As I’m sure you’ve heard by now, Jeff Goins wrote a book. It’s called Wrecked and it’s good. Today he posts for us here with a reminder that chasing the pain could end up getting us closer to what we truly seek.
Life for us is too comfortable, too predictable. When things get easy, we get bored. So we chase addictions and comforts and stuff to revive our sullen hearts.
We search and strive for more and ultimately end up disappointed, because we’re searching in all the wrong places.
So how do we find the fullness of life and all it has to offer? How do we really live and not merely exist? We’ve got to get out of the bubble. We have to have our world turned upside-down.
I don’t know about you, but that’s the last thing I want but first thing I need.
The biggest and most freeing disappointment of life is realizing our stories are not our own. That our time on earth is about more than just us.
This is scary, because it’s an invitation to live into a larger narrative, which inevitably means risk and adventure. It means taking chances and losing it all. It means the possibility of pain.
But it also means there’s more to the universe than what we see. Which was what we were wondering all along… wasn’t it?
The solution to this slumber we find ourselves in is to step out. To move into the hard things of life, the epicenter of growth and just be.
“Go where the pain is.” That’s what I told my sister in college who was searching for a major and the meaning of life.
A few years ago, I discovered this is where the fullness of life is found. In discomfort and tragedy. In bucking the status quo and finding our deepest satisfaction in the places where it hurts the most. We don’t do this for the sake of suffering, of course, but for the empathy and love found there.
At first, I thought it was just me who was weird, who wanted to hang out with broken people and hear their stories, who found the more in the lessening of self. I felt like a misfit, stuck in a world that didn’t seem to support a peculiar brand of restlessness.
But then, I found I was not alone in my dissatisfaction.
This tension between what is and what should be, between our desire for more and addiction to what is comfortable, is where we live our lives. And the hard truth is this is what it is.
Perhaps the hardest piece of advice to follow is this: join the club. Embrace the weirdness of being human. And finally submit to the call to be uncomfortable. It’s where we finally, paradoxically, find rest.
To read more of Jeff’s writing, visit his blog – Goins Writer. To find out more about his book, visit Wrecked The Book. Do you agree with Jeff that you can find your deepest satisfaction in the places where it hurts the most?
I read this and thought, “I know so many people who need to read this!” and then God whispers in my ear, “No Sweetie, this is for you too.”
Great Post! Can’t wait to read this book.
Thanks for sharing, Joy.
Jeff Goins´s last [type] ..How to Find the Fullness of Life
It seemed that life was one crisis after another for so many years, I stopped taking time to evaluate the importance of the next task – I just added it to my to do list. When no one is literally homeless, naked, terminally ill, or starving to death… much smaller things claim the spot of CRISIS. One can lose their perspective on what is necessary, and become self absorbed in the minutia of providing comfort to what is nearest and dearest.
Amy´s last [type] ..My Mission – To Eat Our Food!
Well said, Amy!
Jeff Goins´s last [type] ..Live First, Write Second
I’ve been thinking so much about this idea lately. About how much our comfort is making me uncomfortable. I’m still collecting my ideas into a blog post.
Love your words.. always. Can’t wait to see you at Influence.
Eyvonne´s last [type] ..Weddings, wheezing, and the unexpected
Thanks. I’m going to be there? Cool.
Jeff Goins´s last [type] ..How to Find the Fullness of Life
So true!!! I am looking/praying for ways to help my younger child (age 8) understand this right now… it has taken me 40+ years to process, though.
I think we can find the most positive change within ourselves when we stretch and do the things that hurt the most.
Lisa´s last [type] ..Drugs and Tacos
So I sent this to my husband:
This reminds me of you.
How you feel like you kind of go through life feeling numb sometimes.
But then you have said that you ‘come alive’ when you go where the pain is.
And this is how he replied:
wow, this is pretty interesting. It makes me think back to that song lyric, I still want to make a painting out of it some time because I think it’s a theme of life and somehow part of the cycle of how God breaks through to us during our years on earth and how we keep coming back to surrender to him again and again. The entire song is about that, you should give it a listen.
