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one thing you are never to say

February 29, 2012

Last weekend I spent time with some lovely women from a church nearby. It was an encouraging few days together and I’m thankful for the opportunity to be with them. I often refer to myself as a writer and that title comes fairly easily these days. But there is not a lot of time to think when you’re up on your feet, not to mention no delete button on the side of my face, so when I am asked to speak I am always very careful before I say yes. I would much rather listen.

I don’t expect you to pay attention to my calendar at all, but if you were to you would discover that the week before I prepare to speak, this sacred writing space grows ever empty. It takes every living ounce of courage and prayer to get me to a place of readiness before an event. It isn’t stage-fright, as over the years I believe I have grown to feel fairly comfortable in my own skin in front of people. I don’t have to imagine crowds wearing underwear. More, it is a sense of responsibility, a weighty understanding that I have been trusted to speak truth, to share honestly, and to lean my weight heavy on God.

And even though grace has been a game-changer for me, even though I walk most days to a rhythm of understanding that my life belongs to another and He is very fond of me, I still have to fight off the voice in my head before I speak to groups of women. And that voice says very clearly and without hesitation, Who do you think you are? When I try to hold on to my own life, when I am unwilling to let go of my try-hard efforts, when I have my sights set on outcomes rather than moments, I question and doubt and grab hold of insecurities.

If I allow myself to go very far down that road, it generally leads to an answer: You should be ashamed of yourself. Thankfully, I don’t sit there long anymore. I know truth and I fight with appropriate weapons. But when you begin to question your identity, the answer will always lead to shame. And we point our finger at ourselves and name ourselves disgraceful.

Shame discounts grace.

Shame is an agent of death.

Never speak shame into the life of another.

Never tell her she should be ashamed of herself. Never tell yourself that, either.

Should is a bully. Don’t give him power.

Speak life. Share compassion. Receive grace. And handle yourself tenderly.

Tagged Filed Under breathe, faith 35 Comments

because life is where you are

February 27, 2012

She and her husband waited for years to adopt a little one and they finally got the call. They left in a hurry, nursery still a storage room, presents freshly wrapped under their Christmas tree, fruit left to rot on the counter. They flew away to gather up into their arms this baby meant for them since before the creation of the world. My plan was to bring them some groceries to leave in their fridge before they returned home – just a couple of small things to get them through their first morning back.

On my way to the store, another friend called to see if I could bring her a few essentials. It was her first week home with both a toddler and her new baby as her husband went back to work. And as I pushed my cart through the grocery store, bananas for her, chicken for us, bread and milk for the others, the tears came quick and full. This cart is answered prayer. This cart is evidence of love.  These women are my community and these small gifts of food are the smallest tokens of support.

It felt like a gift to me, to run these errands for them. It felt like an honor to be close enough to them to be someone they call in a time of simple need. My in real life people, the women I live my life with, they are gifts. As much as I sometimes prefer to be alone, to keep my troubles close and my insecurities hidden, these women draw them out. They are necessary parts of my healing.

Stephanie asked on her blog, When was the last time you hosted your real life friends and business associates, together, to see what creative genius explodes? And I want to post a similar question for you: When was the last time you gathered your necessary parts, both the women who know you well and those women you wish you knew better, to see what kind of touchable relationship might be born?

(In)courage is attempting to make it easy for you to gather your community together. On April 28th, women all over the country (and the world!) will be hosting and/or attending their own (in)courage in real life conference in their living rooms, backyards, coffee shops, and churches. Want to know more? Lisa-Jo explains it well in this two minute video.

I love what Melissa says, “You don’t want to be vulnerable because you might get hurt. It’s actually a blessing when somebody else is vulnerable because then I have the chance to encourage.” I felt that way, pushing my cart through the grocery store. It wasn’t a grand gesture. It wasn’t a gaping wound I stepped in to heal. It was simply a quiet step towards community, a practical need being met, an easy errand for loved friends. But if we weren’t living life together, I never would have known their need. Perhaps this (in)courage (un)conference gathering could be a bench for you and others in your community to come and sit upon together. Visit the (in) real life website to learn more or to find a meetup near you.

Tagged Filed Under (in)courage, a friend 16 Comments

for your weekend

February 24, 2012

May trees that line the path of life bear fruit and flower and leaf. Or while you wait for straight sticks to sing, may you find peace in the stillness of knowing he is God and you are not. Though your faith may be shaken, may it not be shattered. Let His courage be your courage, His strength be your strength, His faith be enough for you both. May His presence bloom fullness of joy within you, and may you delight in His pleasures forever. Enjoy your weekend, friends.

Tagged Filed Under a prayer of blessing 14 Comments

Grace for the Good Girl :: $5!

February 22, 2012

So I’m browsing around the internets tonight and checked prices for my book. I do this sometimes, just to see if anyone is having a sale. And y’all. The jackpot. LifeWay has Grace for the Good Girl on sale for only $5. That’s almost 75% off! I had to share this great deal with you tonight because I don’t know how long it will last. I’m sure there is some awesome secret password internet handshake that most authors know to find out when and where their books will have sales. But I just bounce around to all the websites now and then to see what I can find. And also? I don’t think I’ve ever used a dollar sign or an exclamation point in a post title here at Chatting at the Sky. Records all around. Thank you for coming round here – it is always a gift to have you. And thank you LifeWay for the great sale!

