“People are always telling me that change is good. But all that means is that something you didn’t want to happen has happened.”
Kathleen Kelly
The neighbor was mowing his yard the other day, his green beautiful yard, and my weird imagination had a glimpse of what our cul-de-sac would look like if we all decided to stop mowing our yards. The grass would grow beyond its driveway, concrete curb, pinestraw limits. It would get weedy and messy. I imagined us walking through a front yard forest of grass to get to the mailbox, and I considered how we are always working to hold back nature from taking its true course.
Sometimes the natural way of things is too far from our ideal, and so we work and we labor to keep the natural at bay. Do you ever feel like the goal of your life is simply to prevent yourself from suffering? It’s cold in here – turn up the heat. My head aches – find the Advil. Hunger pains – let’s make lunch. The baby cries – rock him good.
It isn’t wrong to take an Advil or rock the baby. Of course not. And then, there are worse things – horrible, unthinkable, true suffering. I don’t want to argue the purpose for suffering or why God allows suffering, but I simply want to say this: learn to suffer well and you can change the world.
I don’t know how to suffer well. There is too much fear in this unknown world, too much I love at stake. I’m learning, in small and simple ways. But consider those you admire, those who live with passion and intention – do they have a story of suffering? It may not be an outward, public brokenness, but I would venture to say that the world changers are well acquainted with grief. A seed must fall deep into the ground, breaking in the darkness of the damp earth before it can spring up and burst forth with life, full and new. And so the suffering of this broken life does not in itself bring about change, rather it is how the suffering is handled in the hands of the broken. Would you dare to rejoice in the suffering? Is it even possible?
“We rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.”
Romans 5:3-5
Emily I love this. It really touches my heart today. I’ve been struggling with brokenness for 6 years now, and I know that God is working through it. That my disappoint is His appointment. Before my “sin” that caused the brokenness, I was a perfectionist who was judgemental, cold, walked on others to get what I wanted, friendless and thought I didn’t need God although I called myself a Christian. My brokenness brought loneliness, shame and guilt, but it also brought humility and forgiveness. And through it all, I have become more dependent on God realizing that I need Him and His grace more than anything else in this life. I am a stronger and more loving woman because of it all. And when I’m not hurting from the past and falling prey to the old lies, I can rejoice about it. I am still struggling, but He is still working and holding onto me. Thank you for this post.
So glad you shared here. People often discount the suffering that comes from what WE do, as though it’s not a valuable teacher like unearned suffering. In my own life, it’s often been the suffering because of my choices that has changed who I am for the better, like you shared. Blessed by your honesty. That’s such a gift.
Thank you, as always Emily, for these words. They were truly spoken to my heart this morning. I always struggle to make sense of the suffering, when instead I should just shift my focus to finding peace in it.
Beautiful. Your words…”learn to suffer well and you can change the world”… have spoken to my heart this day and I just pray that they continue to sink in deep. Thank you!
JOYfully in Him,
Kelli
Thank you for this today. I do want to protect my kids from suffering and pain but then I realize that He reveals my calling through the pain and I do want them to know who they are, how He wants to use them. Realize I wouldn’t even be a writer today without the kind of suffering I have endured.
I’ve been dealing with this a lot lately with my oldest daughter, former foster child and troubled with bipolar and attachment issues around her early history. She constantly asks me why God would let her life go as it has… why not heal her completely? It’s been so strong a teaching moment for me to be able to grapple with that longing on her behalf. God is crafting a powerful testimony of His love in her suffering (she’s already a prayer warrior for kids who are “different” at school)… but it’s HARD as a mom to let the suffering and chiseling happen. Praying for strength for us both in this today!
Wow – truly beautiful and so true. Suffering well is something that I admire in both my dad and my now-rejoicing-with-Jesus grandpa. There was a lady a church whose dr told her she had cancer…her immediate prayer was, “Lord, let me do this well.”. That really stuck with me and comes to mind whenever I start to panic and think, “God, I can’t do this!”.
