You have something we desperately need. I don’t know what it is, but you do. Why are you keeping it from us? Why are you apologizing for it? Why are you pulling me aside at church, sending whispered notes to my inbox, timid with your art and the hands that make it? Why do those hands shake? Why are we all so terrified to open our eyes and live?
I know why, at least for me. Time molds and kneads life into different shapes as we go along. We feel brave and then we get scared. We feel honest and then we hide. I flew to the Philippines last year and my ribs crushed in on my heart so tightly I couldn’t breathe. They don’t have food. And when I got home to my freezer, I pulled out the tenderloin and cut the potatoes and made my family a meal. I felt the sharp pain of knowing there are families living less than a mile away and I don’t think they have food, either.
A month later, my father-in-law died and we rode as a family in the backseat of a black Cadillac to the grave where he would be buried. We sat in our Sunday best in the middle of hot July. No one wanted to be there. Who would? We sat small under that tent, watching dust return to dust.
The book came out and I talked about that because you know, you have to. Because this book? Is my guts. And also? My job. When your book comes out, you’ll do it too, you will. Write a book and your real life blends in with the real life of thousands of readers. Thousands.
The difference between the reader and the writer? The reader is hidden. The writer is laid bare.
The skeptics who live inside my head whispered and then they roared and I imagined spending a little time on the run. I was sure all this was a mistake. I felt compelled to apologize for something but I didn’t know what.
As it turns out, this is all I’ve got, for better or worse. I’m standing with hands splayed open in front of me and all that keeps coming out is this. Sometimes I wish I had the hands of a chef or a kindergarten teacher or a marketing executive or a surgeon or a candle-maker. Anything but this.
Even as I say that, I know the chefs and the kindergarten teachers and the candle-makers must think the same thing sometimes. Because they, too, have something we desperately need. So do I. So do you.
There is one life and it is given to me, but it isn’t mine. The thing about Jesus is that death doesn’t win, life comes from Him, and we have all been set wildly free.
My eyes dance when I laugh and I’ll bet yours do, too. Let’s laugh, shall we?
Tomorrow the sun comes up and the dog needs food and I take another breath and so do you. How can we even begin to meet any need we see in the world if we don’t first admit we have something to offer?
God calls you his poiema, the kind that moves, the kind who has hands and opens them up for the task of the day and whispers not my will but yours. So let’s pick up the pen, the pan, the brush. Let’s open our eyes, our hands, our hearts. Let’s see the fear then laugh in his face because somebody has to. Why not let it be us? Let’s carry on together.
Beautiful…..and so true.
Thank you Emily.
Your words break through these cords of fear…
In corporate worship, one of the things that draws me into a true heart of worship with arms lifted high is to see another believer, moved by the Spirit, lifting their hands to a Holy God.
Likewise, this post shows a humble spirit lifting hands of worship in the face of fear. And my response is to be moved to lift my hands too.
Thank you.
Jess´s last [type] ..One Thing Remains
Sometimes it’s like taking two steps forward and one back. I push forward and put something out, and then I get a little panic stricken and wonder if it is good enough. And I have to keep coming back to why I do it. And what it’s for. And honestly, some days I don’t have answers to those questions.
Stacey´s last [type] ..I try to count.
Oh, Emily, your posts . . . . they speak to me. Thank you for writing and exposing yourself and being real. It’s inspiring me to do the same. Thank you : )
Pam´s last [type] ..Surfing Through
This is a wildly fun post. I love it. …And am laughing with you
Kerry @ Made For Real´s last [type] ..Natural deo for your natural b.o.
goodness. that last paragraph did me in…beautiful, emily. thank you.
eloranicole´s last [type] ..desert heart
Yes, Emily. This is such a hard thing, to give what you have and say, “This is what I’ve got world!” for better or worse. Thank you for sharing and encouraging.
Eyvonne´s last [type] ..Grace, A Good Girl, and the Book: My story of the Try Hard Life
Encouragement from my inbox that says, Chatting at the Sky to my heart every time you post. You know what I love about blogging the most? How He reveals the way he is speaking in the sacred echoes of our individual writing into a theme that shouts, “this is the way.” I wrote about fear today too. And well, this just really blessed me more than you could possibly know in a comment box. Thank you.
Shelly Miller´s last [type] ..Letting Go of Fear
Beautiful. My eyes are starting to wrinkle in the corners as I laugh, but I’m still going to laugh.
Um, wow. All of it. But I love this: “The difference between the reader and the writer? The reader is hidden. The writer is laid bare.”
