The good girl speaks loudly today. She is a cloak of shame and a ball of fire and a pointy finger and an evil laugh. She is rude and polite and two-faced and genuine and knows just how to push my buttons. I kind of hate her. And also want to be her. I will never out run that book I wrote.
When you write a book about a good girl learning to let go of the try hard life, you’d better believe that yours are the hands with the whitest knuckles. This life is not stair-climbing, getting closer to the top with every glad step. It’s more like an onion, peeling back the layers of lies and regrets and misconceptions.
Last week, my husband and I stood by the sea, heads weary from the travel, hands open with time to spare, and we didn’t have much to say. It was lovely. Still, I felt pressure to make the most out of our time. Production followed me to the shore, tapping on my shoulder, waiting to be checked off my to-do list. It took a full day to shake him. And even then, it was a fight. I have a disease, I think to myself. I am addicted to producing things.
We are tethered to our own usefulness, big-headed with our own accomplishments, crushed by our shortcomings. We miss the soul breath. We miss the smallness, the doorway through which we must walk to find freedom from the ever moving treadmill of time. Even if we steal time from our productivity to find the sitter, pack the bags, pay the money, sit through the layovers and fly to the shore to relax, sometimes once we get there we forget how. And I realized as I tapped my foot on sand that I have shed my truest identity. Instead of being the beloved, I feel more like the doloved.
How do you calm a life of activity? How do you shake the guilt of rest? How do you smooth the frayed edges and loose ends that wave frantic in your face? To start? Don’t just look at that comfortable chair. Sit in it. Poke a hole in the bucket of time and let the minutes spill onto your lap. And as you do, consider this: you are loved. So be the loved. Fake it if you have to, the being. Because you are loved, so even when you fake it you’re not faking it because it’s true. Read page 44 slow. And then read it again, slower.
We know by heart, take out the trash, sort the laundry, submit the article, call the teacher. We may even know be kind, be patient, be loving. But what about the gift? Be loved. It doesn’t come natural or easy, but it does come. He did come. Take your time to consider God’s gracious love toward you. Let him show up refreshingly new. Item number 20 on the list today?
It just might change everything.
Be the loved. So simple and extraordinary. And that’s just what you do best, Emily ~ bring us {show us!} the simple extraordinary.
On another note, your beach pics are always my fave. Love you! xo
Kristen-Chasing Blue Skies´s last [type] ..How You Know There Is a Light at the End of the Tunnel
As someone fighting this same battle, your post brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for writing this today, and thank you My Sweet and Loving Lord who forced me gently to stop scrubbing the floors in a frenzy and sit down and catch up on the blogs I read. Changing from a person who burns my candle at both ends AND the middle is such a battle mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. I pray for us both on this journey
“This life is not stair-climbing, getting closer to the top with every glad step. It’s more like an onion, peeling back the layers of lies and regrets and misconceptions.”
Absolutely.
And the peeling back of layers might bring a few tears, but at least we’d be living better, more honestly, more free…
I’ll take the time to peel back those layers for the sake of reaching that part of my heart that tells me to be the loved.
I think I might have a better chance of seeing my Jesus there, rather than at the top step of some success ladder.
Thanks, Emily!
Rae´s last [type] ..a cup of tea.
you have been a light of encouragement to me, Emily. Though you may feel that you are an addict of production, some of us (me) are gluttons for procrastination and non-productivity or, even worse, dis-productivity, if that makes sense. And I appreciate your breaths of calm inspiration into my wretched little life. thank you for your heart of honesty and genuine beauty Emily
Oh goodness, my heart needed this badly. Thank you so much Emily.
mandie @ moxiemandie´s last [type] ..The No Brainer Wardrobe (a giveaway)
This? Yes, so much. Thank you.
Smiling because I really was thinking of my word for the year being “Sleep” – then I thought “Rest” sounded more spiritual. And then the guilt set in…
so many miles for this Good Girl to go.
Stacey´s last [type] ..The Joy Dare
You are so funny! That line is one of my theme songs, especially back when all the kids were little…and miles to go before I sleep…and the guilt when we can never even begin to get it all done. I think sleep is a good word for the year – go for it!