The key line for me comes in the bridge:
’cause it’s only when it goes to pieces
only then, as time increases
you will find
the peace that you’ve
been dying for
you’ll realize that all this time
you’ve been pushing on a pull door
song: pushing on a pull door
artist: for KING & COUNTRY
album: crave
Thanks for inspiring conversation and keeping us moving towards God. Have a great weekend!
Yes! We have the most to offer to others who are going through not just what we’ve been through but what we’re going through. That’s when we can say, “I know,” or “Me, too,” and really mean it. And isn’t that what we all really need sometimes?
This is so encouraging & reminds me to adjust my focus today to not running away from the difficult things but submitting to the call to be uncomfortable.
Thanks, Jen. In my experience, this is the paradox of happiness. When you try to be happy, you rarely are. But when you focus on others’ happiness, you find the greatest fulfillment.
Jeff Goins´s last [type] ..How to Find the Fullness of Life
“At first, I thought it was just me who was weird, who wanted to hang out with broken people and hear their stories…” Nope, there’s a whole bunch of us weirdos out there. And, I love it! Great post, Jeff.
Eileen´s last [type] ..Take Hold
I love it, too. It’s a pleasure to walk this weird road with you, Eileen.
Jeff Goins´s last [type] ..How to Find the Fullness of Life
“The biggest and most freeing disappointment of life is realizing our stories are not our own. That our time on earth is about more than just us.”
It isn’t our story, it’s His-story. He is the author and perfector… He calls us to so much more than we could hope or imagine, and offers rest when we go to him with our burdens.
We just need to get over ourselves and look around. Thank you for the wake up call.
Yep. Well said.
Jeff Goins´s last [type] ..How to Find the Fullness of Life
Someone once told me to “get comfortable with being uncomfortable.” Now, I like my comfort zone as much as anyone, but I also know that discomfort causes me to grow. It keeps me from getting bored. It’s also often where God wants me to be too.
Kari Scare´s last [type] ..Why the Butterfly?
I’ve been thinking about this sort of thing a lot lately. This is what my call to be a doctor is–a call to heal the poorest and the broken. My whole medical career, I’ve taken care of the homeless, the meth-heads, and the prostitutes. My husband, also a doctor, was called to be a cancer doctor. He walks into people’s worst-case scenarios repeatedly all day, every day, takes their desperate phone calls at night, comes to know some as friends, and then, eventually, pronounces their death. When our kids came along I did the hard thing, which was also, oddly, the easy thing, and laid down my career for a time. Last week, for the first time in quite a while, I was a doctor again, now in another free clinic. It felt odd at first to walk into their poverty, to listen to the stories of loss again, and pick those pills up off the floor bc she couldn’t afford to replace them. To later that day stroll into my suberban Target and be able to buy shoes for my kids without looking at the price tag. It’s been comfortable, this suberban mom-hood. To go back again to serve the smelly and dirty and needy is anything but comfortable. Frankly, its scary to have no idea what will walk in next, to wonder if I’ll be able to help at all. But there is just this: that Great Physician has called me to step into the uncertainty and the brokeness with scant resources at best WILL be faithful to carry this good work to completion. That even if all I can offer is a cup of cold water, that can be enough.
Sarah´s last [type] ..The Benefits of Working with an Online Designer
What a thought provoking post, Sarah. I had a resident taking care of me in ICU and many yrs later, when she was out of the military, etc, was actually able to track her down via internet. She is no longer (for a time?) doctoring, and her husband is a doctor, also… they have 2 little girls.. and her story is so similar to yours. I have often thought when high profile, high level professionals go to the other side of non-doctoring (for instance), the self shift that must happen. I have never asked her how she adjusted – but she did not want to go to the Middle East on deployment again with 2 small children left behind, so she resigned her commission. But I have so often wondered how she felt inside about her life realignment. We have not talked of God but I want to write her now — and just chat. She was such a good doc and I learned a lot about what a *good* doc does during my time in ICU, and she was a resident who asked just the right questions…. I have told many docs since then why she was so exceptional and what she said me that separated most docs from her intuitive, perceptive awareness of being part of her patient’s moment — and how her skill, knowledge, art, asking the questions that drew out her patients…. I feel like new docs have listened when I have told them how exceptional this resident was – and why she IS an exceptional doc. At my age (69) I have met a lot of docs like her and I can count on one hand the truly exceptional ones. This female doctor is head of the list…..