I JUST bought you book finally. It was so fun to see it on the shelf (prominently displayed too!) . I can’t wait to finally read it.
P.s. Love that you quoted Kathleen Kelly. Perfect movie. =)
My heart says it again – Amen! Every post this week, right where I am, just what I needed. Thank you, Emily, for your faithfulness to speak.
*This* is such a profound post and such incredible worship. When we look beyond ourselves and See purpose in it all, and choose gratitude, we are worshiping so beautifully!
You challenge me, Emily.
She really has a knack for challenging us, doesn’t she? Nice to meet another who seeks that out!
I have the best God story for you about Meg, but I would need to email you or tell you next week, live and in person.
P.S. This post reminds me of Much Afraid. Are you familiar with her?
I think this is truly the only way to change the world. The world is broken and messy and painful. If we get close enough to someone else to truly bring about change, we are going to feel some of that hurt. It is far easier to feel the pain, embrace it, allow God to give us His grace through it and fill us with His power, than to live our lives trying to be free of it. That will never happen anyway and it only slows us down. You have such a good perspective on this topic of changing the world, such good thoughts that I want to ponder and savor and come back to again. Thanks so much for writing. I’m learning a lot!
I think it’s possible. Look at “Gitz.” She rejoiced in the suffering. I struggle with it. But continually try.
Suffering requires endurance, or we are lost. When we face difficult times, wouldn’t it be easy to simply pull the covers back up over our heads and stay in bed where we feel safe, sheltered? To not have to get up and try to find the strength to face whatever it is that’s causing us to suffer? To not have to pull from somewhere deep within ourselves and somehow endure? And to rejoice in the face of hardships, instead of too easily feeling abandoned by our heavenly Father, who tells us to believe in Him, that he has hope and plans for us, plans for a prosperous and safe future. That’s when all the strength and endurance we can muster is more important than ever. It is indeed “how the suffering is handled in the hands of the broken”. Thank you for your messages of hope, Emily. Blessings.
When I lived in China, I learned their term, ‘Eat Bitterness.’ The Chinese know how to do this all too well and while there’s a dark side to that mentality, the people I met there (even those who had no faith in God) seemed to be less shaken by tragedy than many I know here in the west.
I love Paul’s words…how he was ‘sorrowful yet always rejoicing.’ We should expect suffering this side of heaven but in Christ, there is always joy and hope peeking their faces around the corner.
Thankful for your words, Emily.
Emily, Thank you for your words, or God’s words through you! “It is how suffering is handled in the hands of the broken. ” Love that. Words to ponder on. My new favorite quote to live by, is from you yesterday “Don’t let your easily offended critics set your agenda.” Obvious slight modification
You have no idea how much this blessed my heart and restored my sight in a particularly challenging/learning area of my life!
This is such a difficult thing…to find joy in your suffering, to let your suffering make you look more like Christ. So much of this, I’m convinced, has to do with our expectations. I claim promises from God that He did not make (comfort, living to see my grandbabies, having my children live long lives) and fail to claim much richer promises that God did make (being made His child, being lavishly loved, knowing and being made like Him)!! Thank you for this.
Lately I feel like you are writing these posts just for me. I kind of open the blog with all kinds of hesitation, afraid that today you are going to ask me to do something I don’t feel like I can do. Then…boom, you’ve read my mind and answer it.
That’s God – using Emily to change the world.
Suffer…before I read this I was just asking God why he couldn’t just fix things already. Enough suffering! Then…this blog. Truth well spoken, a gentle river washing over my pain, encouraging me to suffer well. If only learning this were not such a struggle. But I can learn, I am learning, to make space for His healing. After all He can only heal the things I KNOW are broken. Oh, I get it – I want to fix, He wants to heal…healing generally takes time.
i love this: “A seed must fall deep into the ground, breaking in the darkness of the damp earth before it can spring up and burst forth with life, full and new.”
we talk about this in raising our children. it’s through our struggles that we develop character. so, if we protect them from struggles, how do they develop character? it’s like muscles. or bones. they need to be stressed to grow strong.
xo
Yes, it is possible to rejoice in suffering. It is hard, but I have been learning to have joy in suffering. I recently wrote a couple of posts about this for my 31 Days of Joy series. It is possible to rejoice in suffering because God uses it for our good. He grows us in times of suffering. We develop character traits, such as perseverance, in times of trial that we just can’t when life is easy.