Sarah at SmallWorld´s last [type] ..In the Smokies: Andrews Bald
My goodness… what an immensely beautiful and inspiring post. Wow. I love the way you write, Emily. You speak the words I need to hear. How God uses you to bless the writer in me is an amazing thing. Thank you. Blessings on your day and heart…
Jenny Barker´s last [type] ..Why I Don’t Need to Be Nice All The Time
yes, how beautiful these brave words are to my heart and soul this day. brimming over with a grateful heart for your honest and your bravery and your gift being laid bare for us all to ENJOY. You inspire. You encourage. Blessings on your day.. after and while you feed the dog.
warm hugs
Elizabeth´s last [type] ..Pay Attention On The Road
The reader is hidden. The writer is laid bare.
YES this is the hardest part of writing a blog or any other thing. In fact for a long time my blog was private only open to those I felt safe enough to read my writing. Then my husband said ‘if you write a book and sell it how will you control who purchases it?’
I couldn’t answer that question.
So with alot of ‘hand wringing and prayer I opened my blog to the public. It was a bold move of faith for me.
Yes the reader is hidden.
I lay myself out there and have no idea who is reading my words, my heart feelings, the insights of myself.
For a ‘very private person’. THIS is the hardest part.
Not the feedback. Not the guest posting. Not the challenge to be a better writer.
THE HIDDEN reader is the hardest part for me.
So, Sharon, now you’ve got me on the edge of my seat. What is your blog address?!!
Darcy @ Message in a Mason Jar´s last [type] ..Stars Dancing in the Water {Gift from the Sea 1: The Beach}
thank you. that was beautiful.
I have to say something but have nothing to say. I’m being laid bare and wanting to run but can’t because I’ve tasted too much of freedom’s grace to turn back now. Just this morning, seriously, this very morning I prayed those same words “not my will but yours”. Reading them here stunned me silent. He has my attention.
Becky´s last [type] ..A Whole Lot of This and a Little Bit of That
Stunned silent. I feel that way a lot. Thanks for putting words to it.
Dang, you are just good. For what it’s worth, I’m glad you’re not a candle maker.
Becky K´s last [type] ..How to Raise a Timid Child
you just made me laugh out loud. awesome.
“How can we even begin to meet any need we see in the world if we don’t first admit we have something to offer?” Wow, that is super convicting. It’s something I have a hard time accepting, that I have anything to offer, but you’re so right that it can actually hold us back in helping in a way God would want us to. Thank you for these words!
Stacey´s last [type] ..LIST LOVE
Emily, Thank you. I want to print this large and emblazon it across my heart, so I’ll always remember.
Sometimes in the hiding we forget that the curtain is sheer.
You can run, but you cannot hide. I say this to myself all of the time and yet, I (still) try to hide. No matter – still the curtain is sheer, in God’s eyes… and even in any and all of those (eyes) around us. One day – we will be exposed.
Like now.
Your words -today- have exposed me. I don’t always believe there is anything to offer – so why try? Why not sit, crumpled, crouching in the corner. I like to think this will happen.
But what is that little sunday school song? Brighten the corner, where you are. Even there – if the Light of the World is in you – you will be seen.
Be seen!
(thank you Emily, I needed this today.)
Bevy´s last [type] ..Hope you’re having a sweet day!
yes, let’s!
shelley.´s last [type] ..The Book Diaries
I feel like I pop over here sometimes after reading posts in my email to say, Ok this is my favorite you’ve written so far … but for real today, THIS one is my favorite!
amanda d´s last [type] ..when you think you know how someone feels
I always want to write some deep response that will show you how much I appreciate your words, you openness, your willingness to do what you have been called to do despite how you sometimes feel! But I can never find words to say Thank You big enough!
Joye? What you said is perfect. Thank you.
Emily´s last [type] ..one way to live wildly free
just a fantastic post……..I am going to try to share it on my facebook page so all of my friends can read it too…you are such a lovely woman and can speak so perfectly to so many hearts of women everywhere…I love your gift..it fits you just right…..
Mona
mona´s last [type] ..Sometimes It Turns Out Really Good
Well, that’s the kick in the pants I need this morning. I’m feeling sorry for my sorry self. You reminded me that I have something to give those a lot sorry-er (a word?) than myself. Gotta get busy……….
Lynette Ranger´s last [type] ..Waiting
This post was excellent, and you know, I think God meant it just for me.
But this,
“There is one life and it is given to me, but it isn’t mine. The thing about Jesus is that death doesn’t win, life comes from Him, and we have all been set wildly free.”
was the very best part of all! This isn’t my life to live for me. It’s to live for Jesus and because of that I am free. Wildly, wonderfully and absolutely free to live, laugh and love for Him.!
