We stand at the top of the John Hancock building in Chicago, stare down at the toy cars moving along Lake Shore Drive. It’s a Lego city with matchbox cars and pretend water from the bathtub. There’s a Barbie swimming pool on the top of a Lego building (do you see it there in the corner?) and I stand there knowing it’s real but feeling oddly like a giant person. I’m Godzilla and the city is pretend and any moment I will take a step and squash it all. Watch me lift my foot! But when I do, I lose my balance and step far away from the window because I’m not Godzilla and the building I stand in is real and I took the 45 second elevator ride to the top that proves it.
The city takes my breath away. I know it’s all concrete and right angles and gray and brown and processed. But maybe that’s the amazing part in a way. People made this, made these buildings to touch the sky. And here I stand, in midair, looking down at all those people, all those cars holding all those people with all their stories. They all have stories, don’t they?
My girl is nervous in the city – the sirens, the horns, the bustling across busy streets, all those revolving doors. Nothing stays still long enough for her to figure it out. Each time we enter an elevator she grabs us all for fear we’ll be crushed by the doors. I watch her as we enter the hotel, relief lowers her shoulders. She needs space for her soul to breathe and she can’t find it in the city. She’s glad we’re only visiting.
I marvel at my fascination with the whole thing. I’m an introvert wearing extrovert’s skin. I smile here, feel the pulse, settle in to the pace. I come alive with the movement, the lights, the color. Things are happening here. Opportunities feel touchable here. But possibility can talk the ears off a billy goat, so after a few days, I want to crawl under the bed and hide. I want to cradle my head in my hands and breathe the quiet in deep all the way to my fingertips.
We fly away and now I stand alone, boots on sugar, January wind whips straight through the quiet. I’m not Godzilla now; I’m tiny, mini, small. I stand at the edge of the world and wonder how anyone who comes here could ever bring themselves to leave.
Because just look at that. I am microscopic, invisible. I want to fill my soul up with beauty enough to last a week, find that water blue on a paint chip and color the world Sea. The kids are back in Charlotte with Mom and my husband stands where he’s been for the last ten years – right by my side. We say nothing for a long time because what is there to say? How could I have ever felt alive in the city when there’s this? I am sand-small tiny, in awe of this beauty. I feel myself relax with the pace of this place.
Yes, that’s what it is – the pace. Pace implies rhythm, and rhythm implies movement and isn’t that what we need? I need both city-life and sea-living and all the familiar things of home that come in between. I am not all introvert quiet or all extrovert energy. I am small and big, loud and quiet, thankful. I am not just one thing, don’t fit in the corner of a box. Live in your seasons, take the breaths you need, keeps eyes wide open when you can and close them tightly when you need to. This life is a gift and the giver is God and we live full in each season as it comes.
Lovely.
Addie Zierman´s last [type] ..Proverbs 31 Woman (Re-imagined)
Yes, life is a gift and God is the giver…living life fully according to His will.
Thanking you for this post Emily.
All good things,
Charina
Charina @ Pondered Thoughts´s last [type] ..A Father’s Love Letter
We’re all this and more. You put words to the thoughts that most can only glimpse in the corners of our minds.
Southern Gal´s last [type] ..The Everyday
It’s a great reminder that we are not just one thing, one way, or in one season forever. Your post seems to say “just be” – wherever you are today… “just be.” I think about Jesus, feeding the multitudes, healing, talking to crowds, sitting with his disciples, so much travel – and then he retreated to quiet places too. He defines us ultimately – and it seems to me that His life, His vibrant life in me trumps all of my attempts to put myself “into the corner of a box” as you say. His life is boundless and so we should be open to all He has for us. And He’ll be with us each step anyway.
I am not just one thing – wife mother daughter sister friend and I cannot fit myself into the corner of a box, either.
Beautiful.
Blessings today as you stretch your wings even further…
I love the contrast here, and the way it exposes your heart, and am grateful for you painting it all our here, Emily. I so desperately need that reminder to embrace each season, to roll with the rhythms. This year is all about embracing rhythms, making stillness an everyday destination, to form muscle memory for my soul so that in the midst of big city days, I can stop and soak in sea breeze truth.