This post hit so close to home. I think I gave the same disease!! Oh my word, thank you for sharing your words. I often feel that I simply cannot be still and just rest. What an encouraging post-
{groping for a “super-dooper-likey” button}
tammy@meadows speak´s last [type] ..when the stillness seems too much
I’m almost finished with your book, and I have to say it’s influencing so much of my thinking and writing these days. I’m also hearing sermons differently, hearing more about what God has done and is doing in me as opposed to what I should be doing. The challenge, as you say, is to live as though these things are true.
Nancy´s last [type] ..The Carnival
I love the way your writing speaks directly to my heart. And, I must also admit, I feel some jealousy in the way you seem to be telling my story in a way that’s so much better than I can ever seem to string together. I suppose it’s part of the “good girl” thing and striving to be better and stronger and more – every single minute of the day. What a wonderful idea to add to the to-do list today – Be the Loved. I will endeavor to remember it.
Kim´s last [type] ..I’ll Take Pie, Not Pi
oh, yes.yes.yes.yes! I just did this for the week with my husband. It was SO uncomfortable at first for me, and the more it made me fidget to not multi-task, the more I realized I needed to pull back from it when I got back home. I fell into those end days, not writing, only reading, sitting, not thinking, sitting in the sweet silence that a marriage can afford. We rarely get time together, and a week alone, I had to fight the urge to deep dive into conversations that I felt we should be having to “make the most of our time.” Instead, I allowed him to take my hand, and just sit. And allowed life to have all of me for a spell. It made all the difference.
Tara@pohlkottepress´s last [type] ..Strands of Life {dripping sweet and full of joy}
The other day I heard Chuck Swindoll speaking about this very thing. He used the example of someone preparing for us a wonderful meal – all the things we love most. We come; we eat. It is all just perfect, and then we reach into our pocket and say, “How much do I owe you?” Imagine how hurt that would hurt the one who had given such a lovely gift.
I am so guilty of doing exactly that. I know it is a priceless gift and yet I can’t seem to stop trying to somehow earn it.
You always speak to my heart Emily.
Linda´s last [type] ..Increase/Decrease
Oh ouch! That’s a great analogy. I’m going to remember that one!
Laurie Wallin´s last [type] ..3 Tools That Send Insecurity Running
Oh dear – that should read “imagine how MUCH that would hurt…” If I would only learn to edit…
Linda´s last [type] ..Increase/Decrease
I think of the hymn, …”dressed in His righteousness, alone, faultless to stand before the throne . On Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand.” It is not what we do, not the “good” that we put on. It is Him. Alone. As always, though, I need this reminder. Thank you! Can you hear me taking a deep breath of relief?
oh, my wish-I-knew-you-in-real-life friend…
I read this, right after I was going through my mental list of to-do’s. Don’t know why I sat down here before I actually got to doing it all… but now I’m thinking that it must’ve been God that sat me down to read this, I am thankful He did.
So… going to make coffee, and then sit. And then read. Slow.
Carissa´s last [type] ..Miscellany Monday
The good girl rears her ugly head around here a great deal. And this is what I needed to read today. In fact, I know the Lord has directed me to three different blogs with a similar message because of the fight I had going on in my mind last night. It’s pretty amazing how He knows exactly what we need when we need it.
Southern Gal´s last [type] ..On My Way to One Thousand Gifts
I see Carissa feels the same way, posting at the exact minute I did!
Southern Gal´s last [type] ..On My Way to One Thousand Gifts
Hahaha, oh Southern Gal… yup!
Hugs to you! I’ve been amazed by the way He knows what we need, too… and not only does He know, He counsels us in it… 
(and how cool that he can use people who live states away to do that, too!)
Carissa´s last [type] ..Miscellany Monday
Wow. Thank you. It’s my name, you know – Amanda means Beloved. And I need the reminder to be loved, to stop trying so hard and just accept the gift. Pinning this to remember over and over…
I love this: “So be the loved. Fake it if you have to, the being. Because you are loved, so even when you fake it you’re not faking it because it’s true.”
I long to live as the beloved, to sit still in it, and soak it up, and to get up and keep walking in it too. Thanks for these true words today, Emily.
Annie´s last [type] ..On Vivid Colors Bleeding & Love Painted Here
Deep breath.
Yes.
I read this and then noticed that I am trying to earn the being loved by being employed.