Cheryl (Copperswife)´s last [type] ..Copper’s Day Off – Top Three Edition
You know, I know in my heart that you are sooooo right! I keep hearing this and it touches something deeply inside me, and while I have some things I love to do, I really don’t know what it is that I am to do!! I don’t know that there is anything I am actually good enough at to do that will make a difference. I do love to encourage others if that counts as a gift – it seems to come out of me very naturally and ever since I was a child. Still, I don’t get excited about doing that as my art! Please do pray that the Lord will help me do my part!! Thank you for your amazing, constant inspiration. I too am glad you are not a candlemaker, though I suspect you’d be a good one!!
Picking up the pan: the words wrung like a sign. Fear has been stopping me from picking up the pan and teaching cooking for a great charitable cause. I keep asking myself, if you can do it at home, day after day, and feed a family why can’t you do it for others? I’m going to meditate and your beautiful post today!
That’s so awesome, inspirational, and spot on! The best time to do something is when you’ve worked up the courage to do it; the next best time is when you’re scared.
Emily´s last [type] ..What to expect from the Crunchy Coach Blog
I’m always so encouraged when I come here. Reading this post makes my soul feel lighter. Your words are echoing what He has been telling me; to run into who I am with abandon, knowing I can trust the One who makes me who I am. For years I believed in my head that I was free. But now He’s showing me what that feels like to actually experience it. Wildly free. Amen.
Kat´s last [type] ..motherhood {a story of letting go}
amazing, amazing post. thank you.
Beth´s last [type] ..Mom of Boy
these were inspiring words for the heart of a timid author like me…thank you
elizabeth´s last [type] ..:: beauty ::
Fear is an awfully big weapon that the enemy wields. Dang. Sometimes I feel like the Polish soldiers on horseback trying to stand up against Nazi Germany’s blitzkrieg tanks–no chance against a weapon like that.
And, I guess, that’s a good place to start–to know there’s no chance if all I have is my little arsenal. But for God? Tiger tanks, no problem.
Thank you for your promptings toward courage. Really.
Richella at Imparting Grace´s last [type] ..Screened porch updates
This is going to ramble a bit. I apologize.
I’m a faithful reader of this blog, I just rarely ever comment. But I read this post this morning and was struck by it.
Then this afternoon, in what I thought was a completely unrelated action, I was reading some archives of Shaun Groves’ blog, and he talked about something similar, oh goodness, in February of 2009: http://shaungroves.com/2009/02/another-special-little-crazy-snowflake/.
And at the end of that blog, there is a video that, because I have nothing better to do right now, I began to watch: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=86x-u-tz0MA. And Elizabeth Gilbert talks in that video about fear and creativity, and she says, “Is it rational, is it logical, that anybody should be expected to be afraid of the work they feel they were put on this earth to do?”
But we are, aren’t we? We are afraid, and we are sometimes even talked into fear by those around us, when we should be living free. Thank you, Emily and others, for speaking Truth against the fear (specifically against the fear of art-making). It is good to be reminded of that Truth. Keep reminding us.
amy´s last [type] ..From babes
Thanks for speaking up, Amy. So much. I think I vaguely remember that post of Shaun’s …now I’ll have to re-read it!
oh. seriously. thank you for your words. they were just what i was needing. xoxo
meghan´s last [type] ..sweet christy
I’ve been through quite a season this year. The words have been silent for so long… and then suddenly out of nowhere they appeared again. I thought surely everyone had packed their bags and left my blog by now. I mean 3 months is a long time to have a blog active with no words written. I’ve been hoping they would appear again. After all the great longing in the heart of a writer is to write. The silence became deafening… saddening….and then Jesus came…
I was stunned as the emails came in. People had been waiting for me. They saw the gift upon me and waited patiently for me to return.
It’s what I needed in this season of life…
Beautiful post!
Julie Todd´s last [type] ..Greater Things ©
I love this, Emily. Thank you for the truth, for the freedom you speak into me through Him.
Alie´s last [type] ..Itty things
thank you for this, I’m one of those silent readers of your blog and it touches me where it shouldn’t because I need to go to that place and be with Him.
Thank you so much. Those first paragraph questions touched a nerve. Will need to sit with that a while. Your post has moved something in me. I know about that ebb and flow of bravery and fear too. Often. And also the ebb and flow of “I do have something to offer”/”Do I really have something to offer?”. It’s hard to break out of fear’s prison especially when my eyes are not “fixed on Him”. I step out and then right back in again! But this is a good and encouraging reminder – love the last paragraph. Beautiful. I’m printing it out. Thanks!
Our word “poem” derives from the Greek word “poiema.” Quite literally, we are God’s poem! Thank you, Emily, for this beautiful and encouraging thought.
I can relate to this. Thank you for your honesty! And I have heard other authors describe the same thing when their book is out. It has to be a really incredible feeling. Thanks for sharing!