Annie´s last [type] ..Fish & Friends Lunch : Little Ways to Say I Love You
well you just said in one sentence what this whole post was about: “This year is all about embracing rhythms, making stillness an everyday destination, to form muscle memory for my soul so that in the midst of big city days, I can stop and soak in sea breeze truth.” Yes, this. Thank you for summarizing this for all of us. Lovely.
emily freeman´s last [type] ..for when you can’t define yourself
In her book, Pilgrimage of a Soul, Phileena Huertz uses the term “muscle memory” to talk about contemplative prayer, and the way silence and solitude shape us to be able to embrace the small, still voice of Jesus in the midst of the active life. I’m devouring her book right now, and this post resonated so much with all I’m soaking in from it. Thanks for these timely words, Emily!
I love reading your words in the morning. I can relate to this because I often feel like a chameleon, adapting to my surroundings.
Maryea @ Happy Healthy Mama´s last [type] ..New year’s resolution: master homemade sandwich bread
“Live in your seasons, take the breaths you need, keeps eyes wide open when you can and close them tightly when you need to.” Oh how my heart resonates with this!! Beautiful!!
Mary@The Calm of His Presence´s last [type] ..Joy Dare
That’s what grabbed me too, Mary! I think Emily stated in a sentence the heart of Paul – what it really means to be content in all things. What peace that brings!
Laurie Wallin´s last [type] ..Repainting Your Life
“live in your seasons” yeah. i fight them so hard sometimes. joy will come with the living….
kendal´s last [type] ..what is your it?
Good post. One of the things I have most fought against in life in being forced to fit inside one particular, little box of anyone’s making.
Chicago energizes me. I’ve always felt I could produce great work there.
I adore this. I think too often I try to box myself, so that I can know who I am. Like somehow that will help. But the truth is, I don’t think I should define myself. I should just be, and enjoy, and if some of those things are opposite eachother…then that’s okay. Thanks for helping me to see that it’s okay.
Katie C´s last [type] ..some holiday monday random.
Oh, this is beautiful! Energy from the city, peace from the shore, and learning to live fully in the balance between the two. Love how you expressed this!
Emily´s last [type] ..Photo of the Week: One
I love this:
Live in your seasons, take the breaths you need, keeps eyes wide open when you can and close them tightly when you need to.
Such an awesome post Emily…
Bernice
Living the Balanced Life´s last [type] ..9 posts for the overwhelmed and overworked
It takes a little more effort to find quiet in Chicago … but it is here, too. Next month I will be at Cannon Beach and that is a different kind of quiet. Both are so lovely.
Fondly,
Glenda
Glenda Childers´s last [type] ..Those Pesky Goodbyes
I’m so very grateful for these true words of reassurance this morning…and for all the breathless (and breath-filled) beauty of your photographs! Thank you dear Emily! I’ve just received a blessing.
Spree´s last [type] ..dark and light and snowy white
Ah, so we don’t have to figure it out completely? Just find the rhythm, listen to the seasons. Beautiful encouragement, a deep breath of fresh air. Thank you. Powerful photos.
Maureen´s last [type] ..His Blueprint
I am constantly amazed at the way the Father uses your words to answer the immediate questions of my heart. Thank you for this Emily. I, at my advanced age, so often find myself looking for “me.” The truth of your words finds its way into my heart – there are seasons; there are rhythms; there are different places and times. He is forever making things new.
Linda´s last [type] ..Quiet
Love this one. You’re right- I need to remember to live fully in whatever season I’m in. God gives us all seasons for a reason!
Katie´s last [type] ..A New Thing
That’s what stuck out for me too. I think Emily stated in a sentence the heart of Paul – what it really means to be content in all things. What peace that brings!
Laurie Wallin´s last [type] ..Repainting Your Life
Beautiful, thanks!
Love the post! Seems like you guys had a chance to enjoy the city! I was so excited to see your pics – It’s my favorite – but then we live in the area so we’re a little biased
.
Christine Trevino´s last [type] ..Easy Birthday Banner
I’m in a season of letting go, having put my little boy on an airplane yesterday to send him back to college in that big city in your pictures. I cried off and on during the day yesterday and texted my friend in North Carolina to ask how soon it would be warm enough to go to the beach there. The beach is such a healing place.