I am loved. I am not employed (and I have been Not Employed for a very long time). There are plenty of things about being unemployed that are uncomfortable, but for the first time I get that I think the love is going to run out unless employment kicks in. That’s something incredibly uncomfortable to sit with (in a good way).
Thank you.
yes, Michelle! Yes. Sometimes it seems when I am in my most uncomfortable places is where I learn the very most about my own belovedness. Bless you in the knowing.
Dear Emily…
I love this idea.
Kind of.
I also hate it. You know why? Because I’m feeling the call … Knowing I need to respond … And don’t.know.how.
How to slow while everyone speeds up and runs past me?
How to rest when the second law of thermodynamics sometimes seems the only law in effect in my full house?
How to be when doing is more comfortable, and being doesn’t ever seem enough?
The answers are in my heart, I know.
Now if I could only slow down long enough to find them …
Thank you.
Misty Krasawski´s last [type] ..Girls’ Turn! Mission Trip to Costa Rica!
onion peeling! YES! It’s exactly the perspective I’ve had for the past four years!
Amy Hunt — a {Grace} full *life*´s last [type] ..the hard thanks of a working mom
I think the frequent tears really help solidify the metaphor for me.
Jennifer Dawn McLucas´s last [type] ..The Good Wife’s Guide
good one!
Wow, Emily. This is beautiful. I love the line, “We are tethered to our own usefulness, big-headed with our own accomplishments, crushed by our shortcomings. We miss the soul breath.” There is so much more beauty in the “be-loved” than the “do-loved”. Thank you for sharing.
I needed this… So many things – pressing. Yes, even the burden to write… To write… I can’t let go. It follows me – it haunts me.
I’m so encouraged to keep plodding on – attempting to take “rest” and cast my burdens at His feet, for in Him we will find rest.
Lexie N.´s last [type] ..Introducing “Posy”!
Yes! Thank you so, so much for telling me it’s OK to fake it, because frequently lately I’ve had to fake it. I might be physically just “being” but in my head I’m “doing” a lot. It feels like it’s not authentic enough, but right now it’s the best I’ve got. Knowing something is true and feeling like it’s true are not the same thing. Here’s hoping that if I know it long enough I’ll start to feel it too. Thanks Emily.
Jennifer Dawn McLucas´s last [type] ..The Good Wife’s Guide
It’s so true Jennifer – keep up the faking until it becomes second nature. It really will. And the enemy wants so badly to lie to us and say those first steps in good change aren’t worth it or aren’t real. They ARE real. You’re practicing the right walk with Him. So glad you said something about this. It’s what I resonated with in the post too. That affirmation of even the littlest nods toward good in life!
Laurie Wallin´s last [type] ..3 Tools That Send Insecurity Running
emily,
on tuesday’s when i set aside time to think and write i go over to your blog to be reminded of the journey, the invitation, the grace in becoming….
today i wrote this http://www.suzshaw.blogspot.com/2012/01/come-sit-for-while/html
and then read this post.
jesus reminding me to sit. rest. in writing (rather life) my bent is to produce instead of discover, killing the very thing he longs to give me and i long to offer.
thank you so very much for this…
Wrote a post today on this same topic — deciding to declare for myself a year of no, instead of all the yesses I see around the Internet lately. Breathing deep and realizing that for all the striving, what really nourishes, what is really important is only found when I give myself the peace and pace of surrender, of laying down the “do” in order to “be”, and the danger in missing the good stuff when I let my to-do list get the best of me.
Cara @ WhimsySmitten´s last [type] ..A Year of No
Your post, was ringing in my ears when I read this today, Cara. Coupled together they spoke right to my heart.
Now I’ve got to go read Cara’s post…
Oh Emily! I am just in tears reading your sweet words. They are comfort to my soul today. A day where I have so much to do and this huge struggle to not do but rest and swell with my children, husband and Lord. We just found out our nine year old son needs open heart surgery and right away, like next week. We found out Friday. Our world is spinning with things and emotions and stuff I can’t begin to keep up with. I want someone else to do it all so I can just be, so I can deeply feel what I start to feel but shove aside because there is no time. I keep hearing the Lord say he loves my son more that my simple mind can fathom but do I hear him saying that to me, that he loves me more than I can dream? I haven’t stopped long enough to hear him sing over me with joy and comfort my heart. Your words are what I needed today, what I have needed for days… thank you, thank you, thank you.