One thing that has especially brought me join in times of suffering is the promise in 2 Corinthians 4:17, “For we know that our light and momentary trials are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.” If we remain faithful in times of suffering then our reward in Heaven will be greater than if we had never suffered at all. Is it hard right now? Certainly! But in light of eternity, these momentary troubles are more than worth it! The weight of our reward will so far outweigh the lightweight trials of today.
Oops. I meant “One thing that has especially brought me joy…” Sorry for the typo.
LOVE THIS TOPIC!!
Why are we so afraid to suffer in our modern culture? or maybe it’s just in America?
I don’t know . . . but I do know that it is “through much tribulation” that we enter the Kingdom (Acts 14:22). Jesus — called our “Forerunner” because we are to run after Him, “as He is, so are we in this world” (1 John 4:17) — was a man of sorrows, acquainted with grief (Isa. 53:3). In fact, He learned obedience through suffering . . .
Even He.
So why not us?
Why do we expect a life without such a dear friend . . . ? (The suffering, I mean.)
Thank you, Emily.
Not an easy topic to address, but SO glad you did.
This is EXACTLY the lesson He is teaching me NOW.
And finally, after fighting for SO LONG, I am really starting to say THANK YOU!
I just want to hug you right now…..
I have been wondering how resilient I would be to real persecution lately. When I was in my teens and early twenties I thought..quite naiively that I would be fine in one of those persecuted nations but now I am older I know I am soft and like a life of relative comfort. If it happens that we are ever persecuted Ipray that the Lord would give me strength to endure for Him, ‘cos now I know it won’t happen in my own strength. Really, can we do anything that honours Him, except in the grace and strength of the Holy Spirit?
I need that
Really, I can’t even say much on this one because it hits so close to home. Just, thank you. Thank you for always writing words of hope, beauty, and redemption.
this is so true and so hard. when my children
went through hard moments in high school,
i would ask them, “is this something you can
change?” usually not. then, “honey, you
just have to lay into the hurt. avoiding it
only postpones it at the best, prolongs it
at the worst. suffering can lead to beauty.”
they never liked that much but understand
it now.
“learn to suffer well and you can change the world”…
How profound this is… and how true, and how terribly hard. I do not suffer well — I want to learn and grow and live the gospel, as long as it doesn’t hurt too much. But to be like Jesus, I need to learn to suffer… Jesus did… and because of his suffering, we are all saved today.
I am writing this on a post-it note, and placing it where I can see it. I want to remember, when it hurts too much, that suffering has its place, too, and without it, I’m just living a half-life. Thank you for your powerful words.
Emily…this is a topic we want to flee from. But…you brought it front and center. You have a way of doing just that. Without details, let me say, God allowed me to be broken. And now, 2 and a quarter years later, he has moved us to a new spot to meet new people and do new things for him. Yes…I will rejoice. He does work all things together for our good. Rom 8:28. Until this experience….I never understood that verse. I do now.
Looking forward to seeing the goodness (because of the change – in my heart & location) in the days and years ahead.
So powerful – those who I know personally who are changing the world – their world around them both here in the States and globally, both their immediate families and perfect strangers – have suffered much, so much, but have suffered well. It is a scary thing to pray – to learn to suffer well.
I didn’t read this until today. God’s perfect providence, as it turns out. I came to your post, tearful and angry because things I want to happen don’t happen, and here was your challenge and your encouragement. And still I fight, because, honestly, I want what I want, and what I want is not really to change the world. So no, I don’t know how to suffer well, either, but God is teaching me, “in small and simple ways,” as you say. And this post is one of them. Thank you.
Meg Ryan didn’t say that, Kathleen Kelly, played by Meg Ryan in You’ve Got Mail, said that. Pet peeve.