I just did it yesterday! I started my blog after facing fear head on and coming out with a post. I love how God has been using the themes from the things other people are writing and saying to speak to us and show us the direction to take. That has definitely been my week so far. Yes! We ARE set wildly free!
Libby´s last [type] ..Stuck?
That’s great, Libby! I hope you enjoy it.
I read this earlier today, and I am back reading it again tonight. Just because I like it. And because, once again, you have words and truths tucked in your post that He has been stirring in my heart. Living open handed. I have been trying the past few weeks to live open handed. Fists not closed in a tight need to control. Knuckles not clenched because I don’t want what He wants to give or because I don’t want to release what He wants me to release.
Hands open. Willing to give of myself freely. Willing to take whatever He places in my life, in my path. Heart humble and grateful. And now I get to add this…wildly free. My eyes are dancing just thinking about it.
Kimberly´s last [type] ..Needy – It’s Not Such a Bad Word After All
Arms raised high. Yes. I want to clench my fists, yet know my hands need to stay open to receive the gifts.
Anna´s last [type] ..Lemons? Make lemonade
Emily, Jesus uses you to inpire courage in me ….. And others I believe. Thank you for sharing your gift so freely!
So beautiful. Thank you for offering what you have!
Vanessa´s last [type] ..What a pear
YOU have been inside my head!!!!
Thank you Emily. You are so right about the picking up of the pen, the fear. I have this thing, this white coat, this stethoscope, this gift…. My children have needed me more these last 2 years, so i laid those tools down for a time. The clock ticks loud as the day approaches this summer that I’ll pick those tools up again, in the unpredictable setting of a free clinic. Those heavy tools, the weight. It’s hard to admit because we doctors sometimes feel the rest of you expect us to be fearless, to be superhuman, to know every answer. That skeptic voice you mention? it haunts my writing and haunts my medicine, it’s cracked voice saying that I’ve forgotten how to hear a heart’s murmur or understand the systemic secrets unfurled by a diseased retina. I lift my eyes to the hills, to that great Physician before me, and I remember the sufficiency, the promise that every good work has been prepared for me in advance…surely the answers will come, but first I must step into the questions.
Sarah´s last [type] ..concerning fairy gardens and little girls
I was thinking about how when an artist creates, he is always laid bare; his creation reveals himself–the way he thinks, believes, acts. In the same way, our Creator God has revealed Himself to us through His universe. Just look outside–the Earth, and everything in it, reveals our wildly creative God! Maybe when we allow ourselves to be wildly free and without fear in the expression of our art, in whatever form it may take, it is actually an act of worship. Maybe, through our creation, we are a reflection of the creativity of God, and draw people closer to Him. It makes the risk of being laid bare so worth it.
That’s a beautiful picture, Linda. Thanks.
I have been blogging about this same thing recently!
The writer is exposed. Sometimes I am brave and I almost enjoy that (if I think I have something good to show off) and other times it is absolutely terrifying. Of course, it exactly those terrifying things that people need me to write about.
Thanks for the encouragement today.
Emily
http://www.weakandloved.com/2012/06/writing-fear-part-3-my-garden-grows.html
Emily Cook´s last [type] ..Writing & Fear Part 3: My Garden Grows Words.
Yes!
Thank you for the extra ordinary encouragement this morning! I desperately needed to read these words. I am answering a call to learn to be a writer for God, a pen in His hand, and I have had a few moments of doubt and insecurity lately. Especially when I begin to take my eyes off of Him and I start looking at the many people already doing what I am called to. I feel very small and insignificant. Thank you. God has used your words to once again validate why I am doing this. It isn’t for me. I just need to walk in obedience and leave the rest up to Him.
“There is one life and it is given to me, but it isn’t mine. ”
Also, I really identified with this next statement. For a long time I was a reader, and as I am stepping over the other side, it is a little scary, because I find that the things God lays on my heart to write about make me feel naked and exposed. But, I will also say that when I am bold enough to speak or write the words of truth, the blessing of the connection, like you said about the thousands of others whose lives blend with your own, is so awesome! I have not experienced thousands, but the few are more than enough to make it worth it.
“The difference between the reader and the writer? The reader is hidden. The writer is laid bare.”
Thank you again. May God bless the work of your hands today a hundred fold!
Renee´s last [type] ..Writing Through The Rain
I’m flabbergasted. On the precipice of putting myself ‘out there’ in ways that will be impossible to take back, I said to God half an hour ago, “I’m gonna need more of a push. I need you to reassure me”. Then a friend emailed me a link to this post! So beautifully and scarily apt. I just needed to hear again that I’ve been set wildly free and that it’s not my life after all
Bless you
Von´s last [type] ..Creek