I am in a puddle over this, Sarah Joy – truly. You, your son, your family. Oh, be loved – be the loved! You are, so much. I’m so glad you came.
Emily- had to come back to tell you that all I can hear in my ear today is “how he loves me” … a constant reminder to dwell in his love and safety and s-l-o-w down despite the list of things needing to be done. I had to say thank you again for your words.
I haven’t read your book yet but gave it to my sister for Christmas. I plan on getting a copy before Thursday so I have it to read in the hospital! You are such an encouragement.
Emily,
You words allowed me to really enjoy this moment in my life in two ways. Today, as I read your kind words, I loved watching the sunset from my beautiful apartment. I am very grateful I stumbled upon your peaceful and joyous blog. Also, I am so loving my journey in my career and I am very grateful to be reminded how to be loved and just be at peace.
Thanks and hope to stop and read more,
Elizabeth
needed that. feeling guilty right now for relaxing when there is so much to DO! and “be-ing the loved” doesnt come easily either. Thanks for sharing.
“Be the Loved.” This… so thankful for this Emily!
All good things,
Charina
Charina @ Pondered Thoughts´s last [type] ..Fill my cup Lord
Thank you, I really needed this today. I’ve been feeling overwhelmed to get it all done, make it all work, but have not been able to just sit and rest in God’s love. Thanks for the reminder.
Thank you! Definitely something that’s been echoing in my head and I needed this tidbit to push it further into a be-able reality.
“Poke a hole in the bucket of time and let the minutes spill onto your lap.”
HOW do you do this? From where does your variety of genius hail?
Shakin’ my dang head,
Star
Flower Patch Farmgirl´s last [type] ..Hometown Quirky: Exhibit A
Beautiful…I breath in…I exhale
Diane Bailey´s last [type] ..FALL UP STAIRS
This was what I needed, and while I want to swallow it whole, and just become this, I am constantly choking on the process. Transforming from “doloved” to “Being the Loved” feels most impossible in this moment…. however, I’m propping myself up on Phil. 4:13 reminding myself again and again that His strength is made perfect in my weakness, and that weakness in Him,… well, that’s a strong place to rest.
many thanks for this, Emily.
Kris´s last [type] ..1000 Thanksgivings
Amen girl! We are His beloved! Sometimes I have to say this to myself throughout the day over and over again.
Sarah´s last [type] ..Amazing Grace: Part Three
Thanks for putting into words that we all think throughout the day. Thinking a lot about “awakening”, contemplation, being present these days. It’s certainly a discipline.
kathryn´s last [type] ..Wee Delight
Oh wow. This is bringing tears to my eyes. I’m almost all the way done with Grace for the Good Girl. The “good girl” inside of me is saying “shame on you” because I should have been able to finish it months ago. However, through that book, I have learned to say “it’s okay that I’m not completely done with it because I am making progress and applying it. That’s what counts after all.” Thank you for sharing this. Thank you for writing the book.
Amy McCollister´s last [type] ..Multitudes #21-50
Oh, yeah!! Now, I remember. And it has nothing to do with what I accomplish.
What a relief!
i was sitting in the greeting area of church this afternoon waiting for the pastor. i needed some solid advice about courageous faith and abiding faith. i needed to know if my good girl, rule following was getting in the way of my God hearing. so there i was reading this post. thinking how your words always seep into my soul at the craziest moments. we went into his office and talked about my crazy off the wall plan. and then he said your same words. it’s ok to take care of you. it’s ok to be loved. it’s ok to love yourself so you can love others. thanks for your words as always. i guess, especially today, i was really supposed to HEAR that message.
meghan´s last [type] ..sorry
Thanks you, thank you for those words.
I so struggle with the need to produce. We could be out for a leisurely drive and I am trying to lead my husband the route that takes the least amount of time because “that’s efficient you know.”….He literally needs to remind me we are not in a hurry. It is so hard to just rest in His presence, recognizing that that rest is not laziness, but rather a spiritual discipline given to us for our good.
Oh to abide in that rest, that true nourishing rest He provides….and leave the to-do list unchecked, just for today!!!