I think maybe you were living inside my head yesterday.
Nancy´s last [type] ..New Songs of Celebration
“This life is a gift and the giver is God and we live full in each season as it comes.” I love this. Oh to live FULL in each season as it comes, teach us LORD. Thank you Emily for a beautiful post. Destin is one of my favorite places and you took me there today. Thanks.
love*every*word.
living in the prelude to stepping out in faith…putting on the armor…lifting the sword…desiring to “pull back the veil” for a few weary and bloodied souls.
adornedlife´s last [type] ..ready
I love the contrast of worlds but the same person living it. How complex is the world and how great to love your place in it. Beautifully done.
Excellent post. Love the contrast.
Heidi Blankenship´s last [type] ..The Topic? Awake. Five Minutes. Let’s Discuss.
Yes, yes, yes! I live right outside of Chicago, but grew up in Jacksonville, Fl. I love both places. So much to do in the city – possibilities galore. When we lived IN the city (for a time, just 2 blocks east of the Hancock) I had such a hard time RESTING! So much movement, so much to do…. I didn’t want to miss anything. The beach is the one place my heart and mind so easily calm down. So much space, and such a solid rhythm, like you said. We are likely moving back to Fl., so I will once again be near my beloved Atlantic Ocean. And yet, I will so miss the excitement of life here. Thankful for the seasons, and how God blesses my family and lead us in His path.
I adore your last photograph -stunningly beautiful. Thank you for this post.
Nics Cahill´s last [type] ..Breathe – 15
I too stand in the city, and look at the lights – behind each one a person, a story, I wonder what that is? I glanced around in New York City recently, trying to be in the moment, yearning more than anything to be at the beach, with mountains behind me, and sea surrounding me on three sides. The salt water of the ocean, brings healing, and freedom, and space. There is nowhere I would rather be in the world.
Nics Cahill´s last [type] ..Breathe – 15
This was wonderful.
It is a gift to be able to see God moving and breathing in the quiet and in the noise. One we don’t search out near enough. He is always near if we open our eyes and ears to receive Him. Thanks for the reminder.
Shannon B.´s last [type] ..Beating a dead horse
I get this. I really do. Because I feel possibility and excitement in different places and in different seasons. In a way I’m sort of living that right now. I’ve recently made a huge change and and life is just so different. I’m still trying to find home here. Sometimes it takes a while to find your way around.
Scooper´s last [type] ..The Year of Simplicity: Decisions & School Daze {Part 1}
This is beautiful. I love what you said and the way you said it. Thank you for the gentle reminder to live and ENJOY each moment and each season.
Candy
candydawn´s last [type] ..Recipe: Salmon Chowder
What a beautiful post. Like Candy mentioned above your post was a reminder to live and enjoy each moment and each season of life. While it’s not always easy to enjoy rough times in life, God has taught us to be content wherever we are. Again, your words in this post were so beautiful and I couldn’t have said it better if I wrote it myself!
My husband and I were just discussing my desire to have a loft in a city and a run-down farmhouse in the country. You said it better. So beautifully said, Emily. It made my heart ache that ache of connection.
Oh, how I can relate to this. I have been to London, Phoenix, and Houston in the last month and actually Chicago got cancelled in early December. But on the way home, flying above the clouds my mind wandered back to home in my little seaside town in South Carolina (that looks an awful lot like your photos!) and I realize that my home is where Christ dwells. In the small and the large. Love them both. Wrote about it in one of my latest posts. I feel like we are often on the same page with our thoughts, but maybe that is common for your followers.
Just lovely, Emily. We are simple beings, yet so complex.
Thank you for sharing your word-art with us.
I love the way you write!
My husband grew up in that area. I went visiting with him and know what you mean. I am an outdoors woman and yet standing on the Sears Tower or walking the Miracle Mile or even Navy Pier I feel lost in the noise. Where are my mountains? Where are the trees that make the wind sound like ocean waves? Beautiful post and pics as usual!
Nikole Hahn´s last [type] ..Book Review: Indelible