So, somehow, Sarah, you reminded me of her. Listening to God, letting him lead you (and your husband doing likewise), I believe, is the actual key to being content in this life. Doesn’t mean it won’t be easy and filled with most of emotions we all share.. but somehow when HE is the guide in this life… it turns out to keep us directly on the right path. I loved your post. It felt as though I was resting on words of warm, comfortable realness. How refreshing in a doctor! (PS no, I am not anti doc, don’t misunderstand…. just have not found as many outstanding ones as I would have liked.). So very glad you are in a place to give yet also greatly receive even though what comes next through the door may be scary and challenging! This is where joy draws the best pictures!
I journaled about shadows this morning and scribbled this quote: “The very things we wish to avoid, reject, and flee from turn out to be the “prima materia” from which all real growth comes.” — Andrew Harvey in Dialogues with a Modern Mystic
Your post is where I am, where I need to be…and where I would rather not spend time at the moment. This ether-encounter has the gift “staying” power. Thank you.
well said, jeff. i’ve found this to be true as well. in His tender mercy, God has allowed my world to be turned upside-down several times, including an incapacitating health crisis. and you know, i’m not afraid of the upside-down anymore. i’m starting to see the upheavals as intimate invitations to cling to the Cross. and i’m cherishing them. because oftentimes, pain is God’s paradoxical tool for deep healing.
thanks so much for sharing (& can’t wait to read the book!).
tanya @ truthinweakness´s last [type] ..How to Never Get Burned Again
A great remainder to not settle for less but to strive for the best which would ultimately benefit not only ourself but main our friends and community around us. Thanks for the remainder.
Emily, I just found your site through Jeff Goins. After reading your “about emily” page I got so excited to find you because we are on similar paths – you are much farther along though. You share a name with my daughter, so you were already cool before I even started reading:) Thanks for your fantastic insights. I just subscribed. I look forward to your posts with my morning coffee. Cheers!
Jeremie Barber´s last [type] ..How Hurry Leads to Chaos
Glad to make the introduction, Jeremie. I’m a BIG fan of Emily’s work!
Jeff Goins´s last [type] ..Live First, Write Second
I don’t think a person can learn certain lessons without a taste of upheaval and hardship. I have always felt like this, Jeff Goins, you write my soul! Love this…am sharing…
Thank you, Lori. I appreciate this.
Jeff Goins´s last [type] ..Live First, Write Second
HI,
I am fearful of stepping into the discomfort after I step into it though, there is obviously a lot of pain and unpredictability. This is the challenge, to stick to the choice I have made.
Love what Jeff writes always.
Rashmi Malapur´s last [type] ..Dream : IN RETROSPECT POWER
This reminds me of a song lyric I always loved:”put all your love where it hurts the most; and expect a little visit from the holy ghost.” -Bill Mallonee, Vigilantes of Love
We step out and experience what it means to initiate. We embrace the anxiety that comes with it. When we step out, we see what it means to be a human who lives and moves forward with greater purpose. We experience great joy from doing what is right and engaging not sulking. We step out in how we live and in what we do. We do so today.
terryfenwick – Saint in Training
Loved this “last thing I wanted” and for some reason it reminded me of a great song – very pagan – but still lingers = a Peggy Lee song – Is That All There IS. I think most people could have that song as a theme song until they are 40 or so – in the busyness of life they don’t even think of what there is out there; even then it comes in stages and may not hit until 70. I blogged an Open Love Letter To Our Seven Sons to tell them how much they meant to me recently – I am 80. Not too late – but could have been sooner.
The funny thing about adversity is that it is so abhorred, yet it is so needed, but that’s just life.
Kevin Martin´s last [type] ..Let’s Talk About Viewpoint
Good point, Kevin.
Jeff Goins´s last [type] ..Live First, Write Second
Jeff,
Your book, Wrecked, resonated a kindred truth, deep in my soul.
I bought two copies, gave one to my son, who’s 20.
We need more voices, like yours, who can speak the gift of “hindsight” to the next generation.
Thank you, for allowing us to glimpse your vulnerability, while speaking the truth in love.