Thank you for your writing, right into my soul today!
You wrote this for me today. xxoo
Bonita´s last [type] ..“Trusting God” Giveaway!
So needed this. thanks, emily for the gentle, yet convicting reminder. I want to learn to live in “the unforced rhythm of His grace.” Matthew 11:28 Message
This reminded me so much of “Gift from the Sea” by Anne Morrow Lindbergh. It blessed me. Thank you!
This is really beautiful. Such truth and so raw and real. Thank you for the reminder to just ‘be’ … be calm, be still, enjoy and let go.
Be the Loved is now added to my to-do list. THANK YOU.. just what I needed to hear today. You really are such an encourager!
- Mollie
I’m new to this blog and I don’t know that I’ll ever leave it. Beautifully written and hit so close to home! I am going to share this with my clients (and re-read it myself) to remind them of the power of just “be”ing and letting go of the perpetual to do list long enough to enjoy life just that much more. Thank you, very much for your beautiful insight.
Francesca´s last [type] ..Easy Eats : An Organization Story
I fight this battle every single day. I feel like if I don’t get the check list done, I can’t rest. I CAN’T! I mean, who can cook in a dirty kitchen? Who can relax in a living room strewn with toys and dust and dried cereal crumbs embedded into the carpet????
I am constantly fluctuating between “doing” and “being.” I never know when I’m supposed to be which. I know I have to “DO” at some point. If I don’t “DO” the laundry, no one has clean clothes. If I don’t DO the grocery shopping, no one eats. If I don’t “DO” my writing, no one knows the precious nuggets God whispered to me today.
I pray that at some point before I die, I find the balance between doing and being.
Sandy Cooper´s last [type] ..If I Could Ask One Thing of God Today
I am continually wrestling with this same beast…. the need to produce or consider myself useless. Loved your book, but need to keep it before me to remind me of my weakness. A dreary winter day and I will try to just be-loved. Thank you so much for challenging my thinking in these areas. You have truly shown a light on the real me…. some of it admirable and some not.
Linda´s last [type] ..Bring on the pansies!!!
I am with you there, Linda. And there is no “trying to be loved” There is only love. Love is. You are loved. The trying is in the believing of it.
emily freeman´s last [type] ..one thing not on your to-do list (but should be)
Loved this, Emily. God’s been teaching me, too, about living life loved. Resting and delighting in Him. He must be speaking the same thing to all of us!
xoxo
Jen in MN´s last [type] ..seek first
I thought you had me in the book at “fake Chattahoochee” but now you had me at “doloved.”
Thanks for expressing . . . so beautifully. If only I would stop going back to those half-lives, broken modes, and frantic efforts . . . just SHADOWS of what he really has for me. Today my six year old daughter is home sick with a fever, just SOAKING up my love and attention, resting and being a child, willing to be cared for. Even when I’m sick, I can’t rest. I can’t stop. Today, you’ve reminded me that I have to listen to my words to her and hear them–for myself– from my Father, “Just rest, honey. I’m here.”
Katrina´s last [type] ..Recipe: Poorganic Honey Whole Wheat Sandwich Bread
You can have no idea how I needed this just now, in this moment, today. THANK YOU.
Kelly Sauer´s last [type] ..His Presence, and the Rest
Frantic is the perfect adjective. It takes hold every mornings and grips me tightly the entire day. I took your advice Emily and applied it to reading your post. Initially I just skimmed it. Then I went back and read it in its entirety slower and finally, the third time even more slowly. Believe it or not, the roof didn’t come crashing down around my head…lol. I’ll have to find the time to try this trick again, maybe this time was just a fluke. Only kidding. I have to apply this principle not only to my “Do List, but also to the way I speak to God. I have to slow down and take the time and feel it in my soul. Well I had better get going. Blessing to you and yours.
Taking a deep breath; slowly, slowly uncurling my fingers from their survival-grip on my doings. Last month I found this verse, and I’ve been trying to live in it, carry it with me, let it inform all the doings:
“You are precious in my eyes, and honored, and I love you.” (Isaiah 43:4)
Thank you for reminding me.
While I know this was not the intent – this post made me both cry and smile. Cry because I am afflicted with this disease as well and smile as I an not alone. You have written, beautifully I might add, exactly what my weary soul needed to hear. Thank you. I am exhaling and planning to teach myself how not to “do” and simply “be”.
