standing in my kitchen with tears running down my face. I’ve just stepped out from the bathroom and over the threshold. Am now desperately trying to stay focussed on His voice calling me into a whole new season of faith and fear! I was that shy child, who has grown into a somewhat anxious adult, yet is so keen to walk closely with Him, no matter what our journey entails. Thank you!