Edited to add: I’ve been told that the sale will last until March 10. Thanks for the tip, Rachel from LifeWay!

Tagged Filed Under Grace for the Good Girl 41 Comments

the magic of light

February 21, 2012

We have a dog who ate the couch so now we have an empty-ish sunroom. He can’t reach the twinkle lights, so even though it’s kind of dorm room-y to nail lights to the walls and probably breaks every real-person decorating rule, I’m keeping them up because I like the way the room glows at night when they’re on. And I like how the soft light brings a little bit of magic to an otherwise empty room.

Light fills up the empty in ways perhaps nothing else can. To borrow the phrase from Christa Wells, it makes emptiness sing. I recently downloaded all 1,633 photos from my phone onto my computer. As I scrolled through every phone photo I have taken over the past year, I started to notice a pattern of light.

I chase light. I can’t not take pictures of the light. Be it a candle or a moon or a full-blown out sun, light is addictive. In the same way music inspires my writing, light inspires my photography. I think most people who enjoy taking photos would say something similar to that. It’s hard to capture light, impossible to hold it, freeze it, define it. Instead we mostly have to settle for capturing what light does. Like God, light warms and fills and lifts, even in the darkest hours. Especially in the darkest hours. It’s no wonder God is called the Father of the heavenly lights, that even the darkness is as light to Him. He named light and His name is Light.

I think of those tiny dots of light in my sunroom, and realize sometimes it’s embarrassing to talk about the things that inspire us. That’s foolish, they might say, stringing lights on your grown up walls. Who do you think you are, talking about inspiration anyway? Why do you need to be inspired? So we shy away from those little things that bring us joy and trade them in for things that are a bit more acceptable. Like a lamp.

Don’t let the judgments of the invisible people snuff out your inspiration. Beautiful things make the ugly a bit more bearable. Think of that evening you were driving home from work, weary from the dust of it. And through the trees to the left you saw the the swollen circle of an orange moon following your car like a magnet. She hung there in the sky, low and glowing, reminding you that even after that most difficult day, you are seen by the God who made you.

Think of his eyes by the light of the fire, of the candles that burned down low during dinner, of the patch of light on the living room floor that moves slow while you fold the towels. Think of the sun sliding graceful through a seasonal sky, reflecting off water and windows and snow. Embrace the small gifts that show up in your days, carrying joy in their tiny hands.

Much of the chatting at the sky that goes on here is because of the small gifts that inspire beauty. And so I’ve made a place for us where music has color, light holds magic, and words paint the world with grace. What are the little things that bring you joy and inspiration?

Tagged , Filed Under a photographer, faith 53 Comments

for your weekend

February 18, 2012

May the weariness in the world not wear off on your soul too much. May you see the beauty from your bedroom window, the magic in your front yard, and the playfulness in the eyes of those you love. And may you remember, though it may be hard at first, that sometimes the blurry mess holds the key to your contentment. You have been given the grace to see things differently. Use it. Enjoy your weekend, friends.

Tagged Filed Under a prayer of blessing 15 Comments

we don’t want your obligation

February 15, 2012

There is a covert bully who has launched a full-out attack on you. You don’t notice him because he disguises his voice with one that sounds like your mother, your friends, your co-workers, you. He pushes you around in guilt and fear and you listen like a robot, doing things you don’t want to do.

The bully is Should, and it’s time to slay him dead.

How many hours have you wasted worrying about things you should be doing? How many harsh words have you spoken, not against injustice, but because you were frustrated over not living up to an expectation? Do you really want to color-code your closets or do you just think you should? Did you really want to hand-make those Valentine’s cards? Do you really want to cook a five-course meal for your in-laws? Do you really want to finish those baby books? Do you really want to clean the grout with a toothbrush?

Does this mean we don’t have to clean our house? Go to the dentist? Grocery shop? Are we being selfish if we think about what we truly desire? We have learned that being a grown up is simply learning how to be okay with shoulding on ourselves. When we were kids we naturally knew how to follow desire but now that we’re grown, we have learned to fill our days with responsibilities that we don’t like. But that’s life! you say.

Really? Because the Bible says life is Jesus.

And Jesus, who is life, says this about life: I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly.

So what about the illness of loved ones, the disabilites of our children, the disparity in the world? There are so many difficult situations and heartache in the world around us, people who need our hands, our commitments, our love. So why do we insist on killing desire slowly by volunteering for committees we care nothing about?

Save the passion for the people. Save the serious for the things that truly move you. Sit heavy on your hands and raise them only for those things you can’t not step up for.

Duty is much more efficient. It is linear, easy to make a case for, quick to convince. Desire takes risk, time, discovery, curiosity. There is no formula, no proven results, no guarantees. Desire is desperately inefficient. And so is love.

You are loved. You have been given love. Love lives in you. Instead of listening to Should, let love move you with grace and intention into the world. As Thomas Hart says in Art of Christian Listening, “Wants are mine; shoulds are somebody else’s.” Care enough for the people in your life to choose those things that make you come alive. Take time to figure them out. Let the Lord speak. Let your heart speak. Let your life speak.

What would happen if we were brave enough to listen to our own desire? What if it was God’s idea from the very beginning to give you particular desires for particular things to fill a particular purpose? What if ignoring the voice of your desire is actually ignoring the voice of God?

Tagged , Filed Under art, faith 70 Comments
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