A million thank you’s…
OH, how I needed to read this, Emily… This has been a to-do list week and I’m learning to slow down and just bask in Him. To be loved…
Thank you for posting with such authenticity.
Katie´s last [type] ..Chopping Roots
We are heading off to the ocean in a few weeks … with a stack of books, music and a few movies. I decided to leave my computer at home. YIKES.
Fondly,
Glenda
Glenda Childers´s last [type] ..The Perfectly Imperfect Home ~ a book review
Emily,
Thank you for the reminder that first and foremost I am a human being,
NOT a “human doing”.
To shake the bonds of productivity! It’s a rush and it’s exhilarating to produce things. But that’s just it, it’s things. Thanks for this post. It was much needed today!
Leigh Ann @ Intentional By Grace´s last [type] ..Comment on Intentional Conversations: Is It Worth It? by Janice J
Girl, you are writing my thoughts big time. I fear I have the same addiction. And now that I’m taking a sabbatical of sorts, I realize just how “untethered” I feel. The goal right now is to rest, not to produce. And yet it’s hard to shake that frantic urge to do something with my time. My counselor recently told me that there’s a big difference between productivity and fruitfulness and I can’t stop thinking about it. Sometimes the most fruitful thing to do is to just be still and be loved, to rest up and heal up. That’s where I am…but my inner productivity-loving good girl is always peeking over my shoulder being her typical task-master self. Ugh.
I needed this post. Can you tell? Thank you. : )
Scooper´s last [type] ..Decisions & School Daze {Part 2}: Know Thyself
So very good!
Christy´s last [type] ..The Question
Oh my, Emily! I can so relate to this post. I, too, am addicted to producing things and am having to learn how to “be the loved.” I am reading your book where another “oh my” is in order. You are not alone in this struggle and I have a hunch we are not the only two : ) Thank you for writing and letting GOD use your journey to help me on mine. The GRACE message, if fully grasped, is amazing. I am HOPEFUL in 2012 I will take hold of GRACE and “be the loved.”
Pam´s last [type] ..Because Some Days HIS Words are All I Need to Say
Oh goodness! I just read this today. I love you so much! Your blog! Your words! This post! You are one special lady!
La Donna´s last [type] ..the job that takes more than a 2 weeks notice to quit
be the loved.
and we don’t have to earn it….in fact, we can’t.
oh, to live in this every.single.day.
be the loved.
just what i needed on this week.
tara´s last [type] ..WAIT, Part One of a looooooong series.
Be the loved. It may sound simple, but it takes a lot of effort and courage to do.
Gerald´s last [type] ..guitar software
such a beautiful msge.
I created some art with the same msge the other day.
love that photo by the sea.. u can see my art at my blog below!
http://www.bonitarose.com/2012/01/lovable.html
bonitarose
bonitarose´s last [type] ..Inspiration – Just Imagine
So true – thanks! We are headed for the beach in a week, and I will need to do the same. Stop, and just rest, leave my focus of “do-ing” … and Be Loved! Something I always need to focus on, on a daily basis, as well. You described it well …
Cherry´s last [type] ..Love this Room
oh my goodness. this is exactly where the Lord has me right now. thank you so much for these beautiful words! I want to cozy up next to a warm fire and wrap them around me! the Lord is really pressing on that area of my heart right now – the working, the striving, the performing. I’m learning to rest. isn’t it crazy that it’s something we sometimes have to LEARN?! the Lord is taking me back to my default. He didn’t create me to “do” continuously – I learned it. I think I’m going to print this entry out and carry it with me. love your words, Emily. you’re a blessing! thank you <3
caitlin´s last [type] ..Lyrics: Never Gonna Leave Me Dry
Emily, I am so glad, again that the Lord has brought me to your inspired words. How challenging it is to balance between the have to’s, want to, need to’s and rest. And just being. And just abiding. Your words are a balm. I am glad I stopped by again. And I will look forward to the words you will have on another day for this soul sister. Thanks for sharing your gift. I am still planning on sharing your loveless art/mediocre art piece on my blog and you’ll know when I do. Bless ya.
elizabeth´s last [type] ..Grace. Period.