Debbie Bec´s last [type] ..True Love Covers All (Our Nakedness)
So true. I’m living in a really uncomfortable place right now. Starting over. Not what I had planned at 48.
I’ve spent time being mad about it.
But I know that this is my opportunity to put it together the way I want this time and really live it.
And…. I chose to change it up and make it all about life and love and joy in Maui. It’s will very, very good. It already is.
Jt Clough | Maui Dog Remedies´s last [type] ..Maui Dog Training | Dog Walking | Dog Sitting | Dog Remedies
I agree wholeheartedly with your sentiments. I have been in a safe zone for 14years but I am called once again to meet the needs of the poorest of the poor in Southern Africa.
I can only do a little but all I say is “Here I am”.
Amen.
Well said . Thank you. Lmc
How can one so young be so wise? Bless you and yours, Jeff. Love your adventure.
Hah! I’m not sure it’s wisdom as much as it’s stumbling upon truths in the midst of confusion. But I appreciate it, Susan.
Jeff Goins´s last [type] ..Live First, Write Second
I know what you are saying. I, too, have been broken, died to self, and still am dying to self. I keep thinking there’s got to be a more comfortable way to live, free from risk, free from tension, free from having to serve in a place that challenges me mentally and emtionally, but God keeps affirming this is where I am supposed to be and each day I stay in His will, I grow. So I am grateful in a wierd way to be in this place.
Nikole Hahn´s last [type] ..Book Review: God Loves Ugly
Thanks, Nikole. Not easy, but good.
Jeff Goins´s last [type] ..Live First, Write Second
Totally agree with Jeff. Meaning, depth and fulfillment often comes from the places of stretch and discomfort. Great post!
Ngina Otiende´s last [type] ..7 Ways Marriage has Made Me a Better Person
well said, Ngina!
Jeff Goins´s last [type] ..Live First, Write Second
Seriously Awesome Joy! Thanks for sharing your heart, passion and insight!
Bob Holmes´s last [type] ..I Believe In You
Thanks, Bob! You, my friend, are awesome and living a great story.
Jeff Goins´s last [type] ..Live First, Write Second
In life we are broken, then blessed. Over and over again. We share the pages out of each others book, but first we need to humble ourselves to see how we are all much closer than what we think . . .
a great guest post on a great blog! Double whammy.
Be Blessed.
Renee
renee@joyful living´s last [type] ..Grasp or Gasp (Five Minute Friday)
Love that. Broken and blessed. Great way to think about it.
Jeff Goins´s last [type] ..Live First, Write Second
I love these kinds of writings because I discovered a few years ago from the Bible that the greatest way to deep down satisfaction and exhuberant joy, is to make the decision (and it is a decision) to go beyond my own life and do what I could for others, including listening to their pain and hurts. Exciting times lie ahead because when we live to be a blessing to others, God has to do some miraculous things to support our efforts and that’s where the excitement comes from. And God will support you because He’s appreciative of our taking care of those He loves. So keep up those meaty writings, Jeff. They’re great!
Thanks, Dede!
Jeff Goins´s last [type] ..Live First, Write Second
This is a new twist on some pondering I have been doing as I read Kingdom Journeys (only on pg.74) …does a journey into the suffering..a putting aside of my comforts mean I travel around the world? Or, do I just show up at the local homeless shelter in the morning and say, “What can I do? How can I help ?” I’m not sure what God has in store, but I know this: I am too comfortable. I love spending time with people and hearing their stories. I pray God puts the two together in some way. It’s time I “embrace the weirdness of being human.”
I think it’s about obedience, Sarah, not about figuring it out. We often make adventure a new type of comfort; I think the critical component is your discomfort. If God is always pushing you to step out in faith (and sometimes going to a shelter requires more risk than a church mission trip), you’re on the right track.
Jeff Goins´s last [type] ..Live First, Write Second
Jeff,
I want to thank you for your timely posts, your gift to make complete strangers thankful for having “someone out there.” I am not able to be “out there” too much yet. It is difficult to put my writing first because I work a full time demanding job. I do feel uplifted by your spirit and your posts. Thank you.
You’re welcome, Josephine! Thanks for this comment. It was encouraging.
Jeff Goins´s last [type] ..Live First, Write Second